Jessica Eaton on female 'empowerment'

[MagicMix]

Jessica Eaton hits the nail square on the head again. This woman is definitely one of my feminist heroes.

victimfocus.wordpress.com/2019/02/25/six-times-when-misogynistic-bullshit-was-sold-to-us-as-empowering-women

Love this. Really sick of exercise for women being marketed as either a way to lose weight for a “bikini body” or as self defence. How about to get strong, fit, live longer, clear your mind, improve your mental health, meet friends, etc.

She's wonderful. Her stalwart centring of women & girls is extraordinary, against so much opposition. It must be exhausting.

I always tell my DD to question whether men need empowering in what ever way is being suggested and if they don't then it's probably a load of shit. She of course rolls her eyes at me!

It's a fantastic article, I try very hard not to buy anything pink, because it's a colour I've always disliked. The only exception to that has been one pair of gardening gloves, because the OH has a nasty habit of using mine and ruining them.

I've poll danced before, don't quite recognise the children's classes being discussed in the article, sounds gross. Ours was definitely over 18s only, there were several men in the club (exclusively gay if my dar is anything to go by) but also 80% of the classes we're women only with no spectators allowed.

It can be a fullilling and vigourous work-out and nothing more, if you don't bother with competitions or dancing professionally, but it will never escape it's sex industry roots. I'll concede that one of the instructors was very much 'for your husbands and boyfriends benefit' when discussing certain things. She even tried to talk me and my mate into signing up to a special Valentine's boudoir class as 'something for your fellas'. Poor women didn't know where to look when my friend said she was gay, it simply hadn't entertained the idea and that we might just be there for ourselves, rather than some bloke.

This was well over a decade ago now and I've since seen far more more things like adult gymnastics and adult ballet being advertised. I'd probably go for something like that these days over poll dancing.

Jessica nails it completely. She understands the complexities involved.

I personally will never have a relationship with a man ever again, but I do admire those who do and are happy with their lot.

I thought this was a good article. But her articles on victim blaming are the best. Incredibly insightful but also very very accessible. She really articulates what I think so many of us think but can't quite express.

Agree completely re the self defence. I'm not against self defence, obviously, but it's not empowering. It's a sad truth that in the world we live in it's something we may well need and our daughters will probably definitely need. (although DH is also insistent that DS do self defence for the same reason - he doesn't want him caught up in something, particularly when he's a teenager and likely to be doing stupid things).

Such a good article - she writes with such insight and really nails the issues . Great woman.

signing up to a special Valentine's boudoir class as 'something for your fellas'. Poor women didn't know where to look when my friend said she was gay

Oh fk that's hilarious.

Surprised she didn't segway straight into 'oh well for the special woman in your life then"; she's clearly not shopping channel material.

Thanks for posting this link - great article.

Can’t remember the name tight now, but this was really pressed home by a film I saw on Netflix. A man walks into a lamppost and wakes up in a world that women dominate.

The bar scene where traditionally women gyrate for no good reason was replaced by men gyrating for no good reason. Really made me stop and think.

I've poll danced before

As a protest against the tax?

Mrs Thatcher was a powerful woman - I bet she did loads of the dancing.

I agree with the article with the exception of the self defence issue, which I think is complex.

The reason most women's self defence classes are not empowering is that most (not all) of them fail to teach proper skills.

Any self-defence classes that teach women proper fighting / defensive skills are great and I know women who have protected themselves from rapes and assaults after attending such courses. How can anyone say that this is not empowering?

Having said that I think that, for women who are sufficiently physically fit, jining an amateur boxing club and learning how to punch people (it will be mostly men) hard in the face, in a friendly environment, is hugely empowering.

Of course we should not need to learn how to physically defend ourselves but, speaking from personal experience, I have found it to be extremely empowering and I have intervened in several situations where women were subjected to unwanted male attention, something I would never have had the confidence to do, were I not skilled in dealing with men on a physical level.

Yes, I’m undecided about “self defence”. I don’t see it though as shifting responsibility onto women. I see it as sensible. Martial arts are not necessarily practical. My DD does karate, but I’ve shown her where to “knee” someone if she needs to. How to push someone away with an upwards thrust under the chin and other tactics. I think it helps to give girls body confidence. I’ve used these methods for men who didn’t hear “no”.

But if a woman has learned self-defence techniques and is attacked and freezes, or attempts to fight and is overpowered, or does not realise in time what is happening to her - do you not think that having been sold the illusion of having the power to prevent her own rape could lead to self-blame?

We all do certain things to try and protect ourselves from men so I understand the point. Although I am so slightly built I do not believe I would ever be able to physically defend myself against a grown man who meant me harm, I am extremely interested in looking for signs that a man might be dangerous - I loved The Gift of Fear for example, and it made me feel like maybe I could avoid being tricked into a dangerous situation. But it is basically true that women cannot be empowered to prevent their own rape.

I definitely don't mean that women shouldn't learn self-defence if they enjoy it, but I am sceptical of it as something that women should do specifically to protect themselves from sexual violence, for all the reasons Jessica Eaton described.

There is a list as long as your arm of the things that women should apparently be doing to protect ourselves and all of them in isolation appear 'sensible', and if you did all of them you'd be living a very restricted life and dedicating a serious amount of your time and energy to keeping yourself safe from sexual assault. And you still wouldn't be safe.

I don’t know. From a book I’m reading at the moment, Trama and Recovery, it seems pretty standard for rape victims to blame themselves, training or not.

Sure, because of the victim-blaming rape culture we live in. Wasn't the point that 'learn to protect yourself from rape empowering self-defence classes' are part of the victim-blaming rape culture.

I definitely see both sides on that one, though.

Love Jessica. She’s awesome. Especially the bit about sluts an hoes. Have heard those arguing for legalisation of prostitution talking about whores and whorephobia. Well, as Jessica says, you’re just reinforcing what the patriarchy thinks about women who are forced to sell their bodies for male sexual gratification. You’re not being edgy and cool by calling them whores and you’re not helping women either. Astounding how people can be so dumb.