Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Said something embarrassing with work colleagues

21 replies

Dameednas · Today 01:02

I’m mortified. We’ve moved abroad (EU) and I went out for a drink with work colleagues tonight. I speak the language reasonably well so can mostly get on. We left the pub and I heard a group speaking English, I asked my colleagues if they noticed more people speaking English and what they thought of it. Their eyes got wide, they answered quickly, and then walked away. We then went our separate directions and I didn’t have a chance to recover.

It shouldn’t be such an odd question, you’d think, but a) our talk that evening was entirely work-related, and b) that sort of thing marks you here as a total anti-immigrant knob! I’ve been mulling it over since I got home, I feel so awful. (I suffer from a bit of social anxiety anyway and this was my first time going out with this group, it sure I’ll ever be invited again!)

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · Today 01:05

What did they say? Or do you think they think you are anti immigration/racist?

Gabitule · Today 01:05

This is the kind of question I’d ask! I genuinely can’t see the issue but I look forward to finding out

user1492757084 · Today 01:08

Just chuckle about it.
Don't give the incident brain space.

Original poster
Dameednas · Today 01:12

For more detail: I walked out with two female
colleagues, one of whom I have spoken to much more; the other I’ve only had a handful of brief superficial interactions with. I said it literally moments after we left the pub. One colleague (the one who I haven’t spoken much with) literally walked away. The other gave a polite but perfunctory response “yes you’ll always hear more English in cities” sort of line.

I’m afraid it’s marked me as someone anti-immigration, and also someone who is incapable of having interesting conversations and very stuck in the English and language worlds. It’s possible I’ve talked to the one colleague enough that she doesn’t think I’m a total knob, but I’m not certain. I also admire and respect her professionally and so I feel doubly stupid.

I just feel so daft. I miss being able to socialise in my native language. If only I’d kept my
mouth shut!

OP posts:
finchpar · Today 01:13

So you speak English as a first language and you overheard others speaking English, speaking English yourself, and commented on it? I don’t see how that is anti-immigration surely?

Original poster
Dameednas · Today 01:15

Immigration is a very hot topic here, using English is often a shorthand for not integrating, loss of local culture, increased prevalence of non-local people in jobs, etc. It’s become a bit of a dog whistle.

OP posts:
finchpar · Today 01:17

Just saw your update. Could you share what country you are in? I understand English is widely spoken throughout the world.

I don’t really understand how you’ve been marked as anti immigration given you’re not a national of their country?

Original poster
Dameednas · Today 01:23

I’d rather not say which country, except western EU. There is a large shift against immigration here, and many people view English as an intrusion (people failing to integrate or learn the language here). So the way I asked the question (how do you feel about more English being spoken here, in shops, etc) could have been perceived as seeking sympathy from others who are anti-immigration.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dameednas · Today 01:24

And you’d be surprised, there are plenty of immmgirants who are anti-immigration! (I’m not one of them, but there are loads, people who believe immigrants from A are good and B are bad…)

OP posts:
Branster · Today 01:26

I am very surprised there is any European country where locals don’t think immigration is a big issue.
This aside, don’t worry about it. They can’t expect you to know their gripes inside out as you, yourself are an English speaker outsider. Don’t think about it and don’t start going out of your way to demonstrate how pro immigration you might be. I know this is the official party line in the UK but it is a completely different stance in a lot of European countries. Best to never engage in this topic, ever.
Also, remember, at work, people are usually more reserved about their lives and views of the world. And it is better to be guarded and stick to conversations about work, family , travel that sort of thing.

CombatBarbie · Today 01:27

Surely thats a pot and kettle situation. You are english, speaking their language as an "integrated immigrant" technically.

Were the people you were referring to actually British or talking english? Maybe they were a group like you but lots of different nationalities or one hasn't grasped the language yet so have reverted to english?

I was in Glasgow the other week having a drink before getting train home, 2 ladies next to me were both speaking in broken but understandable english and asked me.to explain something on a Scottish flag. Transpires they met on a solo group travelling holiday a year or so ago but one was German and the other Turkish so english was their common language and they had just clicked and decided to do Scotland together.

CombatBarbie · Today 01:30

Gonna go out on a limb and say Spain.....assuming the influx of brits is meaning expats?

Original poster
Dameednas · Today 01:37

Thank you, yes I really don’t know why but I just blurted it out! )hadn’t even had any alcohol, just a ginger ale!) I usually try to avoid any political chatter but somehow just flew out of my mouth. I feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
MsAmerica · Today 01:43

I don't understand why so many people here are "mortified" by something so inconsequential. It was just an ordinary awkward moment, and you did nothing wrong.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · Today 01:44

Maybe they left/didn’t answer because they didn’t want to offend you? Maybe they thought you were looking for reassurance about being there? Maybe they hate hearing English? Maybe they don’t care? Just forget about it and stick to your rule of no political opinion with colleagues.

ilovepixie · Today 01:50

I don’t understand the issue here!

VoltaireMittyDream · Today 02:17

This is a completely bizarre thing to be anxious and embarrassed about. I don’t get it at all.

mafiacat · Today 02:25

I don't think you said anything wrong, OP. I think those women acted weirdly.

AmnesiacDream · Today 02:38

I would have thought their awkwardness was more likely concern about being drawn into saying something themselves that could be misconstrued (or even correctly construed) by you than that they thought you were anti-immigrant yourself.

LivingTheDreamish · Today 03:15

Yes I also would assume she didn't want to get into an anti-English conversation with an English person, hence she was a bit abrupt with her response. Even if it did come accross as slightly awkward, surely they'll give you some social leeway for the fact you are conversing in your second language. I wouldn't overthink this.

Chefpig · Today 03:34

Dameednas · Today 01:15

Immigration is a very hot topic here, using English is often a shorthand for not integrating, loss of local culture, increased prevalence of non-local people in jobs, etc. It’s become a bit of a dog whistle.

Spain?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page