Please help-desperate

[Addi13]

Hi,

I made a thread a few days ago but things have progressed since then.

My DD is 5 weeks old. She will not sleep in her cot, we've tried everything! My HV suggested getting into a routine from 7pm (!) which many people shot down on here for being ridiculous.

DD now won't settle in bed next to me either.

In desperation, we've started giving her 2 bottles at night just to try and get her to sleep in her cot. Last night we settled her for bed, fed, changed her at 10pm. White noise on, no other noise, lights off/dimmed. DD fell asleep at 3am! She was awake/crying every single time we put her in her cot. She only slept after I breastfed her then gave her a second bottle, she's not used to bottles so only took 2 ounces. She slept til 5, I fed her then she woke again at 6.

I am on my knees here, I'm so tired I can barely think straight. I've been sobbing since 6am because I can't do this anymore! I just want to walk out and book into the nearest hotel and sleep!

I think I have postnatal depression as I'm having horrible thoughts and feelings.

I saw HV again today and DD has gained 4 ounces in a week, she's basically stayed on the centile line. HV has said she's gonna refer me to perinatal team for counselling and I should see my GP re: possibly antidepressants (I've had depression before) she's also advised that because of how low I am my milk supply might be affected and if I wanted to stop breastfeeding and switch to bottles I should. All I wanted was advice on how to help DD sleep but she was so concerned at the state I was in that all she could say was how I should try and sleep and could I leave DD with someone before I have a break down.

Please, can anyone help me? I'm so low and exhausted and I can't even think straight. I love my children so much and hate feeling like this

[FATEdestiny]

Have you tried a dummy? They are absolutely sanity savers. If you don't have one, I'd pop out to Tesco right now and get a pack.

Next, do you have a cot sheet or a single flat sheet? A single sheet can be ripped in half to make two cot-sheets. You can probably get one of these from Tesco toj while you are out.

Use the sheet as a swaddle, quite tight around the shoulders.

• put baby in centre of long edge
  
• wrap one side over shoulder and arm and under baby, all the way around.
  
• wrap other side over other shoulder and arm and wrap all the way under and around baby
  

Hold just-fed baby in swaddle, put dummy in, sway with baby on your shoulder or cradle in arms and rock gently.

Once asleep lay on your bed and you lie with her. Cuddle up and have a nap yourself.

5 weeks is very young. You have the steepest of steep learning curve ahead of you if this is your first. It will be fine

[Addi13]

Yes, I've tried many different dummies, she won't take any, I've tried tapping them, slipping them in after feeding and putting breast milk on them.

We've tried swaddling too, she hates her arms and legs being covered up, will only settle (for stupidly short periods) in a sleeping bag

She's my second but DS was an absolute dream for sleeping!

[SweepTheHalls]

Bedside cot, feed to sleep, cuddle in til deep sleep and gently slide over is what worked for us!

[FATEdestiny]

Im seconding what SweepTheHalls said in that case.

[Heirhelp]

I am sorry things are so difficult.

For the PND it maybe or may not be. Don't worry about a label take all the help you can get.

At 7 I used to go to and have a bath and go to bed and DH would keep my DD downstairs until 12 so I could get some sleep.

Is she showing any signs of allergy or reflux?

[YellowRoses6]

You have my sympathy - my DS was very much like this in the early weeks and it's utterly exhausting. I found the only way that worked to get him to sleep at the start of the night was to put him the sling and walk round till he nodded off. Co-sleeping was also an absolute life saver too, though I know not everyone's comfortable with that so agree a bedside cot could be a good option.

It may not feel like it now, but it really will get better.

[user1484858525]

At 2.30 am one very desperate night I bought a sleepyhead on Amazon and never looked back. They are expensive but seems to have magical powers. Both my children loathed swaddling but this seemed to work for us. Hope you get some sleep soon.

[amysmummy12345]

Has she been checked for silent reflux?

[vitalite]

Will she sleep in her pram? Can you get her to sleep in the pram then transfer over to cot? If she falls asleep in your arms does she then wake upon putting into cot?

My DS had this https://www.amazon.co.uk/d/kbe/BABYMOOV-A050406-Cosydream-Smokey/B0160OYPEQ/ref=sr11_11?s=baby&ie=UTF8&qid=1484860569&sr=1-11&keywords=Baby+love in his cot/crib and I think he liked it.

[Heirhelp]

Op how was last night?

[Addi13]

Thanks for all your replies.

Thursday/when I wrote this post was the worst day so far, I saw the perinatal mental health team today (Friday) as they were concerned when they spoke to me on the phone. They think I've definitely got PND but also am suffering badly from anxiety(even when DD falls asleep, I can't sleep as I'm too tightly wound up with worry to sleep-like a coiled spring!) and mostly sleep deprivation, they've prescribed antidepressants and also a night time sedative to take at least 2x a week. The consultants said I need at least 2x nights a week where I sleep at least 8 hours a night and someone else tend to baby as I can't go on with no sleep as it's (not literally) killing me.

I think she is showing signs of silent reflux and I was going to mention this to the HV but unfortunately when HV came round I was hysterical sobbing and her main priority was to calm me and get me help so all other discussions went out the window!

Thank you for all your replies, I've taken everything on board

[altkat]

Just want to say that you can do this and you will be OK. PND is awful (going through it now) and I remember when DS was that small just lying awake even when he slept because I was so terrified. He's 4.5 months now and it is getting easier.

I hope you both get some sleep tonight.

[littleoysterslittleoysters]

Oh OP I could have written that post a year ago. You will get through it. Do whatever it takes to get some rest. I had PND and had counselling and ADs (off them now) and it gets better. The intrusive thoughts are SO to do with the tiredness. Good Luck!

[Addi13]

Looks like it's going to be another shit night here. Baby still hasn't settled! She's currently on the boob feeding and has been on and off since 11.30pm. Every time she falls asleep on the boob, I wind her and lie her on me for 20ish minutes til she's deep sleeping and as soon as she's in her cot within 5 minutes she's crying again!

I can't do this, I genuinely can't take this anymore! I'm googling "how to have my baby fostered" just because I can't cope with it and it's breaking my heart cos I love her so much!

Thanks for all your help, I just feel so bloody helpless

[BillSykesDog]

Have you tried a baby rocker? Mine was the same but he would go to sleep in this:

m.johnlewis.com/comfort-and-harmony-cozy-kingdom-portable-swing/p/1163239?sku=233120560&s_kwcid=2dx92700016886153316&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gclid=Cj0KEQiAh4fEBRCZhriIjLfArrQBEiQArzzDAXhfPOnJY2Fv5_3XgtmKWn-K77fcvLCeTyYz_C6g_T4aAo6o8P8HAQ&gclsrc=aw.ds

Also his twin brother would go off in a baby seat with a vibrate setting. Plus lavender oil on the cot can help.

[BreatheDeep]

Do you have a partner there? Can they take baby for a couple of hours now so you can sleep?

[BillSykesDog]

I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight, I have 5mth old twins and it is awful. Especially when you've had one easy baby already so it comes as such a shock. But although it doesn't feel like it these horrendous early days are over relatively quickly and you will be out of the woods soon.

[CheeseFlavouredDiscs]

Oh OP, it must be awful for you right now hugs

I know roughly where you are at with this, as I was in the same place a few years back. Is there anybody who can help you out? Maybe a family member who could come & live with you for a few weeks, or who could come & be a night nurse for you a couple of nights each week?

I had my DH but he worked a lot & family didn't live nearby so I was alone & also doing things like googling how to get my child adopted. In the end we moved to a different part of the country for 6 months to live with family, as I didn't trust myself with my DC and couldn't cope at all. It did mean that I got a lot more help though, both practical and emotional. I did eventually get through it and the PND & anxiety disorder did go away over time (and with counselling, CBT and medication)

You are not alone OP, and you are not the only person who has ever felt this way.

[Addi13]

My partner is here and just as tired/frustrated as me, maybe even more so as he had DD earlier whilst I slept from 7.30-11.30!

DD is still wide awake, fretting and crying and rooting for another feed!

I don't have anyone who could come and be night nurse! My mum could possibly do one night a week but couldn't realistically do anymore than that.

I'm looking at her now wishing she'd never been born, and feeling like the worlds biggest failure

[CheeseFlavouredDiscs]

On a more practical note, do you think it might be discomfort after bottle feeds causing a problem? Could DD be swallowing a lot of air with the formula? Have you tried infacol? (That stuff was my saviour)

Other things to try include...
• sweaty shirt in the cot with DD to help with the transition
• white noise (a friend swears by it - there are free apps for your phone)
• gro-bags for sleeping (my DC was a fussy sleeper, hated swaddling but kicked off the covers a lot, these prevented those problems)

Maybe other have some suggestions of things you can try?

Also, if you are completely losing the plot it is absolutely fine to put baby in their cot, shut the door and walk away for a cup of tea somewhere away from it. If there is anyone else (adults only, obvs) in the house then hand DD to them whilst you get a cuppa and clear your head.

[CheeseFlavouredDiscs]

If she is still hungry maybe some hungry baby formula would be worth a try?

Also,aye try and schedule the sleeping so that you go to bed early and DP takes her until maybe 2/3am & then you take her from then onwards, and he sleeps until work?

Take the one night a week from your mum, you be amazed at the restorative powers of a good night's sleep!

Do you have any close friends who might help you out and be a night nurse for a night? I suspect other mums would be far more inclined to say yes as they probably recall what those early days are like!

[BreatheDeep]

Sleep deprivation is awful. I'm up with my 5 week old. I've had 2 hours sleep tonight. I have said a choice few swear words at him. But I don't have PND so I can't imagine how much worse you are feeling.

You and your partner should take shifts at a time. If you both get blocks of sleep you might feel better. We had to do that with our first DC as he went through a stage of not sleeping in his cot.

It does get better. Promise.

[CheeseFlavouredDiscs]

You are not a failure and you won't always feel like this. You made that amazing baby girl, you brought her into this world and you love her. Yes you hate how awful it feels and how hard it is and all the crappy emotions that are churning up inside you, but you won't feel like this forever. I promise.

It's now the weekend, so hopefully DP doesn't have work? Take it in turns between you to get lots of sleep this weekend, it will really help if you get a full night's sleep and DO takes DD tomorrow night. Let him sleep all of sat & sun daytime if necessary, but get the nighttime sleep you need to stay sane.

Have you been to your GP yet? If not, please go first thing on Monday morning. I suggest you write it all down (I did this and it really helped as I was a blubbering wreck at the GP and just handed her my 2 sides of A4 paper to read - she was able to help me a lot more because of that) take the meds, ask for urgent referral for a talking therapy (eg CBT) and make regular appointments (eg weekly) to see your GP to make sure you are doing ok. Some areas offer this type of service through health visitors ( my area did this and it was amazingly helpful)

[seven201]

I can't advise on the pnd side of things but I second the person who said get a sleepyhead. It's the only place my dd would settle other than on me. She also refused all dummies screamed if swaddled. If you do think she has reflux try and get the right meds asap as it should help her sleep. My dd has silent reflux and cow's milk protein allergy and sleep improves a lot when we got the meds sorted.

[Wingingit88]

When nine were little they would only sleep in me and I spent the first month sleeping propped up in bed with him on my biob. We eventually transitioned to him sleeping next to me. Is cosleeping an option for you?