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Am I being paranoid or should I be worried?

96 replies

floops · 05/03/2008 21:38

I need your opinion on a situation that I feel is developing but may be totally wrong and misjudging unreasonably.
My husband works in an environment where a lot of affairs seem to have evolved amongst staff. Some of which have led to marriage break ups others are still ongoing and have been for many years despite both parties having spouses and children. My husband appointed a new assistant 1 1/2 years ago. They obviously work closely together. From time to time the whole team goes abroad on conferences together. Last October they all returned from one such trip. Since then I have found my husband blowing his assistant's trumpet to many of our friends who are in the same field as he is. Saying how good she is at her work, the extra courses she has taken how she needs to develop further etc. Until one day I finally gave him a look across the room when I realised he was at it again and thought hang on a minute you are surely not talking about her again. On his return from the october trip he wanted to partake in a certain sexual activity that he has not ever really liked or wanted to do before. I know there may not be any connection. At xmas he asked her what she wanted for a present. She said she did not mind. He told her to put a list together and she did. It was quite a long list of personal items such as perfume, face products, make up etc. None of which are cheap. I felt a bit funny about this because if one of my bosses said make a list I certainly would not be putting items that cost £80 on it. But maybe that is just me. Anyway he bought her the whole list and had it all gift wrapped at John Lewis. He told me he had bought the whole list but I had not seen the list at this point. It totalled £239 he later told me that he could not get everything on the list. So it would have cost more. He does not know that I know how much he spent but he does know I saw the list after xmas. I must add that my husband is a lovely bloke who is both generous and kind and generally looks after everyone and takes them under his wing etc. He spent the same amount of money on another assistant but she put it towards her scooter she was buying. This did not perturb me at all. On xmas morning I was given a box of perfume that I don't really wear anymore. I used to wear it as few years ago. He did say that he wasn't going to get me anything but just as he was leaving John Lewis saw this perfume and got it for me. It cost £60. I should add that we have a good marriage, just had child no. 4 last may and have a good sex life.

Since xmas this assistant texts him even at weekends about personal stuff. She is currently divorcing her husband and out every weekend with her friend looking for a new man. My husband has told me about a few she has sent. I have even checked his phone since. I would never do anything like this so my behaviour has been affected by this worrying. She texted him once when he was working away from home at 11.34pm on a friday night to say she had had a bad night. I was on the phone talking to my husband at that time. He then said I better go and get some sleep we said goodnight. When he came home the next night he said he had not managed to go tos leep until 2am. When I asked why he said because of his cold. I have wondered if he got off the phone from me and phoned her back. This I will never know.

Anyway I personally feel that their relationship is not very professional in terms of they talk a lot together about personal stuff, she texts him about personal stuff. I'm worried that she sees more in it than there is. He knows I think she texts him too much and that I'm worried. He obviously states I never have to worry about anything like that. But I feel that they are almost having an emotional affair without the sex! Does that make sense? Do you think she is being innappropriate? I don't think my husband sees anything inappropriate in their relationship with one another.

Am I being selfish and should just be grateful for having such a loving husband and four lovely children etc?

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ara · 05/03/2008 22:17

just bumping this for you - i would be quite worried about this as it sounds to me like she has your dh in her sites.