Four events this week at school during working hours…

Obviously then the other would work, it’s really not the big deal people on here make it out to be though.

I don’t actually know anybody in a two-earner family who could sustain their so-called independence without their husband, they’ve all massively over-stretched themselves financially and would struggle wayyy more than me.

Plenty also way too dependent on parents/ILs, several have had to switch childcare arrangements due to their ill heath…that rarely gets mentioned…but it gets sorted. I’d rather be dependent financially on my husband, and would find it highly embarrassing to have my mother taking my kids to A & E, washing my clothes and cooking my dinner at 40- I know plenty of women who do this, it is thoroughly embarrassing. I stopped needing my mother to do stuff like this at 15!

How did you look after your children if your relative in another household needed round the clock care?

Doing the caring for others is very different to actually caring for others.

Ha, I’ve managed 2 households single handedly caring for under 4s and our elderly relative who was unable to stand up and needed round the clock care, zero whinging about it or outsourcing, so yeah, I’m pretty capable of caring for others thanks! 😂

If one earns then there is an income - not no income. Although there would be if that one person isn't able to earn anymore...

I'm sure you would be thrilled if your children's teachers decided they would rather go to their child's art exhibition than teach your child or your GP would rather sit through a school poetry recital than keep the appointment you need.

Hmm, it's rather difficult to imagine you in a caring role given your lack of empathy and inability to understand a range of viewpoints.

I don't worry about you - you're just a random person on MN.

Nope, not when a child lives with 2 parents. 1 earns, 1 cares. Easy!

Society becomes soulless if everybody works full time because everything is outsourced to institutions instead of the home and family, which used to run far more. It’s already happening- I don’t like or engage with it. Our family has always cared for our young and old at home, where they feel more comfortable and loved.

Why do you assume working means less time with a child? It often doesn't.

Sadly, having no income and children is also incompatible 🤷‍♀️

Because it’s largely unimportant to SAHPs. They want to spend time with their children and don’t care if something goes wrong. I genuinely don’t care, I’d still make the same choice. Are you trying to put people off making that choice? Why does it bother you they do things differently and are not worried? You don’t have to worry about them!

Soulless? Why? Because some people take pleasure in going to work and then enjoying their family when everyone is home? I missed dd terribly when she started school, it's not soulless to want to do a job.

I just don’t believe in moaning on and on about stuff…work and parenting are often incompatible…life with children is unpredictable…none of this is new…but work and parenting demands and expectations have both arguably increased to unreasonable and definitely incompatible levels…so I say NO. No feels powerful. Saying ‘yes’ to everything depletes you.

Again, very defensive language from you. I wonder why? There's nothing I've said in that post that isn't true. There's nothing shameful about staying at home, but it's certainly risky - unless you can claim enough in benefits to pay your bills and put food on your table if something does go wrong with your dh's ability to earn money. Just be glad there are enough net tax payers like me to support you if you ever do need to claim them.

When are they supposed to have them? They can't have an open classroom , assemblies etc in the evening the children won't be there! Would you prefer schools didn't invite parents to any events? If you can't go that's fair enough but sometimes I think schools can't win. If parents aren't invited to anything parents complain, if they are invited they still complain!

And judging and criticising everyone else’s. You are not just owning your own life choices you are sanctimoniously preaching to everyone else why the choices they made are wrong.

Genuinely, why do you care? You’re in work? People on here like to dress up this faux concern to try to put fear/shame people who prefer to care for their loved ones. You do realise there are plenty of other unpaid carers, not just SAHP, in this country? Those who save the government caring for their spouse/elderly parents/grandparents? Society would collapse socially and morally if everyone worked full time. Utterly soulless.

That isn’t true to life. Primary school teachers do have lessons all day, except for the half day a week they have PPA. Occasionally they are covered while they attend a training course. Marking is just one of the tasks that teachers have to do outside of the core teaching day. The teachers I know are in at 7.30am. Generally leave between 5 and 5.30/5.45pm (they do at my infant school anyway). Most do try to do the marking in school as it saves taking piles of books home.

but they get home, have something to eat then get back on it doing the other tasks they need to do. Planning for the next day takes up a lot of time.

i suspect the one teacher you saw on one programme was not indicative of what most teachers actually do.

Yeah, he values me very highly, he understood when he met me 20 years ago that I was never going to leave my babies and wanted to look after myself, and he works his backside off making sure I’ve been able to stay at home. I am very lucky, and would have absolutely hated to have returned to work, so yeah, I’m very happy my husband understands and respects MY values.

It's interesting that you see it as fear mongering. I see it simply as pragmatism - being able to put food on your own table as an adult is incredibly important. The job market is very different to what it was in years gone by, with so many people chasing far fewer vacancies, and being out of the workforce for any length of time puts you at a huge disadvantage. Knowing that you're capable of bringing income into the family if the other parent isn't able to for whatever reason is so reassuring - many of us have seen this happen to others when it's all gone tits up.

You still haven’t answered how old your kids are @ThankYouNigel

This fear mongering needs to stop. Plenty of people in single income families bounce back from these things. My own mother was a SAHM, widowed when we were under 5, eventually remarried SAHM again/WFH, divorced, bounced back to working mum very quickly. She’s incredibly resilient and now alone and working, but always preferred being a SAHM. Many Mums switch between the two over their lifetime.