What do you really think of scruffy friends?

[violentviolet]

• My hair is permanently wavy and tatty.
• I'm uber-pale and I don't tan.
• I don't have much time to iron, so tend to "chance it" with my clothes.
• Said clothes are generally old, over-tumbled, and my jeans are ripped at the back from walking on them (I'm short)
• I don't have matching accessories, bags, etc
• I don't dress very feminine or stylish, but tend to go for classic things like dark tops and jeans or black trousers.
• I still look like a student.

My (mostly childless) friends constantly look glamorous, made up, straightened, tanned, in accessorised outfits with lovely haircuts, and I feel like a tatty minger next to them. I tend to look overdressed when I do attempt to smarten up as I can't get the balance right.

Should I be trying to fight against the scruffy hippy I seem to have become, or should I just accept that not everyone is the glamorous and organised type, and just accept who I am?

What do you really think of your scruffy friends? And don't be PC, I want the truth!

[GodzillasBumcheek]

I am the scruffy friend, Violent, and i havemuch the same problems as you. Will be watching this thread - but not too closely as it's not like i intend to change

[PussinJimmyChoos]

It doesn't matter - its what's inside that counts. I've got a friend who dresses quite radical and would look scruffy to some and if we are walking in the street, she gets some odd looks - but she's got a heart of gold and that's what I like most!

[Bowddee]

Having read your description of your current style, I think I may be your twin.
I too am The Scruffy Friend. Even compared to my Mummy Friends.

[BibiThree]

I am the scruffy friend too

[Stargazing]

it's swings and roundabouts. innit. I am scruff-central most of the time and feel constantly ashamed of how I have "let my style go" - but I can also pull out the stops when needed and look okay. I don't think anyone cares except me.

Acceptance is the way forward I think, Maybe just change one or two things but only if they reeeeeeally bug you. If they don;t then sod it.

[violentviolet]

See, I've got a lovely, lovely friend who tends to waft about her house in voluminous kaftans (and nothing else, nips everywhere) unbrushed cloud of hair, no makeup, no shoes most of the time. Her house is a jumble, and she's an absolute darling. She positively oozes confidence and doesn't give a shit what anybody thinks, and no-one would even think to judge her on her appearance or her housekeeping!

But I'm always ashamed about my tattiness, and so I wonder what people truly think...

[charliecat]

I am the scruffy friend, I am makeup less, hair cut less and in summer shoeless too.
I am me, take me or leave me. I dont mind....Im not going to conform and wear shoes and make up and waste my time ironing because you feel you have to...

[Aefondkiss]

I am scuffed at the edges glamorous imo, and I am mostly happy with that, I don't want to look like an identikit clothes horse.

Do you like the way your friends look?

[yama]

I've never had style but I sometimes think that clothes-wise I get it right.

I'd rather have a nice face and body over style any day (does that sound really bad?).

[violentviolet]

aefondkiss, I admire the way they look, but only because it means I look so bad in comparison. I'm not enjoying this fashion for straightened hair either, it makes everyone else look "wrong" which is utterly daft.

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

I am SO the scruffy friend!! Lots of my friends are really nicely turned out, but my excuse is that I have 2 dogs to walk round a muccy park each morning, then I just don't think about changing my clothes (well you wouldn't, would you?) So I am hair scraped back in a really unflattering bun, no make-up, ever, jeans, T-shirt, trainers/ sensible shoes.

I don't think I have a nice face OR body either!!

But my idea has always been that it is better to be scruffy, and then when you do dress up everyone thinks "wow!" than be accepted as stylish then when you have an off day everyone thinks how bad you look!

Or maybe I am just lazy! And have more to worry me!

[violentviolet]

I note we haven't had anyone come on here and say "I'm reasonably stylish and this is what I think of scruffy people " yet

Do you think we should shape up, or be comfortable in our own skin?

[Cashncarry]

I think if your friends would describe you as "scruffy" then they're not really friends at all (and I speak as a fellow-scruff!)

I'm sure all the uber-glam MNers will back me up

[yama]

Who wants to be uncomfortable anyway?

Lets face it - style comes at a cost (and I don't mean monetary).

[violentviolet]

See, joolyjoo, you're one of those confident scruffs (of which there are a few on this thread) like my friend. I'm pretty sure if you're confident, people don't "notice" the scruffiness, and assume it's a chosen look. That's my theory anyway.

[violentviolet]

Money is a factor too though, yama. When everyone's budgeting for food and utilities, it seems kinda obscene to be forking out over £60 to Toni & Guy's or whatever, just for appearances sake.

[Aefondkiss]

Violentviolet - As a scruffy person I would say be comfortable in your own skin!

I just don't have time for straighteners, and I am blind enough not to worry about it too much, plus it is incompatible with my scruffy lifestyle, I cycle everywhere, it is very windy where I live, so I just couldn't be arsed!

I do however wear make up, and I try to look good-if-scruffy. My clothes are always well worn, to the point of disintegration, due to limited shopping opportunities/budget.

[yama]

Yeah, you are right Violentviolet. I guess it comes down to how you prioritise your spending. I could never justify spending huge amounts of money on myself - on me. No way.

Sometimes I look like a student but I think that's because I still have that student mindset of not wasting money.

My only extravagance is skincare but I think that's because I regard that as looking after my health.

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

It's not just spending, it's time!! Do I want to spend 30 minutes straightening my hair or 30 minutes making sock puppets with my kids, who don't give 2 hoots what my hair looks like??

I'm not actually a confident scruff, but I am too lazy to do anything about it! . people around me hav ecome to accept a certain (low) standard from me, so that when I want to make the effort they are amazed (it's the Plain Jane super brain theory!)

[yama]

So, reasons to be scruffy:

It saves time
It saves money
It is comfortable

You know, we could recruit.

[S1ur]

Heh. Shall I be that reasonable stylish type?

I accessorise, but they rarely match, I don't spend money on clothes but I have a fair few built up over the years, I don't iron but I have been known to straighten my hair before a trip to the library
I have an occasional thought as I am dressing to leave, of what if I bump into that twat of an ex (not strictly true - but I mean it occurs to me how I look rather than just functionality and what is clean, though obviously that is a large factor.)

So there are my credentials.

What do I think of my scruffy mates? I think they are fantastic women who are witty and intelligent and beautiful and wise and bloody brilliant.

WHat do I think of what they wear? Occasionally I might maybe think, I don't like that top, its not a greqat look. But it is fleeting because wht I usually think is about whatever they are saying at the time. I do notice when they've done something different to their hair though. I suspect that I am a superficial ditz really.

[S1ur]

Think I meant reasonably stylish but even that I feel too unsure to claim, maybe, erm, reasonably groomed?

[brimfull]

If you're happy with the way you look then it doesn't matter.

I have some friends who dress very stylishly and follow the fashion,others who don't give a stuff what they're wearing-matters not a jot to me .

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

I'm on another thread atm which is reminding me of my young goth days, where I wouldn't venture out without my full compliment of black (matching!) clothes and make up- how times change!

[violentviolet]

lol yama!

Tired of paying out to look good? All plucked, waxed and spraytanned out? Got "straighteners elbow from using your ghd's too much? Fed up of spending hours ironing?

Why not try NOT DOING IT! Being scruffy is the new black, so let those armpits grow out, throw away your uplift bras and sink into your oldest Pauline Fowler cardigan. Taking on new recruits now! JOIN USSSSSSS.....