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Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

(1000 Posts)
DaffoDeffo Wed 15-May-19 19:52:47

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

supercali77 Thu 23-May-19 09:31:12

@lifegoes yeah, that's the tricky part, knowing they're no good but feeling like you need something - I think it's just that intimacy/closeness/physical touch a lot of the time. I am pretty wretched today too...we'll get through it. Keep the faith. Listen to some Lizzo!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmbmeOgWsqE

supercali77 Thu 23-May-19 09:32:12

@Sunshineandflipflops A girls night out is the tonic we all need!

Marlboroandmalbec34 Thu 23-May-19 09:33:59

Oh lifegoes you are always so lovely and supportive here flowers we are all here for you and hope talking helps. Shame we don’t all live nearby we could start a Dating Woes with wine club

lifegoes Thu 23-May-19 09:34:41

@Sunshineandflipflops we should, I think we are all over the country though. But still would be hilarious.

You are both right @supercali77 it's the connection you miss. Just that something that puts a smile on your face, the butterflies and excitement etc.

Love that song. We will get through this, I think I'm hormonal which isn't helping at all.

lifegoes Thu 23-May-19 09:35:32

@Marlboroandmalbec34 😘 thank you.

I like the wine part 😂😂

supercali77 Thu 23-May-19 09:37:48

@lifegoes i hear ya! Last days on the rag. The joys. Fortunately, all his fuckwittery and being loaded at work means i've not been eating properly and lost enough weight to fit into an old pair of jeans. Silver linings, keep looking you'll find them lovely. The right man is out there. You've learned your boundaries.....well & truly earned your stripes, what you'll accept, you'll know him when you see him x

CocoKoko123 Thu 23-May-19 09:44:28

I'd be up for a dating thread night out!

I'm not particularly heartbroken,not at all tears - been here so many times. More a sense of frustration at how unfair it all seems and that I've had my time wasted yet again.

StealthNinjaMum Thu 23-May-19 09:47:12

I understand lifegoes I found the Easter bank holiday hard as there were happy couples everywhere. I think we have ups and downs and I'm hoping a virtual hug from me will help lift you a bit. You are a lovely person - just like all of us on this thread - and it will get better.

NestOfSwipers Thu 23-May-19 10:02:21

None of my friends even knows any single men. Even the singles Facebook group I joined has virtually folded as people get coupled up...

I'm with lifegoes. I would just like someone to care and that I can be spontaneous with. Every single thing I do is hard work. I'm off to my counsellor soon. I can see bad behaviour now. I can see who's worth knowing and who isn't. Not just in dating. But if I'm not even getting as far as having dates, I almost feel what's the point of making myself the best version I can be. Our childhoods have a lot to answer for. I'm 53 now, I want to experience unconditional love. I want to enjoy myself. I feel like I'm getting more and more miserable while I "wait" for that love to happen. My life is pretty full, mostly, but it's hard work...

LilyRose88 Thu 23-May-19 10:04:37

Lifegoes I'd definitely be up for a dating thread night out. I totally empathise with the whole 'feeling low' vibe that it going around at the moment. I am an independent woman with a good job, two grown up kids, a lovely house and yet I still struggle to find someone to treat me well. I seem to attract losers and idiots! I know that says something about me and I have been actively dating guys who I would not normally look at, and picking up red flags earlier than I would usually have done, mainly thanks to the support on this thread.

I am seeing the guy I met last weekend for a date this weekend, and we have been texting regularly all week. I don't know why I haven't given him a name yet, but for some reason I just can't think of one. He is a sweetheart, but totally not my normal type. Nice enough looking but quite overweight and not a smooth talker, but witty and intelligent. He lives a fair distance away but luckily enough no country lanes are involved and we could reach each other by train, although we both have cars. There are a number of boxes that he does not tick, but they are not red flags, they are just 'rules' that I have invented (e.g. he rents a place, rather than owns it, and he has a dog). I have no idea whether it will work out between us but I have decided to give it a go and see what happens.

I have been trying to put myself into a more positive mindset, by going to exhibitions and events on my own, and not worrying so much about being single, but it is hard work. I think it has paid off, but I do have to keep reminding myself to do it, or I tend to slip back into a more negative mindset.

vwman Thu 23-May-19 10:07:49

I feel the opposite way around, and will be going out on Bank Holiday to mingle. I am lucky enough (or rather it is a choice) to live in a major tourist town a minute from the beach, it makes me happy to see other people happy and smiling. Coming off the apps, (for a while anyway) has helped my mood greatly, they can be demoralising.

lifegoes you know what I have previously said to you

I met someone IRL recently, but it is only in a professional capacity. She is gorgeous, I plonked myself next to her at a business breakfast on Tuesday so that I could talk to her. It would be totally inappropriate for me to hit on her as I am sure she is just being friendly wanting to develop a professional relationship and nothing more and I have no idea if she is in a LTR, no ring though.

Notcoolmum Thu 23-May-19 10:51:47

Yes dating thread night out!! I'm in!! I'd love to put faces to the usernames. And not be all mixed up over which iron is whose etc!!

We all sound bloody marvellous quite frankly. I don't know what these idiot men (no offence to the nice men on the thread) are playing at!

Sunshineandflipflops Thu 23-May-19 10:56:51

@Notcoolmum Hear hear!

I'm feeling sorry for myself today and even though I couldn't give a rats arse about him, the guy I sent a photo to (as requested) not responding has hit the final nail in the coffin of self esteem this morning!

supercali77 Thu 23-May-19 11:04:32

@Sunshineandflipflops you're lovely and wonderful, delete that person. Don't spend a single second longer on it

LilyRose88 Thu 23-May-19 11:04:48

Sunshine maybe he really wanted you to send a rude photo of yourself? There is probably a hidden set of code words amongst those in the know and he used those to request the photo grin.

I am usually blissfully unaware of these things and have drifted through life with an aura of naivety around me. I am that person whose boss was having a torrid affair with someone who I line managed (and she sat next to me) and I never noticed. This was many years ago, just in case someone has worked out who I am irl and it desperately trying to figure out who is shagging who in my workplace grin.

Sunshineandflipflops Thu 23-May-19 11:08:55

@LilyRose88 That thought had crossed my mind too, although when I told him what I was looking for (respect, relationship, etc) he said he agreed with me. I know men are lying shits though (in my personal experience) so it's difficult not to doubt anything a guy ever says to me again!

Sunshineandflipflops Thu 23-May-19 11:09:30

@supercali77 Thank you blush

LilyRose88 Thu 23-May-19 11:17:08

@Sunshineandflipflops a guy did something similar to me, which is why I mentioned my suspicion that your guy was actually after a different sort of selfie. And he also told me he was looking for a 1-2-1 relationship and not anything casual (which is what I had told him I was looking for). Maybe it is the same guy pathetically trying to get rude pics off women on the internet. I can't remember much about him now or I would compare notes with you.

vwman Thu 23-May-19 11:17:58

I know it can be difficult to trust men sometimes, but some do have decent intentions and are genuinely caring

StealthNinjaMum Thu 23-May-19 11:31:47

Omg it didn't cross my mind a guy would want a nude photo! <naive>

Would any women send any to a stranger? I wouldn't even send one to my husband and I am definitely not a prude.

LilyRose88 Thu 23-May-19 11:33:04

I have never sent a rude pic of me to anyone, even when in a relationship. I think lots of people do though - maybe it is an age thing as I am over 50.

Notcoolmum Thu 23-May-19 11:37:47

I have taken them. And then I'm so disgusted by what I see I delete them!! They don't get sent 😂😂

Sunshineandflipflops Thu 23-May-19 11:43:20

Ok, so I have sent the odd sexy pic but only to someone I know and only top half!

supercali77 Thu 23-May-19 11:47:13

Me too - top half (no face) - arty shot hahaha

CassettesAreCool Thu 23-May-19 11:50:34

I’m with notcool on that - ‘sexy’ pics of me make me feel sick, a total passion killer for me so wouldn’t dream of sending one. Dick pics, from someone I know, just make me laugh. Unsolicited though, I want to rip their throats out - it’s a bloody assault. Like women being airdropped dick pics on the tube, knowing the dirty fucker who sent them is nearby but not knowing who it is 😡🤢😡🤢😡

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