for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

I thought I would always remain financially independant - but that is before our (sn) ds reached school age! Now the best solution for my family turns out to be rather different.
We all make our decisions based on our families individual needs and circumstances. Plan for the future - but stay flexible!

OMG Thumbwitch! I thought that too when I read it (sorry everyone going back quite far in thread now and totally off topic)! I remember being taught about apostrophes in primary school and I still remember how to use them now. I might be missing something here, but what EXACTLY is so hard?

chaya it is a sad state of affairs. But lots of things can go wrong in life, whether you are working or not - redundacy, illness.

Well the reality is stranded that if something does happen to any SAHM's DHs then they are a bit screwed unless they have a lot of money saved and a fantastic life insurance. Or a great lawyer.

That is why I have made absolutely sure that I have an independent source of income.

It is a sad state of affairs but that is how it is.

"SAHM's do housework and childcare to a higher standard than those that place money above family ....No??"

Oh FFS!

Sorry but it just saddens me to see everyone just attacking eash other for our choices (or in many cases non-choices).

Do you know what? There is no ideal. There are days when I miss being an independent, wage earning career woman so much that I could cry.

But I bet you anything if I was at work there would be days when I would miss my dd's so much I would cry.

I am so sick of people telling me I am wrong for the very very very difficult choice I have had to make. And I bet almost every single person on this thread has had to make a difficult choice.

I am not smug. I do not resent anyone. I am really proud that there are women, mothers who DO go to work and I ensure that my dd's are very aware of this so they know that there are choices in life.

But for anyone to call my dh a "wallet" and warn me that he's going to go off with some younger model and I'll be sorry because then I won't have a career or my own money is just bollocks tits.

Right end of rant.

I hated the competitiveness that this thread has raised amongst us mothers as it avoids some of the really big issues that concern us all eg:

1. The fact that some mothers are SAH because they can't get back into the workforce after having children due to discrimination

2. The fact that many mothers are SAH because their husbands aren't pulling their weight in housework and picking up children from school etc and it would be too exhausting for the mother to do all that AND work

3. The vulnerability of many mothers (particularly SAHM) who are dependent on their husbands for money and with low externally recognisable work experience could be screwed if their marriages fell apart. Work within the home is not valuable so it is difficult to get external work or a "salary" from DHs based on that work

stranded am hoping have not been posting bollocks ( if so, as can be a bit random at times) but feel that, rightly or wrongly, I needed to defend working mums as there is a certain amount of animosity towards them. Most people are fine about whatever you choose to do, but like MrsSchaden have had hostility towards how we manage things, which is horrible.

I agree with Twofalls too. But unfortunately, as I said, I've expereienced real hostility.

Perhaps instead of "bollocks" we should be saying that it has gone "tits up"!

twofalls - I completely agree with you.

I would hate to think that this is what people actually think and are just afraid to voice it out loud in rl.

There is so much bollocks on this thread it almost makes me ashamed to be a woman.

Coccyx - some WOHMs work because they have to. Others work because they want to, and their money goes towards school fees, maybe, so that their kids don't have to go to the local failing comp. I'm not sure either circumstance could be said to be putting money above family.

Sometimes I think I live on a different planet to the one inhabited by many MNers.

I am self-employed and work part time from home. Some of my friends work full-time, some are SAHMs. We all get along, none of us feel smug, superior or hard done by in our lives and none of run down others parenting "choices" (I say "choices" becuse for some, returning to work isn't a choice rather than a necessity). And I don't think any of us have experienced any hostility from other mothers for working or not working.

Perhaps I just have my hea in the sand but Idon't come across women like this.

not sure there's much grounds for smuggery when OP doesn't even have a job at the moment

or is the OP just feeling smug about looking forward to feeling smug at some point in the future?

how peculiar

I thought WOHM's did it all??? Outsourcing, whatever next

One could argue that WOHMs outsource childcare and cleaning to professionals, so it will therefore be done to a higher standard than that of SAHMs.

I do neither. I am a slut.

I am a SAHM and I can guarantee you I do not do housework or childcare to a higher standard than WOHMs.

I don't think being a SAHM is a career. It's a job. A "career" implies promotion and working your way up the ladder - where do you go from being a SAHM? To being a Super SAHM?

I have always been a WOHM. I have never been rude to SAHMs and asked them what they do all day when the children are at school. (A bunch ofthe ones I know all go round to someone's house and drink coffee and/or wine and smoke dope until pick up time. ) But I have found, generally, SAHMs to be pretty hostile towards me. I've been asked on numerous occasions why I had children "just to give to someone else to bring up". I've had surprise expressed that my house is clean. I've been ignored, when I've tried to be friendly and to set up play dates.

There has also been the asssumption that DH is the breadwinner and that I am working for pin money, or to keep myself in nice shoes. There has been utter shock when I have said that, in fact, I am the breadwinner. And I have been asked if I didn't regret "marrying someone who could keep me".

I also help out with school fetes, fundraising for brownies etc. It's not an exclusive preserve of the SAHM!

SAHM's do housework and childcare to a higher standard than those that place money above family ....No??

Thanks GLitteryBalls! Have just been ironically amused by this snippet from the reviews:
"In my job as editor, I've never been quite sure about apostrophes, but I've got them nailed down now."

How do people get to be editors without knowing basic grammar?? FFS.

Being a SAHM is a career. It's just not one that you appear to acknowledge.

I don't need a job (paid or not) to define me as a person or give me a purpose outside of the supermarket.

I get Ocado to deliver, have a cleaner to clear up after the family and for some us educated lot, that's enough to make us very happy indeed.

Yes, I have pre-school children and when they go to school, I shall have time to go to the gym, have coffee mornings and spend a bit more time at Brent Cross.

As the SAHM, I'm the one helping to organise the school Christmas fayre (raising money for new computers), making multiple costumes for the play ('Would you mind doing another 3 shepherds GinGirl? So many other mums don't seem to have the time...') sitting on the preschool committee so that it doesn't have to close down, ditto the local NCT committee, helping out friends who are back on maternity leave with subsequent children and have had nasty C-section experiences... as well as doing all my mummy jobs...

We don't all sit at home with our feet up (though I am mumsneeting in the middle of the day ) and I have pre-schoolers/baby as well.

For your inner pedant thumbwitch

It's on my Christmas wishlist...