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Husband still going to supermarket every day in lockdown

(97 Posts)
PLaurel19 Sat 09-May-20 10:17:34

My husband isn't stupid... he knows and talks about the virus and how we all need to be on lockdown. He agrees with the idea that we should just do one big shop a week. But he still goes out every day/every other day with an excuse to buy something.
I can't do the food shop because we have a baby. I've tried writing lists for him with enough ingredients for food etc for a week. He still finds a reason to go out.
I never thought that he would act this way in a time like this ... I'm shocked.
Any ideas on how I can talk to him about how serious I find this- without him shutting down?

lettersbyowl Sat 09-May-20 10:19:15

To be honest seeing as the lockdown will start to be lifted progressively from Monday I doubt there's much point in talking to him about it anymore?? You've had what 7 or 8 weeks of this? It's pretty disrespectful to be honest so I think there's bigger issues at play than needing food from the supermarket!!

itsallopticsanyway Sat 09-May-20 10:20:54

He's doing something he doesn't want to do in front of you, I would bet my savings on it.

Secret smoker?

Phone calls he doesn't want you to hear?

I don't think shopping is your issue here, sorry to say.

Tigertrees Sat 09-May-20 10:21:11

Tell him the next time he goes out, he can't come back?
Obviously you can't do this but I would be so annoyed. How is a daily shopping trip an essential journey? He probably likes the outing - it's more important to him than you and your baby so he can go and live in the bloody supermarket.

TwentyViginti Sat 09-May-20 10:23:01

He'll go out whatever you say. You've said yourself he understands and agrees with lockdown, but still finds reasons to go out frequently.. How long is he out for on these shopping trips?

Pipandmum Sat 09-May-20 10:23:44

It's nothing to do with shopping but his need to get out. Do you go for walks together? Or encourage him to go for a walk on his own (rather than visit a shop). Or even a drive to a spot to sit and look at the view if he needs some 'me' time (is that allowed?)
Let him know you are happy for him to get out and about without having to the use the excuse of going to a shop - and you too can do the same, leave the baby at home with him for a bit.

Aminuts23 Sat 09-May-20 10:25:09

I agree with PP. He’s doing something outside of the house he can’t do at home in front of you. I used to smoke years ago. When I used to stay with my parents (who didn’t know) this was exactly what I’d do.

PLaurel19 Sat 09-May-20 10:25:28

I know that he deffo going to the supermarket because we have the tracking apps on our phones

madcatladyforever Sat 09-May-20 10:25:39

Is there no corner shop he can go to, why does it have to be the supermarket.
He is probably bored but there are lots of other things you can do if you are bored, take up cycling/running, whatever and less risk to the family.
Have you spoken to him about alternatives.
Most men don't like being told what to do and will just do it more.

KingJarvis Sat 09-May-20 10:26:09

I go nearly every day and I get an online shop

Littleshortcake Sat 09-May-20 10:29:33

I dont think it's anything sinister but he can't stay in the house. He is bored of it. I would love to go to the supermarket everyday (I don't of course) but I understand why he does. With a new baby I would be fuming because he should be protecting them and you.

Chamomileteaplease Sat 09-May-20 10:31:35

Have you had a proper conversation about the risks and what you as a family are doing to minimise those risks? Has he forgotten that he has a baby?? Is he not too bright?

Talk again!

baileys6904 Sat 09-May-20 10:33:52

You track him???? He tracks you???

Goigg to the shop is the least of your problems

GreyishDays Sat 09-May-20 10:36:00

If you phone him when he’s on the way there does he answer?

DH and I track each other. It’s handy. I can see when he’s nearly home so I can put dinner on, without having to call. If you’re both happy with that then it’s fine.

PLaurel19 Sat 09-May-20 10:44:46

It's just a phone tracking app to know where he is when he was working- and same back for me- lots of people do it! Nothing creepy about it just for ease so not texting on the motor way 'im almost home' etc

NeighbourPooNameChange Sat 09-May-20 10:48:18

How long is he gone usually OP?

mrsbyers Sat 09-May-20 10:48:39

He might just want some time away from you for half an hour to some sort of normality , i wouldn’t make a big deal of it personally unless he is getting you into debt

Pokske Sat 09-May-20 10:49:04

Don't read anything into this. Many of my female friends have OHs that behave in the same way. I'm single now but my last BF also went to the supermarket every day. Men are like children with disposable income, they see the supermarket as a giant toyshop where they can get loose.

NeighbourPooNameChange Sat 09-May-20 10:49:07

I also used to do the same in order to have a sneaky fag.

GabsAlot Sat 09-May-20 10:58:10

can u smell his clothes-smoke or anything like that

or does he do it just to get out-i dont know why people are still going on about monday the most we'll get is more exercise i reckon not more shopping

Spied Sat 09-May-20 11:09:07

I think is very likely he just needs to get out of the house.
I suffer from anxiety and I've found shopping and having something/anything to do distracts me and really calms me.
Feeling I'm stuck in has me spiralling.
Having something to do gives me purpose.

VioletCharlotte Sat 09-May-20 11:11:15

My DS (20 and 18) both do this. We live very close to a supermarket and they pop up there most days for snacks, drinks, etc. It stressed me out at first, but having read the thread about people who have to go out to work being less anxious than those of us who are wfh, I think those of us who can, and have no health issues, need to start getting used to going out again (obviously social distancing, hand washing, etc). The longer I'm at home, the more anxious I'm becoming, but the reality is that the virus isn't going away and we have to learn to live with it.

KaptenKrusty Sat 09-May-20 11:11:23

I know that he deffo going to the supermarket because we have the tracking apps on our phones

Omg that’s really weird!

I go the shop most days - am only ever in there for like a few mins - never queue or go at busy times

I feel like going in for a big shop for a long time is probably worse or just as risky than going daily for shorter time and when it’s quiet

PicsInRed Sat 09-May-20 11:27:23

Sorry OP, by I had the same thought as itsallopticsanyway.

My money's on phone calls. The tracking app really just helps him by giving him a false alibi ("he's at the supermarket" is actually "the car is parked at the supermarket").

He's either making phone calls, meeting someone in or near the supermarket, or both.

Does he also go for regualr walks by himself - walks he simply can't miss? Long showers or toilet with his phone?

It's not definitive, but it's distinct opportunity and I would have a think about any other concerning behaviour (cash withdrawals, more regualr business trips, changes in personal hygiene, grooming, fitness, and also and mentions of someone in the office who he then stopped talking about).

KaptenKrusty Sat 09-May-20 11:30:21

😂😂😂 paranoid much @PicsInRed

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