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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Told exes new gf that his son is here

88 replies

summerfling · 14/04/2017 17:48

Admittedly I did it out of anger.

Angry because he's trying to hide the fact he has a child from his gf so as not to ruin his relationship with her even though he didn't meet her until well after I fell pregnant.

Of course, if there's a fall out, I won't know. She's hardly going to reply to me!

I also did it because he's changed his fucking number! Shows he's trying to get away from his responsibilities & it's not happening!

I'd like to think she'd be decent enough not to stand for the fact her bf has disowned his son but I won't bank on it.

OP posts:

Report

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 14/04/2017 17:54

His gf has nothing too do with, your anger is totally misdirected.
And you've probably lived up to everything he has said about you too her through sending that message.

Have you had baby? Or still pregnant?

In an ideal world all men would be amazing dads and step up to the plate but sadly it doesn't happen.

You can't force him to be in the childs life, but legally he has to pay for his child.

SoloDance · 14/04/2017 17:57

Good for you. Why should he get away with pretending he doesn't have a child.

emilybrontescorset · 14/04/2017 17:58

Are you saying your ex left you when you were pregnant, met someone else and hadn't told them that you were pregnant when you split up?

Hmm I'm not sure what you want to achieve, but rest assured his version of events will not match yours.
If he has changed his number then obviously be doesn't want contact with you or is child.
It's not good but under the circumstances i would start to accept the fact that you will Be a single parent.
Of course your ex should pay maintenance, but as for the rest let her have him. He is no prize.

OddBoots · 14/04/2017 18:03

I think someone has a right to know if someone they are dating has a child, it makes a difference to things like finances and (if needed) fertility treatment as well as any personal feelings someone might have about it. It's not ideal that it is done in anger though.

Afreshstartplease · 14/04/2017 18:07

Congrats on your baby op

summerfling · 14/04/2017 18:10

Course it's to do with her, her bf has a secret baby!

OP posts:

summerfling · 14/04/2017 18:12

Hey "Mary"
Just wanted to let you know "Donalds" son is now here, if you'd like to discuss this further, do let me know!

Thanks.

That's what I sent, I personally don't see a problem with it.

OP posts:

Obsidian77 · 14/04/2017 18:14

Sounds fine. Congrats on the baby, are you doing ok?

HardcoreLadyType · 14/04/2017 18:15

I think she has a right to know her boyfriend has a child.

Also, if you can no longer contact him via the phone number you had, then how are you supposed to contact him?

What does it matter what lies he has spun to her? It's up to her to choose what she believes, when presented with conflicting stories.

Congratulations on your little boy.

I hope you have a good support network to make up for your ex's deficiencies.

QuiteLikely5 · 14/04/2017 18:19

Could you not have told his family?

EffinElle · 14/04/2017 18:21

Congratulations on your baby honesty is the best policy!

teenagetantrums · 14/04/2017 18:22

Why would you involve her? This,should be between you and your ex.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 14/04/2017 18:22

You don't have your ex's phone number but you have his GF's?

user1492190246 · 14/04/2017 18:22

I was in the same position and the new gf told him not to bother with our son so he could play daddy to her son from a previous relationship.I hope she has a conscience and makes him step up . Good luck

summerfling · 14/04/2017 18:23

I will answer any questions she has, depending on what he's told her obviously!

I don't have any contact details of his family anymore.

I personally would want to know if my bf had a child he didn't tell me about.

At least if they have kids together, she'll now be able to make an informed decision &! Know that should they split, he'll leave her & the baby!

Thank you, I'm doing really well, so is baby....he certainly has a set of lungs on him!

OP posts:

summerfling · 14/04/2017 18:25

Him & his family have all blocked me on fb. I don't have her number, I messaged on fb.

OP posts:

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 14/04/2017 18:27

How do you know he's a secret baby too her? Ex could have well informed her theres a possibility he has a child/ex is crazy and pinning a baby on me/ waiting on a DNA test.

You don't know what goes on behind close doors. You just came off as being scorned. Which she will think if he gave her one of the above scenarios.

I'm sorry but I'm sure you could easily find away to pass a message on or contact him instead you chose too involve his OH.

summerfling · 14/04/2017 18:27

Why would you involve her? This,should be between you and your ex.

Because if he did want to be involved (which he doesn't) then he'd involve her in our sons life....I simply cut out the middle man & told her myself.

Should he step up, I am more than happy for her to be involved in our sons life too!

OP posts:

summerfling · 14/04/2017 18:30

How do you know he's a secret baby too her? Ex could have well informed her theres a possibility he has a child/ex is crazy and pinning a baby on me/ waiting on a DNA test.

You don't know what goes on behind close doors. You just came off as being scorned. Which she will think if he gave her one of the above scenarios.

I'm sorry but I'm sure you could easily find away to pass a message on or contact him instead you chose too involve his OH.

Regardless, it's planted the seed of doubt!

He's a compulsive liar, she should have found this out by now.

He's more than welcome to say I'm crazy, however the message I've sent her doesn't confirm that really!

I've simply informed her & left it open for her to message back if she'd like

OP posts:

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 14/04/2017 18:31

summer
I think you are letting your imagination run away with you, he hasn't shown an interest in his child, so why would he suddenly want his OH too meet his son?

he has no legal obligation to be apart of his childs life, only legal obligation is supporting him finicially.

Obviously it shows he doesn't have many morals not wanting too be apart of his sons life but you can't force him to!

TheNaze73 · 14/04/2017 18:31

I wouldn't have done what you did. Whatever your reasons, I don't think it's your battle

happypoobum · 14/04/2017 18:31

Are you friends with her on FB? I don't look at any messages from "outside" so there's a good chance she will never see it anyway.

How do you know he hasn't told her?

Instead of contacting her, you need to get the birth registered and then contact CMS for maintenance.

Congratulations

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summerfling · 14/04/2017 18:34

She'll receive a request, I may never know she's read it but she definitely would have.

How do I know he hasn't told her??

Because he told me he wouldn't.

OP posts:

summerfling · 14/04/2017 18:35

Oh & baby is registered & CMS application made

OP posts:

Pinkheart2017 · 14/04/2017 18:36

How do you know he hadn't told Her? It's completely possible she just doesn't care as it's not really her problem is it, I mean it's not her baby.

Even if she doesn't know, ok she might leave him although more than likely won't. Either way he can still not want anything to do with his child and if he wishes to never see the child he never has too, nobody can make him

Personally I'd focus on my baby and contacting the child maintence service to get what he legally has to pay as honestly that's all you can do and at least that helps your child what does telling the gf actually achieve

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