Should we let our kids go off with strangers?

[Nightwitch]

I've been thinking.

Are we wrong to tell children not to talk to strangers? After all, most strangers are completely normal, nice people. Only about 5% of the male population are paedophiles and even then, most of them aren't murderera.
Are we teaching children to discriminate against people who may very well have puppies to show off or have genuinely lost their cat?
why are we teaching our young to discriminate against over 95% of the entire population, some of whom may just be lonely or depressed or seriously proud of their litter of kittens on the tiny, tiny chance that that person might be a paedo?
It's insulting and disgusting to assume that every stranger is a pervert! Most child abuse is carried out by someone close to the child anyway, a relative or a family friend. Why punish strangers who are simply trying to live their own lives? If perverts want to attack children, they will do so whether or not, children are taught not to speak to strangers and they will be punished accordingly. Don't teach children prejudice and boundaries. They won't need them when they're older.

Would you like to see my puppies?

I suppose it's about risk-management isn't it? Anyway...I've taught my children about "tricky adults".

Adults who try to trick them. This includes adults who talk to them about things which adults don't usually talk to children, adults who ask children for help, adults who ask children to go somewhere with them without asking me first and so on.

Not "strangers" because children are smart and mine see me chat to complete strangers on a daily basis as I'm friendly and like a ilttle chat.

Mine have also been taught to listen to their instincts.

Someone talking to them and making them feel odd? Leave. Don't speak to them anymore. Manners don't come into it.

Even if only 5% of the population has bad intentions, that 5% is going to go to enormous lengths to get access to their victims.

The 95% isn't going to make an effort because they're not motivated to.

So the chances of running across the 5% are much higher than actual 5%. The 95% isn't going to approach. It's the 5% that's going to approach.

Anyone who criticizes a parent for teaching (or child for having) boundaries that keep them safe from predatory behaviour is either a predator, an enabler, or dangerously naive IMO.

My view is that most people/strangers wouldn't try to get an unknown child to go anywhere with them. Why would they? Unless there's a very good reason like the building is on fire. Therefore I think it's fairly safe to say that a stranger who tries to entice a child to go with them doesn't have good intentions.

Similarly, why do women always arrange a taxi or lift home at the end of an evening? Most men can be trusted late at night can't they?

Why do people lock their doors?

Are they so stupid they think theres hordes of criminals with swag bags on their backs, roaming the streets every night just desperate to get at your TV?

Stop making all your neighbours feel untrusted and leave your doors open.

I agree, someone should think of the feelings of these strangers, they just be so hurt that children are suspicious of them. It’s a total infringement of their human rights.

I think that unless we are able to PROVE that that stranger is a risk to our children, we should allow them to go and see the puppies .

Or maybe even encourage them and tell them that their feelings and anxieties are bigotry. They need to learn that their strangers feeling are more valid than theirs. It’s all about being nice isn’t it?

The government should fund a charity to rewrite the schools information and training packs on this topic and make space for it in the national curriculum .

Stranger danger is quite an outmoded approach.

Mine know they have to tell me where they're going.
So if they're playing out and they decide to move somewhere else (cycle round the lake or go into a friend's house) they have to tell me first.
It's framed as knowing where they are in case I need to find them.

They know if somebody tries to undermine me (your mum wouldn't let you do this but I will because you're so grown up) or if they relate to them more as a pseudo adult (telling their problems and asking my child for support for example) that is a weird thing.

This is the thing isn't it.

Jumped on for acting and treating men (and yes mainly men although we are well aware women can be dodgy too) like they are potential paedophiles/rapists

But

Jumped on also when something for happens for allowing men we know and thought were safe to take us home. Or calling taxis and ubers because everyone knows they arent safe.

Meanwhile men who aren't dodgy perfectly understand why people act the way they do, do not take offence and if the occasion arises where they are needed to help they do things like get their wives and dds to help and do not put themselves in a situation where they could be seen as acting suspiciously.

Yes this is true

And most men don't get arsey about it.

Some do, obviously, they are probably ones to be wary of anyway!

So a charity saying 'you have the right to choose x and if your mum doesn't let you she is bad and you should get away from her' falls into that approach nicely.

Totally agree. It’s completely bigoted to suggest that all strangers are a danger, and we should teach our children not to hurt their feelings by refusing to go off with them just because of the small tiny infinitesimal risk of harm, which, let’s face it, hardly ever happens (and when we hear about it it’s usually exaggerated nonsense and scaremongering).

The vast majority of strangers just want to take children away with them for a nice chat, so why tar them all with the same brush?

Some parents still tell their kids to tell a woman.

Some say this is sexist and paints all men as paedophiles.

In fact there are lots of reasons - which are all valid TBF. One beig women are socialised to be more helpful and to be responsible and so are probably more likely to actually try to help!

Very tongue in cheek OP!

Our kids jobs ain’t to help the lonely and the depressed is it ?
I want my kids to do that I will take them
I want my kids to look at puppies I will take them
I do not want my kids to go off with strangers
I keep my kids safe

Oh fuck 😂😂

It's probably actually literally violent to even think that one of the 95% might be one of the 5%.

Id like a picture of the puppies please

WTF. If I have a new kitten why in hell would I (as a grown adult) ask a child I didn't know to go and look at it? That's not innocent. Teach your kids what you like but I will be raising my daughter with good personal safety practices, body safety and no secrets. Maybe a stranger poses a threat, maybe someone known to us but surely you cover this in regular positive discussions with your child.

I see what you did there.

blackcat

She doesn't mean it literally

Do you have a new kitten

Ha, no but I do have a cat. My point is that if the post is about strangers not posing the risk we may perceive and the old classic come check out my puppies/sweeties/kittens possibly just being innocent, why would an adult be asking this of a child they don't know. Maybe I've lost my dog have you seen them could be legit but stats aside it's a genuinely risky situation that kids should be aware of. Maybe I'm just missing the point.

Completely agree with this. Why only last night, my partner accidentally left his car window down, and no-one broke in.

Instead of merely feeling fortunate, we've decided that we've been silly closing and locking car doors and windows and we're now going to keep everything wide open on the street every night so no-one walking past feels like we might be accusing them of car theft.

I shudder to think of how cruel we've been.

Pineapple, we never lock our car because our car is ancient and we live on an isolated farm in rural Ireland. I can’t understand the prejudice and paranoia of you Londoners who lock your brand new expensive sports cars every day.

And what if they don't identify as strangers?

They might identify as friends we haven't met yet. There's no way of knowing and it's horrible and bigoted to assume.

I am thoroughly ashamed of myself!

From now on, I'm going to let random do whatever they like whenever they like and teach my children the same.

Who am I to judge.

Amongst the hilarious sarcasm in the OP, isn't that bit about stranger danger vs abuse in the home actually true? If so, shouldn't male partners and spouses be subject to the same CRB checks (or whatever it's called this week) as youth leaders, sports coaches etc?