I have always struggled to understand why I felt the way I did, becoming a young adult, right up until my late 30's. I have done alot of soul searching and realise that the reason was, being raised (step dad) by a narcissist has given rise to a belief throughout my life that I am just not “good enough”!
I have mental scars of my emotional abuse and emotionally absent parents. I thought I had self healed but obviously not.
I no longer have contact with my step dad. My mum has always been very self absorbed and allowed this emotional abuse to continue (maybe without knowing it would have consequences on my mental health later on in life) as he gave her everything she needed (big house, luxury holidays, a job within his company, money) to be happy.
I could go on to tell you about the emotional abuse (quite disturbing) but understand this post is long already.....
I'm still in contact with my parents (mum left step dad a couple of years ago and although both parents mum and real dad have deep regrets for decisions they made as parents, they're both still inconsistent and self absorbed)
It's like I have this inner broken child that can't forgive. The more I see them and although the past is in the past, they still do and say things that make me feel unimportant, uncared for. How can I forgive my parents (especially my mum) so I can let go and move on and accept this is them?
Like I said, I thought I had moved on but it seems the older I become and the older my dc's become the worse it feels.
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How can I forgive my parents (especially my mum) so I can let go and move on. Life is too short!
cupcakesmakeyouhappy · 02/10/2017 19:41
Oh op. I'm so sorry.
Is there a way for you to stop seeing them. In my experience it really does not get better until you take, at least, a VERY long break from the person, so that you can heal and almost recreate yourself without them in your life (if that makes sense??).
And then in several years' time, if you want to, you can try to see them again. Or not, you can change your mind too.
In my experience as long as you're letting them in, you're basically keeping the wound raw because they keep ripping it open 
It takes time and space to heal. I don't think forgiveness is actually a 'thing'... I think healing has to occur, and only then, do you feel a sense of forgiveness. I don't believe that you can forgive first in order to then move onto healing iyswim. I think people are wrong when they suggest that's how it works tbh.
One thing that can help healing is to discipline yourself not to dwell on thoughts of revenge. Sure that's a good idea. But to try to force yourself not to feel pain when someone has hurt you? Not sure that's possible and even if it were, not sure it's a good idea x
I withdrew contact gradually. There was no big 'I'm going NC with you' announcement. I stopped involving my mother in my everyday life. No catching up visits or phone calls. If I bump into her I chat, she occasionally calls me. Now her lack of interest in me doesn't upset me anymore. I've stopped trying for the type of relationship I wanted and rejected the real relationship we have. Truly liberating. Try the Stately Homes thread. Lots of advice and support there. 
I agree with whoever said withdraw contact gradually. My DF told me when his DM died he was no sadder than he'd be at any old lady that he lived near dying.
It might to get more(?) counselling/therapy and allow yourself to grieve for the past you, who should have been loved and cherished and protected and supported, and the present you, who should still feel loved and supported by your DPs, and for your children, who will never have the ideal GPs.
At the same time, you need to stop being hurt by your DPs not being anything like they should, because they aren't. You can only change your reaction.
The point of that was that there is some freedom to be had. Perhaps start by not inviting them for Christmas? I do know how hard it is
cupcakes - I found Jeanne Safer's book 'Forgiving and Not Forgiving' very helpful.
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