Hi,
I'm a namechanger, because my MN nickname makes it obvious who I am in RL (sorry)
I haven't shared this with anyone before, and it's taken a long time to pluck up the courage to post this.
Me and DP have been together 8 years. We have 2 DC, 2yrs and a newborn. We split up a few years ago (my instigation) but got back together and decided to have DC.
He is my second long term relationship; prior to that I was engaged to someone I still consider to be the love of my life (very ashamed to write that!) but we seperated (my reluctant decision) because he was on the brink of a career which would take him all round the world whereas I wanted to settle down.
DP is a lovely, kind, gentle guy. Helpful around the house, hates conflict, puts up with alot from me. Wants me to be happy. However, he is a very quiet soul and is a really poor communicator. He is very introverted (opposite to me), and is not a deep thinker. He also has the tendancy to get very depressed and stressed (not clinically depressed, but generally he is not a cheerful person, swears alot when things go wrong and is very miserable).
We were always very different, but at the time we had a shared interest and I found him quirky and unusual. Now 8 years on I find myself with someone I feel I don't connect with on any level, really. Don't share the same sense of humour, the same drive, we don't talk or communicate (well I talk at him!) We share the same house but he feels more like a housemate than a lover/life partner.
I question our relationship all the time (daily) and tend to break down infront of him on average twice a week. Usually caused by a lack of communication about something trivial, but because I have such doubts about our relationship these issues are never far from the surface. I talk about leaving, how unhappy I think we are, blame myself constantly (because I don't think it's his fault - we are just two very different people, and I knew this when we got back together). He struggles with my outbursts, tells me everything's fine, that he doesn't know what to do, and if I want to move (we're living at the opposite end of the country to my home) then that's fine. Basically I am the only one really conscious or concerned about our lack of connection - he doesn't really understand what all the fuss is about and just wants me to be happy.
There's lots more to it than that (isn't there always!) but those are the big issues. I guess my question is, should I try harder to be content with what I've got (this is what I feel I should do, but for some reason I've not been able to). I compare us to other people's relationships constantly, and can't help but wonder what it would be like to look at my partner and feel in my heart that we were made for eachother and would be together forever.
Really struggling for some perspective.
Thanks for reading if you've got this far.
xx
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Need opinions on my relationship please, I'm in a rut I can't get out of
WhatsupDoc · 15/07/2008 22:26
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