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Misery loves company: anyone want to join me on a support thread for those desperate and demoralised by their 8/9/10 mo sleep?

(1000 Posts)
Suchanamateur Tue 11-Dec-12 14:36:13

Bloody sleep regression. It's like 4 months all over again but worse because it felt (briefly) like we were getting somewhere. Feck. Anyone else want to share tales of woe or is it (a) just me or (b) way too depressing to post about..?

LadyKinbote Thu 13-Dec-12 09:32:10

Btw for those of you worried about returning to work, I've been back for a few months and in some ways it's easier because at least you can go to the toilet / drink a cup of tea in peace! I think my body is starting to get used to no sleep as well!

blossombath Thu 13-Dec-12 09:38:16

I did think that Lady, you at least get a distraction from sleep obsession, and mental space for yourself. Surprising how well one can cope on little sleep if you have to.
<bucks self up>
Off to do the chores!

Suchanamateur Thu 13-Dec-12 09:45:10

Elphaba no judgment here on cc. You have to try whatever works/ you feel comfortable with desperate enough to do. Not sure if this helps but we tried cc with my older DS (now 2.75) when he was 7/8 months ish. Didn't really work. Tried again in utter desperation at just over 10 months after a Christmas of less than no sleep and prospect of returning to work. It worked like the textbooks say it should. I couldn't believe it or at least two weeks. Can't say he's perfect now - and we did go through 6 months plus of 5.24am wakings (still do sometimes) but anything was 100 x better than waking 6 or 7 times a night and not going back to sleep.

I suspect we will head down a similar route post Xmas travels if DD doesn't improve. Although I think she'll be a trickier but to crack so to speak.

ExhaustTed Thu 13-Dec-12 22:14:29

Why oh why oh why is it 5am on the dot, I can't figure it out. It's as if she has an alarm clock. I can't see why, it's not as if she's got a job to go to....

Feeling everyone's pain. No cc judgement here, considering it too out of desperation, if only it wouldn't wake up the whole street.

Nightmoves Fri 14-Dec-12 00:52:19

blossom don't beat yourself up about having to feed DS to sleep. We do what we have to do to get through and have some semblance of a life! I recently had DS in arms in front of tv feeding back to sleep so DH and I could spend more than 10 mins together of an evening. It will get better, so I'm told anyway.

elphaba SO hear you about the gym. My gym has a crèche but more often than not I just pop DS in and have sauna and a long hot shower!!

ElphabaTheGreen Fri 14-Dec-12 07:21:01

I'm not convinced feeding to sleep is the enemy. On the rare occasions where DS has self-settled, he sleeps for a shorter length of time than when I feed to sleep.

Bloody woe piled upon misery here. He's had a cough which has lasted about eight weeks (not exaggerating) which has finally, FINALLY shown signs of buggering off. Now, he's decided to go from zero teeth to six in a month and he's utterly miserable and sleeping even less, which I barely thought possible.

Do you hear that groaning sound? It's me, pushing shit uphill...

blossombath Fri 14-Dec-12 09:23:49

Poor baby Elphaba, all those teeth at once! And poor Elphaba having to watch him in misery at all hours of the night. I do hate teething because I never know whether it is actually teeth causing DS to be extra difficult, or if I'm plying him with calpol for no good reason.

Re feeding I haven't noticed much improvement in his sleep since I stopped (mostly) feeding to sleep, but it makes me feel that at least I'm doing something iyswim. When I end up feeding him to sleep I imagine I can see the 'baby gurus' and other parents crowding round me muttering about rods for backs. Which I know is utter tosh. But still.

Wish I had a gym creche sauna set up, sounds brilliant!

exhausTed, have you tried wake to sleep? Ie going in there and poking them at 4am to try and stop the 5am wake up. TBH it hasn't worked for me but I am a bit scared of it so I never poked hard. Just a thought, though, if the waking is at a regular time.

Mitsouko Fri 14-Dec-12 11:18:08

Elphaba I am also totally unconvinced about the whole self-settling thing being the Holy Grail of infant sleep and quiet nights. I know it's de rigueur as far as all the baby books which I have used for winter fuel go, but since DD started self setting for bedtime and most morning naps at 8 months I have seen no change as far as her night wakings go. Nada. In fact, I would also go as far to say that she sleeps longer and more peacefully after being fed to sleep. When we get a rare 4-5 hour stretch, it's almost always after she's fallen asleep nursing. If she's put down "sleepy but awake" she will drop off without much fuss about 75% of the time, but in all likelihood will wake crying out in a panic 30-60 minutes later.

ElphabaTheGreen Fri 14-Dec-12 12:31:45

Yep - 30 to 45 minutes is all we get after a self-settle as well. When we do get two or (gasp!) three hours, it's after a big feed into unconsciousness. He self-settled for two consecutive wakings the other night so technically went from 10 til 2 without me having to see to him, but I still had to put up with three or four minutes of, 'Eh! Eh! Eh!' down the baby monitor, so we still got woken up a couple of times, and obviously, he didn't magically stay asleep despite the preceding self-settling.

ElphabaTheGreen Fri 14-Dec-12 12:35:44

Also not had any success with wake to sleep, either, blossom. I managed eke out a nap in the pram from half an hour to one hour by rocking at the right moment exactly twice. I'm pretty sure DS cottoned on to that, though, as shortly thereafter he refused to sleep in the pram altogether, unless on a long walk, and will now only sleep on me during the day. Deep joy.

Suchanamateur Fri 14-Dec-12 13:49:43

Snap here on self settling. She can do it at bedtime which I thought was meant to be the answer to all my prayers. Still wakes up in the night. Books talk shite.

Mitsouko Fri 14-Dec-12 14:45:45

Indeed they do, hence why I've burned them all...

My good friend's DS is 14 months and has always fed to sleep since birth. Not a "bad habit" as the books might suggest, but a lovely, comforting, natural way for a baby to fall asleep. Does he wake up 45 minutes later because he's come to the ned of a sleep cycle and finds himself somewhere different than from where he drifted off? Nope. He's done 7-7 since about 6 months. Before then he was having a dream feed around midnight, but then still going through the night just fine, bar the odd cold or teething pain. He's just wired that way, and it doesn't matter at all how he falls asleep. Not one bit.

Our babies are an entirely different species I think...

artifarti Fri 14-Dec-12 15:09:04

Yes, my friend has two DDs, one of whom was always fed to sleep and the other rocked to sleep; they both slept through from about 10 weeks and nothing ever wakes them envy

I also suffer from Calpol guilt. He's had quite a lot in the last week or so (at bedtime) as he's had a nasty virus but seemed perfectly normal and happy yesterday so put him to bed without and he fell asleep quite happily...only to wake up screaming ten minutes later and it took an hour and much medicine/feeding to get him back down. I think lying down makes the teething worse but I can't give him Calpol every night just in case can I?

We had success with wake to sleep with DS1 but he was three at the time so quite easy to wake up, kiss and he drops back off to sleep. I have never dared try it with a baby! DS1 started sleeping through at 7.5 months but would wake at - wait for it suchanamateur 5.24! How weird is that?! we were convined that something was waking him at that time - a neighbour's alarm clock or something - but no, he just woke up at that time! I am pleased to report that he sleeps until 7am now though so there is always hope.

Does anyone else co-sleep? DS2 comes into bed with me at some point every night. Another Rod...

ElphabaTheGreen Fri 14-Dec-12 15:19:14

I co-sleep on occasion. Hate. It. Scares me silly, but occasionally it will extend DS's sleeping a bit. My general rule of thumb is if he wakes up three times in an hour, I'll take him into the spare bedroom and I might get 3-4 hours straight (with me lying continuously in one, non-favoured position, terrified I'm going to smother or overheat him).

Northernexile Fri 14-Dec-12 15:26:20

Can I join please? I think I have found my spiritual home! thanks

My DD is 9.5mo. Used to sleep through with the aid of a dream feed. Wouldn't nap, but finally cracked that at about 4mo. Then she got mobile and it all went downhill! She now sleeps in the cot till about midnight then ends up in with me (DH is working away too at the minute which isn't helping, although there is no room for him in bed anymore anyway!), where she either sleeps till 5am then thinks it's an acceptable time to get up, or she has random, hideous two hour wakings at 2am where I just have to wait for her to wear herself out before she will go back to sleep. And then wake at 6.30. 'Naps' now involve her standing up in the cot shouting at me, or flaking out on my lap after a bottle.


EnglishGirlApproximately Fri 14-Dec-12 15:37:22

Can I join? Ds is nearly 9 months and getting worse. An ear infection coincided with the 4 month regression and it's been a nightmare ever since. We've gone from 11 hours a night at 9 weeks, to sleeping in cot and waking occasionally to refusing to sleep in cot. He won't sleep without someone in the room so I go to bed at 8 every night and co-sleep. If I try to put him in his cot he screams until I get him out. He was sleeping through if we coslept but this week he's started waking very hour. I'm back at work and its killing me.

Me and dp haven't slept in the same room for 4 months sad, we just take it in turns to cosleep. On the plus side if he's i with me he will sleep until about 8.

It will get better won't it?

Mitsouko Fri 14-Dec-12 15:46:03

Artifarti I co-sleep part of the night, wouldn't be able to function without it. I also do a lot of my night feeds lying down in bed rather than sitting up as it's more restful. I was really wary at first but once it became apparent that my DD was not going to sleep in her cot for more than two hours on average at a time, and would sometimes need resettling multiple times within an hour it became a necessity. It's really helped. I'd be up at 4am / 5am otherwise.

Like Elphaba I had really bad anxiety about it at first, enough to where I used a Respisense monitor for a few weeks until it became apparent that I wasn't going to roll over on DD without dislocating my shoulder, which I think would wake me up! I'm in two minds about it now. Love the snuggles and the 2-3 extra hours of sleep it affords me, hate the back and neck pain I wake up with. Not worried about rods though, I know plenty of young co-sleepers who have gone into their own beds between the ages of 1-3 without fuss. Once a child is verbal there's a lot more room for negotiation there. Anyway, that's what I hope talk to me when DD is 6 and still coming into my bed every morning at 4am

blossombath Fri 14-Dec-12 18:50:31

grin at the shite-talking books being used for winter fuel. So nice to be among people who disregard these things, irl my friends are book believers since their babies seem to have read the books.

Also pleased its not just my ds who can self settle but chooses not too most of the time.

artifarti for last few nights I have given ds calpol before brushing teeth at night, makes the first waking up easier as he just wants a cuddle and song, rather than wailing, arching and being in clear pain. Think I will carry in nightly doses for a few days then give a break, feels better than seeing him all distressed.

Wish co sleeping still. worked for us, we used to do it a bit when small but now it tends to mean he feeds hourly, waking me up, rather than every two hours or sometimes three in his cot. But I do often feed him on floor in nursery and doze off, take my sleep when I can get it nowadays.

Nightmoves Fri 14-Dec-12 20:26:43

We co-sleep completely at the mo. Settle him in bed with baracades and join him later. Thought it would help the wakenings as he might feel more secure but made no difference. It got to be tho that I was up practically the whole night when he slept alone and wasnt able to go on like that. Was never my intention tho and totally feel all the comments re back and neck pain. So bloody uncomfortable.
Spoke to doctor re the calpol thing as had to give it every night for a while due to teeth. He basically said fine to give as per instructions but that baba would still probs wake up. He was right as it happens but I do just give it if I think he needs it.

ElphabaTheGreen Sat 15-Dec-12 10:54:59

DS woke up 6 times before midnight last night! New record! grin

(I'm thinking if I start looking at it as a great achievement it won't get me down so much...and maybe if DS believes I'm enjoying it, he'll think 'this is no fun anymore' and start sleeping this space. If it works I might write a book about it.)

halfaglassofouzodestructo Sat 15-Dec-12 13:17:32

Have been reading with interest. So many of us in the same position! I too find that dd stays asleep longer if fed to sleep. I've halfheartedly tried to reduce length of feeds a la no cry sleep solution, but she even seems to wake up after slightly shorter feed, even if she falls back to sleep initially. Co sleeping doesn't seem to work for us though. She screams if I lay her down beside me. The toughest thing for me is that she won't let dh settle her so every time she cries I have to get up even at weekends.sad

Northernexile Sat 15-Dec-12 15:30:27

Like your reverse psychology idea Elphaba!

DD was awake twice in the night then up for the day at 5.

HearMyRoar Sat 15-Dec-12 16:20:53

Hello all. Dd is 8.5 months and her sleep is a disaster. She's getting her fangs through at the moment so is in agony plus teething always gives her terrible wind for some reason which isn't helping at all. Last night she was up crying most of the night the poor little thing. Thankfully I have a lovely dp who got up with her at 6 and let me stay in bed asleep until 11. Bliss!

We co-sleep completely and I love it. Being able to stay in bed when she wakes is the only thing that saves me from madness. We did buy a super king sized bed at 6 months though which makes all the difference and is an investment I would really recommend if you are cosleeping.

PickledLily Sat 15-Dec-12 17:54:16

Can I join you? I've been reading the thread but not had time to write.

Not really a regression as DD has never slept well. But DD is coming up to 9mths so at least now I have a textbook excuse.

The latest problem is that DD Will. Not. Settle. at all for me. She wriggles, scratches, slaps me if I hold her and if I put her in the cot (even if I have managed to calm her), she sits up and starts pulling herself up, before dropping her dummy between the cot and the wall. And then screams. DH on the other hand can settle her within 5mins hmm.

And DH and I have both got some viral cold/flu thing so feel like crap. Bug won't shift because we don't get enough sleep.

Can't cosleep, DD just starts crawling around.

How long do the sleep 'experts' say this regression lasts?

[naively optimistic paracetamol popping Santa emoticon]

Fishandjam Sat 15-Dec-12 19:45:58

Ooh, me too. I have DD 6 months, am in despair (have already posted separately under Behaviour/Development). Essentially, what blushingmare said - exactly the same situation. Spend too many evenings sobbing at the mo sad. Too knackered to read all posts just now but will be back later!

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