for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

Maisie - that's certainly what mine felt like for a while after having DS!

Congrats Glittery. Tho can't offer any positives on pelvic floor...did/do (sometimes) the exercises but still very loose down there!

lol at Maisie

I'll wait and see, I'm 33+5 pg with dc1. Although I already have to make sure I tense in anticipation of a sneeze or I could be in trouble...

Looser - it's what happens to your pelvic floor after 3 kids and no exercising, isn't it? Lets face it, it's only our pants that keep everything in place.

Or is that just me?

Having a job does not make you superior to anyone!You sound a bit petty tbh and a tad jealous.get on with your own life perfect as you think it is and let others get on with theirs.You are assuming that all jobs are fulfilling and that all SAHMs must somehow be missing out which are huge generalisations/

I like the idea of a "looser" though. I imagine it's someone REALLY slutty...

oh come on, it's losers!

But ironing is just about the only task that is visible work yet you can watch tv at the same time. Still try to buy clothes that don't need it though.

as are most 'replies' and posts to particular posters we see.(really should have gone to sleep, need it, babbling)

You're right, ironing is for loosers!

above was reply to commanderdrool and general comment

well the OP attitude and attitude of some posters doesn't help. But the understanding posts and humourousness laughing/love being lazy/other people feel like you do/seeing unreasonable OP get told off helps.

Well i've worked with babies and been a sahm.

They're different. Being a working Mum was a slog (nature of job didn;t help- allied to child protection, hard when pregnant yourself) but being a SAHM is hard in different ways. I'd choose wohm every time when ds4 goes to nursery next year but technically am carer rather than sahm.

I don't think superior comes into it; i've proved I can fo it, heck I had two under 2 and 2 jobs at one point; now i'm not.

Becaroo - on the go from 6.30 til 8pm and yet posting on mumsnet at 13.22? lol

A1b2

I am sure I will be writing your post in five years time. I know it's going to be tough because it was for my mother. That said, I am very proud of her and I appreciate how hard she worked gor our family even though she didn't always manage sports days/ assemblies.

I think mothers are conflicted whatever they do and threads like this fon't help.

this is like pretend play for grown ups - I'm smug because in 5 years time I'm going to be a supermodel/prime minister/X-factor winner and going to be the bestest one ever. Good concept, OP, well done.

CommanderDrool

Yes it is much harder to organise childcare once DC are at school. Before they are at school is hard, but you just take them to one place and they mostly enjoy it even if you feel guilty and wonder if they would rather be with you. And it heartbreaking when they sob and plead. (doesn't happen often). Before and afterschool, is when you have 3 to pay for, expensive. (Cheaper than all day, which, once they reach school you do not have to pay all day everyday, you have to pay in the holidays obviously) and they end up exhausted, not able to see friends etc. It gets even worse when they get to 10 or 11 or so. They don't want to go to/are too old for the childcare available, but too young to be at home on their own. And I am sure they have missed out on homework help etc. In fact I feel like they are growing up in a blink of an eye and really makes me cry sometimes. Other times I am glad to go to work for a break from the squabbling siblings.I was terrified at the thought of juggling it all. I am rubbish at juggling it all. But all we can do is try our best. (and acknowledge/try to improve that I get distracted, e.g. mumsnet)

Just hope for you that you are lucky enough/ able to make sure that dp notices and gets his rude awakening, appreciates and does his bit/shares equally etc.

What a misery I sound. I consider myself lucky to have a lovely family and we are happy and lucky to have work really. You'll be fine.

"you sahm-ers have day reckoning,when the wallet dh ups off with a twinky and your pelvic floor is shot"

He bloody won't, I own half the house heh heh

And my pelvic floor is in fine fettle after three c-sections.

I reckon I could pop out a ping pong ball or two if things got tough on the financial front

Ok, typical day of me (sahm)

Up at 6.30 with dc
Get breakfasted and ready for school (ds1)
Drive to school - in next village
Drive to my mums - she has health problems and I check in on her every day - take her to Gp/go to chemists for her as needed
Drive home
Tidy house
Shopping if needed
Get ds2 to sleep
Ironing
Washing
Play with ds2/go out with ds2
Drive to fetch ds1 from school
Home
cook tea
eat tea
wash dishes
play with dc/watch dvds with dc
help with ds1's homework/reading
dc Bath
dc Bed
tv time!!
*

• to that list add tues and sat - ds1 to karate class Weds - ds1 to beavers (I am assistant Beaver leader) Fri - ds1 swimming class

Thats about it.

I am on the go from 6.30 am til 8pm then I sit down and MN and watch TV.

Does that answer your question, chaya?

Off to do some ironing now and then later am finishing the boys bedrooms which we have been decorating.

Really dont know how I would fit in a job tbh. I know I could get my groceries delivered and I know I could get a cleaner and someone to do the ironing but it would use up money I was earning and its more important to me that I am there for my dc whilst they are so young. When they are older they will not need me so much so, who knows????????

Strix I know a lot of people have a big issue with the cost of childcare, and yes it is a large percentage of my take home pay. For some people I know that it is a big reason in not returning to work.

I would say though (at risk of flaming) that the hourly rate for childcare where we live is considerably less than for a cleaner - presumably because most people in childcare have more than one child paying per hour to make up their wage. The thought of paying someone to clean my house (I wish!) so much more than the lovely people who look after my children is a little difficult for me.

We use the salary sacrifice thing to help pay for childcare. Our eldest also gets 5 sessions of preschool per week. There are also lots of other benefits/tax breaks, some depending on salary, that go to parents. Am not saying that we don't need more affordable childcare, just that someone has to pay for it and given its importance, the amount it actually costs per hour is pretty low already.

It took me 15 years to get sufficiently qualified/experienced to do my job and if I hadn't gone back after a year then I would not have been able to return without considerable retraining. I make no apologies for working, nor do I ask SAHM to do so for their choice - am aware of the issues, pros and cons, in terms of child development and childcare pre and during school - and feel that dealing with these is part of the package.

I would also say that this 'perfect' childhood, where the mum is a full time carer, is a relatively new concept and having the luxury to spend so much time with our children, on maternity leave or as a SAHM, is an amazing privilege. I know my mum, who was a SAHM until I was 6, spent considerably more time doing household chores than I have to and previous generations have certainly not been raised on a one to one basis - it just wouldn't have been practical.

You are entitled to feel whatever you want - but feeling smug is a waste of time and fairly unpleasant. Let's hope that your job-hunt is productive enough for you to continue to feel smug in the current economic environment, hey. Or perhaps you think it will all have magically got better when you're ready for work again?

I have the Holy Grail - a part time job which fits in round school hours with an understanding boss. By careful useage f my holiday time, family memebers and DH's holiday time, we have holiday periods covered.
We need both wages coming in to manage. I'd consider an evening job too, if I could find one which didn't finish too late.
But I'm jealous. I'd give anything to be able to afford to Stay at home.
I have no time to do anything for me, no time for houseowrk, no time to prepare for xmas, to do any xmas shopping etc. I am wound up, stressed out and pissed off.
And heartily envious of all you SAHMs whose children are at school.
I don't feel smug, I feel like a mug.

Thanks scottishmummy for the tips on the SAHM/WOHM thread for a newbie such as myself.

It is so funny. Just chillax people!!

PS it seems I have to post the word cunt to become a fully fledged mumsnetter?

I would go state care for nursery Every Time. Their staff are trained to a higher standard, lower turnover of staff who also seem to have a real interest in their work. All my kids have been to state pre school and it was fantastic.