Tensions with my dad reached fever pitch and I lost my temper with him yesterday on his birthday.
I've been going through a hard time at work and in life and he text me on Friday saying hope you remembered to get me a birthday card ( I forgot once one year 4 years ago )
Yesterday morning I went to get him one after I dropped DD at school. At 1pm I had passive aggressive text saying you haven't sent me a text or posted my birthday card yet.
So I felt really miffed as the day isn't over at 1pm said I would drop it off and come over after I picked DD up.
I gave the card to my dad and he opened it the look on his face because there was no money or giftcard inside (I'm skint and dad earns more than 50k)
DD went to the loo and Dad just started to let rip at me.
So I let rip back ,
There's a past of abuse in my family , it's very dysfunctional and if I question my dad he accuses me of being mad like my mother (they divorced mum has mental illness so I stayed with him until I moved out when I was 17 when his bullying became too much I remind him the most of my mother out of the three of us ) my brother is my dad's favourite and grandson he doesn't even try to hide it, he sees DD a few times a year and has babysat her twice in 7 years after
this row my dad told me to get out and my DD burst into tears.
I feel bad about arguing with my dad on his birthday. I'm now frightened my dad is going to tell my siblings he will twist it and make out I'm mad and just like my mother.
I'm feeling very sad today, I'm not sure how to heal the resentment I feel towards him and the rift.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Major fallout with dad over a birthday card
lilly0102 · 28/01/2020 06:52
Read up on FOG. It sounds to me like you have been in an abusive or toxic relationship with your dad most of your like and your feelings today show that you are still emotionally tied to him - you feel bad when he's treated you poorly. If my parent treated me the way your father did I'd be astounded because it's not normal. You aren't because it is normal and, even worse, you blame yourself and worry.
Read up on toxic parents and adult relationships with toxic parents, see if any if it resonates with you. 
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
If this was my parents and they knew I was skint and struggling (which I’m assuming OPs dad does) then they would tell me off for even buying a card and to save my money. It’s pathetic that grown ups act like spoilt teenagers on their birthday about presents. I’d rather see someone and spend time with them than get a token tat gift from Poundland (which I’m sure wouldn’t have been good enough either) or get a “decent” gift from someone who is struggling as it puts them in more financial worry.
Personally I would have at least text by 1pm but when you’re working sometimes you don’t have time and if you had planned to go over and see him why exactly did he think you had forgotten about him?
He argued really that I didn't make a big fuss of his birthday.
Pathetic man child. Does he show other narcissistic traits? I suspect there is a long history of this, especially the gaslighting about your mother and your own mental health.
I’d go NC with him (and your brothers if they’re as bad), as he is obviously a cause of trauma in your life. Have you had any counselling long term for this? Just because he is family doesn’t mean you have to put up with the emotional abuse he is putting you from OP.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.