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Dh wants it changed now

(101 Posts)
Bubblegumpink Fri 14-Feb-20 11:32:50

Through the pregnancy I asked for us to go through names. Dh was not interested. I made sure that any name I suggested was appropriate with his culture and religion. I am not that religious but I knew it was important to him (his religion kicked up a few notches after pregnancy. Was not religious like this to me prior. He was not interested in having any name ideas. I said some names I liked and what was his opinion but I didn't get much response. I thought that's ok we will just leave the names. I just thought in that time I could be making a start at the zillion names out there but it was no biggy we can wait. The birth came and he was the first to phone my family and friends to say the news and he referred to baby with a name.
It was a name that he knew I had said and loved. I thought baby would be going home without a name.
"It is a ....... and the name is.........". He said over phone.
He came over kissed me and said that was babys name. I was so grateful as it was a name that I had mentioned and loved. Memories were created with videos etc referring to baby by that name. Congratulation cards and new baby cards from family and friends came in and i put up in house. A week had gone by and dh says out the blue looking at the cards "you will have to tell all these people that is not the baby's name anymore". I couldn't understand why and what was wrong with it to make him change his mind. He said nothing but that he wanted name changed now but had no names to give me. He said. He will think about it and he will let me know. He then held baby and refered to her as baby, not like what he had done previously in our little home videos so it was final that that was not the child's name. He said he will give me a choice of 5 names and I can pick from them.

Do I just go along with it to keep the peace?

ZigZagIntoTheBlue Fri 14-Feb-20 11:36:17

Wtf? Ive never heard anything so bizarre! Why is he unilaterally deciding everything? Tell him his choice can be the middle name, first name is set 🤷‍♀️

Forgottenturtle Fri 14-Feb-20 11:38:15

Well he sounds charming. Surely naming your child is something you discuss and decide upon together. Why on earth does he think he has the right to simply announce the child's name without discussing and agreeing it with you (regardless of whether it is a name you suggested). Does he normally behave in such an unpleasant controlling way? As for giving you a choice of 5 names I would say absolutely not. The baby already has a name.

Krazynights34 Fri 14-Feb-20 11:39:34

This is exceptionally controlling and very odd.
Do you constantly have to defer to his views and choice in things?
Are you afraid to ask him why he is doing this?

Qwerty543 Fri 14-Feb-20 11:40:20

No you don't go along with this bullshit. He sounds controlling. Funny how his religiousness ramped up once you were pregnant with his child....this will get much worse.

Nuttyfellalovesnutella Fri 14-Feb-20 11:40:55

Is it your baby as well? Then I’d say you have the final choice since you gave birth to it. It sounds like he has too much control in this. You will need to stand up to him.

Just be careful on the religious front too. If you aren’t as religious then this can lead to flash points.

I would actually be reconsidering relationship rules here because it sounds like the beginnings of an abusive relationship (if it isn’t already)

Bartlet Fri 14-Feb-20 11:43:44

Alarm bells rang when you said he became more religious when you were pregnant - assume he’s Muslim and has stopped hiding his western ways. Is he controlling in other ways?

dontgobaconmyheart Fri 14-Feb-20 11:44:00

Is he mentally well OP? He sounds like a lunatic and hard work. Is this always the dynamic? That you simply exist to obey orders when he produces them and his whims are law but your feelings are irrelevant.

I would be telling him that that isn't happening. The baby has been named and if he wants to go off and waste his time thinkinf of 5 alternative names so be it. Has he even produced a legitimate reason why you would change the name when you are happy with it and have shares it with family/friends? Or is it just about exercising a bit more pathetic control, because he can?

WannaBeMonica Fri 14-Feb-20 11:44:25

What would happen if you said no, you're sticking with the name baby has now? What if you don't like any of his 5 options?

DivaRainbow Fri 14-Feb-20 11:45:06

Shes your baby as much as his. Put your foot down and say your not changing the name. His behaviour sounds very controlling

stayingontherail Fri 14-Feb-20 11:46:36

This is just weird.

If this isn’t typical behaviour from him then just tell him no, the baby’s name is ... Which is the name he already chose and announced to others without consulting you, which was bad enough, and he’s not changing it now.

Why would you go along with it to keep the peace? Would being straight with him and standing your ground cause an issue?

SandyY2K Fri 14-Feb-20 11:47:55

Go and register the birth with the original name. He can call her what he wants, but I'm not sure I could remain with a man who behaved like this.

KatnissK Fri 14-Feb-20 11:48:06

Just say "nope! Too late now! That's her name!" and don't entertain any further nonsense. He can pick her middle name if that would make him happy. He does sound odd though, I hope he is just having a funny five minutes and isn't usually this unhinged.

74NewStreet Fri 14-Feb-20 11:49:30

He sounds completely unhinged.

Trahira Fri 14-Feb-20 11:50:45

OP I find your post worrying. Your husband sounds controlling and it sounds like you find it difficult to stand up to him. Of course you don't have to agree with whatever name he chooses just to keep the peace! It needs to be a joint decision.

Musti Fri 14-Feb-20 11:50:51

You both have to love the name in my opinion. Some people regret their choice as it doesn't suit them, but it should be a joint decision

Disfordarkchocolate Fri 14-Feb-20 11:52:12

Too late would be my reply.

Lipz Fri 14-Feb-20 11:52:33

Eh that's all kinds of fucked up !! Who even does this ? I'd be telling him that's the baby's name, you are happy with it and you are not changing it at this point. Jesus just plain weird altogether

Iminaglasscaseofemotion Fri 14-Feb-20 11:54:36

I can imagine this isn't the first controlling behaviour he has displayed. This is him showing you that he also has all the control over your daughter, you will only get a say in anything if he allows it

Okbutno Fri 14-Feb-20 11:56:05

He sounds very controlling. What is he like in other areas of your life?

10FrozenFingers Fri 14-Feb-20 11:56:24

Put your foot down and tell him no.

Mintjulia Fri 14-Feb-20 11:56:44

Go and register the name now. Tell him that you don’t agree, that the baby already has a name as far as you are concerned,

I’d be really worried tbh, this is how abuse starts. You have to stand your ground now.

PepePig Fri 14-Feb-20 12:01:21

He sounds vile.

wildcherries Fri 14-Feb-20 12:01:53

He will give you a list to choose from? WTF is this? Tell him no. Baby has a name. I agree with PP. Your post is worrying. He sounds controlling.

Moltenpink Fri 14-Feb-20 12:05:53

Think carefully before putting this man on the birth certificate.

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