Year 7 boys - disorganised and irresponsible

[Strix]

DS1 is quite academic and has started a highly selective grammar. But he is soooooo irresponsible, disorganised, and would lose his head if it wasn't attached to his neck.

He is sooooooooooo much work. I'm exhausted. People tell me it's a boy thing. Is it???

Do other people with Year 7 boys find them incapable of organising themselves.

Since September we have lost/broken:
4 iPhones
At least 5 Oyster cards
3 coats
A couple wallets
Several house keys
One complete spots kit (PE and rugby gear included)

DD is 13 and she has never lost a phone, Oyster card, sport kit, etc.

Am I alone?

[Peppapig]

4 iPhones??? Mine would have a cheap brick after 1 lost phone!

It's not just boys btw, my yr 7 dd has lost several school books so far and my yr 10 lost her PE bag but not the kit, no idea how.

[TresDesolee]

Don't want to add to your misery OP but it's not a boy/girl thing. My eldest DS has always been incredibly disorganised and remains so in Y9. My Y7 DS2 could organise an international summit and barely break into a sweat. He was born organised

Not sure what the answer is to the disorganisation other than ceaseless nagging. Although I've noticed that when it comes to things my DS1 really values (phone, expensive coat he got for Xmas) suddenly things don't seem to get lost quite as much, so there's an element of control there

[christmaswreaths]

I also agree that it's not a boy thing. With my children it improved with maturity. I would not be buying another iPhone though and would make him feel some of the pain.

[iMatter]

Depends on the kid I think.

I have a ds aged 12 in almost exactly the same boat (grammar etc) but he hasn't lost anything at all so far (touch wood). He's always been really organised and taken responsibility. Tbh I worry that he's a bit anal about stuff like that and can panic a bit if everything isn't "just so"

His brother who is a year younger is a very different story altogether. I don't think Y7 will go as smoothly for him...

If either of them lost a phone they'd be onto a bog standard cheapie.

[SaucyDough]

4 iPhones?!?! Were they replaced through insurance?

[TheSecondOfHerName]

Boy (now Y12) - was disorganised & forgetful in Y7 and still is now. Regularly loses keys, oyster cards, coats etc.

Boy (now Y10) - never loses anything, was v.organised in Y7.

Boy (now Y8) - rarely loses anything, was mostly organised in Y7.

Girl (now Y8) - rarely loses anything, was a bit disorganised & forgetful in Y7 but has improved a lot.

[Strix]

The first iPhone was new, and a reward for getting into the Grammar. Ferocious competition. A real achievement. Lost it. Next iPhone old and used iPhone 4. It was a rubbish phone and met its demise when Ds and cousin splashed it with water at poolside. Next was iPhone 5s. It was damaged. I thin Ds got mad and smashed it in temper tantrum. I had enough at this point and gave him an Alcatel brick. After five months, I really needed him to have a tool for organisation (i.e. iPhone calendar /reminder functionality). So reluctantly gave him another used5s. Last week I discovered it was damaged but still working. I took it away and he has no phone at all at the moment.

Arrrggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!

[CasparBloomberg]

DS in year 7 and has only misplaced phone once so far, although it did require an hours drive to retrieve it so he repaid my time completing a list of chores I could have done in one hour. Thankfully he hasn't lost it again so I hoped he learned his lesson until we had to retrieve his house key tonight. :(
He has also lost a brand new pair of football boots and every item from his pencil case (and one pencil case) at least twice. His school coat was eventually recovered. Labels seem to make no difference. Would love to know if tough love and not replacing stuff is the answer to get him to take care of things more, but feel we need to make sure he is fully equipped.
Has anyone had any success in helping a child improve?

[tribpot]

No lost phone here. He's not a big user of it anyway but I think he knows he would be in a lot of trouble if he did and certainly wouldn't get a replacement.

Key - it's on a curly lanyard thing attached to his bag.

Coat - he doesn't wear unless it's very cold indeed.

Plenty of Android phones available for far less than an iPhone and which have Calendar/Reminder functionality on. Even a Windows phone can manage that!

[Bythebeach]

Mine also yr 7, grammar and what I would call disorganised has been pretty good so far surprisingly. No lost phones nor clothes. PE bag left on the bus once which entailed retrieval from bus station and one incident where he left school shoes at school sports centre when he had after-school rugby and had to pick them up on way in and one text plea to bring in a maths book he'd forgotten (luckily hadn't yet left house with younger sibs). Not brilliant but I was expecting worse!!

[TresDesolee]

Tbh these days I just buy the cheapest stuff available (trainers from two seasons ago on sale online, Tesco Value stationery) because I know he'll probably lose it.

[roseshippy]

Apple is terrible value for money. Get much more with Android

[SecondsLeft]

Could be normal, if he can't seem to learn organisational skills though, or improve to avoid consequences, it might be worth getting an educational psychology cognitive test. I don't have a ds, my two dd's are quite organised though.

[F1GI]

Hells bells!
That is not a boy thing. I have a similarly aged boy and he looks after stuff carefully.

What you need to do is help him have a system.
Eg if iPhone and oyster are carried in hand, thenthey may easily end up lost. Each item needs its own specific place where it must always reside. Is he in a blazer? iPhone should have own zip pocket. Oyster another exclusive zip or closable pocket. If his clothing doesn't contain zip pockets, you can either add them in yourself or buy clothing that has them.
Each item should have a place and before he leaves anywhere he should think or chant out loud "wallet, keys, oyster, phone" or similar.

[noblegiraffe]

Loads of kids at school have phones with smashed screens that still work, so I don't think it's unusual to damage your phone. Losing the other stuff does sound excessive though. How is it being lost? Is he abandoning his stuff at lunchtime to go and play football and stuff is being stolen/hidden? Or is it in his pockets and falling out when he picks his coat up?

Where does he store his Oyster card/wallet/keys?

[MyWineTime]

He doesn't need to look after his things because you replace everything he loses or breaks.
Plenty of cheap phones that have a calendar function!

[amidawish]

DD1 now in yr8 was a nightmare first term of yr7

school jumper, lost before half term
school PE kit, left at the station (retrieved thankfully)
school coat, lost, turned up a year later
numerous pencil cases etc....
random bits of PE kit, lost
who knows how many scarfs, gloves etc lost.
locker key, lost (she doesn't bother with a locker this year claiming it to be "easier")

never lost her phone or oyster though interestingly.

much better this year.

he could just be overwhelmed with it all.

[amidawish]

luckily DD1's blazer has two inside zip pockets - i think that could be the key why she hasn't lost her wallet, phone & keys. keys are attached to a keyring inside her wallet.

[TresDesolee]

God we lost so many locker keys in Y7. Well, he did. I don't think he ever actually put anything in the locker, he was just a sort of key-distributor.

[Grewsap]

Can't get beyond the 4 phones. I hope you are rewarding your dd with new phones or something similar for looking after hers!

[amidawish]

oh and one shoe left at sports ground. i keep remembering things!

she wasn't the only one though based on the number of emails going around amongst the parents of her class "has anyone got x's skirt?" " x has lost a shoe" and so on.....

[GeorgeTheHamster]

It's not a boy thing.

You have to make him feel the consequences, then he will gradually get better. Mine are 16 and 18 now. The younger is still better than the elder, but they both do ok.

Stop mopping up for him, then he will learn.

[troutsprout]

Are his memory skills just poor?
Ds struggles still with organisation.. and he's 19. He just came like that
Dd is 14 .. she could organise and sequence and plan from a young age..it's also just the way she's put together.
I bet you can guess which child is the most easily stressed though! Ds is so laid back he's horizontal.
If I could take a little from him and give it to her I would ( and vice versa obvs)

[howdoyousortoutboys]

I don't think this is gender specific. The key is to help with reminders on walls, provide everything they need etc but to let them suffer the consequences of their forgetfulness/thoughtlessness. DS1 broke his iphone 5 after flipping it stupidly, he now has to make do with a cheap Chinese android. They learn quickly (so did I).

[mintthins]

DD3 had very similar problems in Y7. She's now Y8, and though she has occasional issues it has calmed down massively. I think she was just overwhelmed by the shift to a fairly full on relatively large school.