Hi everyone
I've been thinking things over and feel this is the best place I can give this opinion, so that any parents thinking about sending their child to Haberdashers' Aske's School for Girls in Elstree can see it from the eyes of someone who went there, and not just a school prospectus.
I went to Habs Girls from the age of 11 to 18 and left relatively recently. I went on to Oxford and graduated with a first. Last week, a friend's Mum asked my opinion on Habs, as a colleague was thinking about sending their daughter there. The opinions I give below are my own and in no way affiliated with the school’s.
My experience of Habs Girls was that it was awful for pastoral support. I went from a straight A* student to barely being able to hand in essays. A teacher in a senior position asked me to come to her office and proceeded to tell me that if her friends, who she told me were barristers/lawyers etc, could function and go to work, even though they had previously been suicidal, then I could finish my essays. I also am pretty sure (from diary entries and my own memory) that another kept a girl in the school, who had an eating disorder at the time, waiting outside her office for the whole day while there were school-wide celebrations occurring (I can't go into much more detail here, otherwise I might reveal more than I want to). She felt so ashamed and unhappy (the girl, not the teacher). In my memory (and I kept several diaries detailing the events, which I have since checked over to refresh things) she never asked me how I could have gone from a student with top grades to a student barely being able to function. All I remember is blame, blame, blame, and criticism when I tried to explain myself. Another teacher made fun of the fact that I used to apologise all the time for handing in work late, without asking me why this had suddenly started happening.
I had never a 'problem student.' In fact, I was made a prefect before I started being ill. However, when I experienced difficulties that not my fault, I was shouted at by one teacher in front of a year 8 class when I asked for a day-long essay extension due to illness. While I completely understand that everything is subjective, I clearly remember events like these happening and, from the perspective of someone in their twenties, who has gone through the system, I struggle to think how this could have been anything other than being… well, really bad at an aspect of one’s job.
I went to Oxford and achieved a first class degree. Those who know I went to Habs Girls (relatives etc.) have since asked me how I would credit Habs Girls in my overall success. My overwhelming memory of Habs Girls was how critical it was when it came to grades. My mother confirmed a memory I am about to share, as we both went along to a parent's evening in year 9 to talk about GCSE options - she remembered being as shocked as I was. The headmistress gave a speech, during which she was talking about whether to take 9 or 10 GCSEs. She said – and my mother remembers this too – “remember, it is far better to get 9 As rather than 9 As and 1 A.”
I believe that Habs Girls limits its students by promoting perfectionism. I cannot overstate this enough. There is such a pervading atmosphere of perfectionism in that place. I feel like a lot of parents act like it’s wonderful when students get straight As in GCSEs and A-Levels. They forget or choose to overlook the fact there is often a great deal of fear that is instilled in students about NOT getting those top grades. I have been around girls who have had panic attacks about the possibility of getting a B. There were girls in tears because they ‘only’ got 8 As and 1A during GCSE day. Girls who think they’re not good enough.
Why am I saying this now? Why did I not complain? Because I wasn’t old enough to realise that the teacher(s) I’ve mentioned had committed a gross error and had been (again, in my opinion) terrible at their jobs. I didn’t stand up to myself because mental health awareness was not present at Habs, and was not made a priority. I was a teenage girl, up against people who never asked me what was wrong, but instead told me off for not achieving. When I was at school, I believed that everything was my fault. I used to cry and cry and wonder how everything had gone so wrong. Having been to the place where ‘everyone wanted to go to’ – ie Oxbridge - and having had a great time there, I can now say wholeheartedly that the problem was not mine. They did not do enough to help me, and to help other girls who had similar or very different problems. Even when I was at freakin’ OXFORD, it was less of a perfectionist place than Habs Girls, in my experience.
I wonder, if anyone reads this, if I’ll get the response ‘it’s not for everyone: some people can hack it, and some people can’t.’ To this I would say: I got straight As and a first from Oxford. I never had any problem with Oxford whatsoever – compared to Habs Girls, it was honestly a lot easier to cope with, mentally. So I don’t really think the argument that ‘oh it was okay for her at uni because she had only one subject to concentrate on’ holds much weight, because I did well when I was doing a range of subjects. When I was at school (on paper only haha) I was arguably ‘the ideal Habs Girl’ – sporty, A grades across the board, Oxbridge – and yet I was treated really badly when I needed support and empathy. If I could hack Oxford and flourish in it, but me and several other girls had mental breakdowns/pulled all-nighters in part because of fear over not being ‘good enough…’ then I don’t think the fault really lies with my personality or how I handle things.
I want to give a shout out to the nice teachers who did go there – because there were some. There were some lovely and kind teachers who only wanted to help. They’re not being paid enough! But I’m afraid that several nice teachers do not reverse the really bad atmosphere that pervades the school. Even though I am sure some of the not-so-great teachers might have left, I would be very worried about sending anyone there, because of the ruthless perfectionism. If I have children of my own, then I would much rather prioritise students’ happiness than their grades. Habs Girls, in my opinion, is not worth the money. I am now considering going to counselling because I still have awful memories from that time. Sorry to be blunt, but I wish my parents had been able to see something like this before they'd decided to send me there.
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A Former Habs Girl
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[Opinion] Former Habs Girl - I would not send my kids to Haberdashers' Aske's, Elstree. Here's why.
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formerhabsgirl · 20/08/2019 15:11
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