Hi everyone
I just wondered your take on this. I have been in my relationship for almost two years. It still feels pretty new. We had some early issues for various reasons. But my main question is how you would feel if a man you didn't live with, often seemed to want to do most things for you?
I don't know if I am just being ungrateful/paranoid and he is being helpful and nice, more so than I am used to, as he is a very different guy to guys I used to date, or if in some way he is making me overly reliant on him. I can't believe he would intentionally be doing this, however.
Examples are I used to have a hobby and a different job and he was often insistent on giving me lifts there and back. I appreciated this sometimes but also felt a bit smothered as I am quite independent and like to walk rather than ride/drive to local places anyway. I told him this but he would still always ask and insist on giving me lifts. But if I said no it didn't really turn to arguments. But I just ended up feeling bad when I said no I want to walk etc.
Also whenever I want to do anything at home he wants to do it, though we don't live together. I was going to get somebody to do some decorating at some point (when I feel safe enough after lock down) no, he would "rather" do it than me get this local tradesman in for it. He didn't really push it too much (he pushed it a bit, however) or argue about it, but still. He didn't give a reason why. I was going to put up some other things in the house, no, he would rather do it and get involved with the sourcing and everything else.
I don't know, writing this down does make me feel a bit silly, I am just concerned I am somehow becoming overly reliant. Maybe I have a gut feeling but it may be paranoia due to my own history. We see each other too much for my liking (a topic I have broached before but we always end up going back to the same old patterns). Perhaps it is more that I am just more independent than he realises. He is older than me and also seems to often want to take on this protector carer role in the relationship, which I know isn't too healthy, and I do get fed up some times with that and feel a bit condescended to sometimes.
I know a lot of men show love by their actions and like to do things but I don't know why... There is something that I am paranoid about or that irritates me a tiny bit about it.
Am I worrying about nothing and just ungrateful?
I appreciate all advice and responses! May take a while to reply as I have so much to get on with today and tonight! thank you
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Relationships
Caring and helpful...or making me reliant?
peachesandoranges · 29/06/2020 15:51
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