My children hate my girlfriend - what should I do?

[GNGR]

Help please. I don't know what to do.

My 3 children do not like my girlfriend. We have had a disastrous holiday together (they only spoke to say hello and complained to me about each other).

Brief facts

My Children are aged 14 (daughter) 12 and 10 (sons)

My Girlfriend is not English and is not "motherly". She thinks that children should do as they are told and should be seen but not heard. Her views on many topics are 'traditional' (racist/ homophobic) but not uncommon in Eastern Europe where she and I live (I live there because of work and met her there).

My daughter is very proud to be a campaigning equal rights feminist, she is certain in a way that only 14 year olds can be and she has strong views on almost everything (I should add that I share most of her views too)

My Children live with their mother during the week and with me at the weekend (I fly home each week). I have been divorced for 3 years.

Question is: should I continue dating someone that my children really don't like and who holds views that I cannot support?

[Underthemoonlight]

I think you already know the answer to your question

[ImperialBlether]

Of course you shouldn't! She sounds horrible!

[stormytherabbit]

Dump the racist homophobe- being an Eastern European doesn't make being like that ok.

[rabaria]

Why are you asking us if you should date someone who holds views you can't support? Don't you know yourself if you want to do that?

[Whataboutmeee]

No and no

[Rainybo]

Do you actually like your racist homophobic girlfriend who doesn't like children and can't even be bothered to at least make an effort to get on with your children?

[lunar1]

Dump the racist, and be glad you have raised children that don't like her!

[Mulch]

Merging a family is never smooth sailing, but I'd struggle to be with someone racist/sexist ect.

[NewBrian]

Your children sound like good kids. Get rid.

[Timefortea99]

She sounds a delight. I can't imagine why your kids don't like her.

[JaneEyre70]

If your children don't like her, whose feelings are more important to you - theirs or yours? If she's a permanent fixture in your life, bear in mind that they may choose not to have you in theirs. Is that a price worth paying?

[Starlight2345]

Sounds like your children have far better morals and values than your g.freind

[ALaughAMinute]

Your children hate her for a reason. Get rid!

[TeaCake5]

Are you middle class?

[MaisyPops]

Merging a family is often challenging especially with older children.

In your case I think your world views are also so different that it will put pressure on your relationship. You and your children are clearly tolerant, progressive and liberal and your girlfriend has offensive and backwards views.

Say you and your girlfriend had kids, would you be happy with her teaching thrm racist and homophobic beliefs because 'thats what we think in my country'?

It cant work. Your kids see it. Listen to them.

[Rubyrose26]

Nope! That must feel really awkward for everyone.

[eyebrowsonfleek]

Are you my ex? His gf is a different nationality but my kids feel the same about her. Do you really have to ask if you shouldn't date someone who's incompatible with your kids and values? 😂

[BitchQueen90]

I'm not usually one to immediately say "dump her" as teenagers can be difficult (I say this because I was one, my stepdad came into my life when I was 14 and I did not like him at first for the sole reason that I just didn't want things to change at home).

But really. Why on earth would you want to be with a woman who is not motherly and wants your DC to be seen but not heard? Also why would you want to be with a woman who is racist and homophobic? She sounds abhorrent to be honest.

[RidingWindhorses]

Hell no. Why would you date someone unmotherly when you have young kids?

[RidingWindhorses]

I'm assuming she must be good in bed.

[Garliccalamari]

Your family is already there, your girlfriend is the new one who should adapt. Instead you are posting about her parenting views.

1. You decide how your children will be parented, not her.
2. She has views that none of you support, she will have to adapt to that fact.
3. It sounds so sad that she is not motherly when you have three children.

To be honest, either live seperately till the kids are grown and don't put tgem together or if you can live without her then break up. I don't think that it will work between all of you. Your kids will be miserable around her, she will be miserBle around them. Your kids will end up resenting you if you let her parent when she is so different. She will resent you if you won't let her parent how she likes.

[LoyaltyAndLobster]

No

[Out2pasture]

Teenagers often have strong opinions that are not always based on economic reality.
No guarantee they will like the next few ladies in your life until they are in their 20's and more mature.

[AnyFucker]

Say what ?

[BackieJerkhart]

Why would anyone want to be with a racist homophobe? do you have very low self esteem OP?