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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

He married me to have PR

95 replies

HannahBanana3 · 02/02/2017 23:22

I am going to make the story as short as possible...

We met for less than half a year when we find out we were pregnant. I was in that stage were you are absolutely in love and think that everything is wonderful when I find out and I believed he felt the same way. At the beginning he told me not to worry, that everything will be okay. Then he started to tell me we have ruined his life and other "bad words" I don´t want to repeat so I told him not to worry, that I could raise him on my own or that we would find a way. But then he said that he wanted us. Some times he makes me feel like he really loves me but some other times I feel like he hates me.

Because of his behavior and the fact that he did not wanted to introduce me to his family, I decided to leave to my home town abroad because I did not wanted to face all that was coming on my own, I was not feeling safe. He made me promise I would marry him, that he wanted us to be a family. I agreed because I love him and we got married before our son was born, but recently I find out that he just married me to have PR. I don´t know if he loves me or not.

He said to me that he no longer cares about me feeling safe and that he would do anything to be with our child (at the moment I still in home town and he is back to his). But I don´t know if a marriage like this (on his side, or at least that is how I feel) would be good for the baby? I don´t know if I am being selfish for wanting to feel safe or expecting to be happy when moving with him? I don´t want to make wrong decisions since its not just my life but our baby´s life as well

OP posts:

Report

ImperialBlether · 02/02/2017 23:29

Safety for you and your child is your priority now.

Are you living near family?

I would get a passport for your baby as soon as possible and store it somewhere safe, eg your parents' home. This will prevent him applying for one. I wouldn't put his name on the passport as next of kin.

HannahBanana3 · 03/02/2017 04:28

Yes, I am with my family actually. What is he already has applied for a passport?

OP posts:

BoomBoomsCousin · 03/02/2017 05:02

If he has already applied for a passport you'll find that out when you apply, and then you know, if he takes them, you need to ask the police to put out a port alert.

I think my children’s father might take them abroad? See this.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 03/02/2017 05:14

May we ask, which other country? Nay well impact in things.

HannahBanana3 · 03/02/2017 05:54

I am from Colombia, he is British. The thing is that here, we need both parents consent (If he is not present or I am not present we need to give written official permission). But I think in UK he just can apply, I´ve read on the website and it seems quite easy.

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Atenco · 03/02/2017 06:14

If you go back to the UK it will be really difficult to take your child back out of the country again and if he does turn out to be abusive it will be twice as hard if you have no family nearby. I don't know exactly how the law is applied in cases like yours in the UK, but there is a woman on mumsnet right now, who moved to the US with her husband and is stuck there now because she cannot take her child out of the country and she doesn't have a green card to be able set up a life for herself and her son there.

VintagePerfumista · 03/02/2017 06:16

Maybe ask MN HQ to move this to legal matters?

He will still need your written permission to take the child out of any country on his own. This is not (yet) "law" in the UK, but it may well be in future- countries like Canada are already very strict on parental consent when travelling with minors.

In some contexts it is unfair, but you can rest assured that men travelling alone with children are studied in airports a lot more closely than women are.

Is he in Colombia now? Does Colombia allow dual nationality?

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/02/2017 06:20

So you think he may be getting or have a British passport for your child. Can you call/email or go to the British embassy and talk to them about it? You have PR so they may be able to tell you if he has. Can you also log her as a potential abduction risk with the authorities?

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/02/2017 06:23

And definitely don't take her out of Columbia. You are better off with people, who love you and your child. If your husband uses her as a weapon to control you, he doesn't care about her feelings and needs.

HannahBanana3 · 03/02/2017 06:25

Atenco: I know, I have read and heard of so many cases... it is kind of scary

Vintage Perfumista: First (sorry but even recently I learned that everyone abbreviates here like with DH, DW, DS... ), what is MN HQ? And he is back in UK, and yes Colombia allow dual nationality.

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SuffolkingGrand · 03/02/2017 06:27

Where was the child born?

Where were you married?

Sorry - both of these affect the answer I could give so need to know in advance....

HannahBanana3 · 03/02/2017 06:30

Mummyoflittledragon: (cute name =))
He actually told me he is applying for baby´s passport. I did call the British Embassy to ask but they told me that I have to contact my government not his. The lady was very rude. The other day (before knowing he married me just to get PR) I called and a lady was actually nice, so I might give another call other day until I find the nice lady.
SuffolkingGrand:
The child was born in Colombia, we got married just by law in Colombia

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BoomBoomsCousin · 03/02/2017 06:32

I think, even though you aren't a British citizen, if your child is, you can apply for a British passport for him. You'd need some of your husband's documents, like birth certificate, but you can apply for these if you need to.

In any case, Columbia and the UK are both parties to the Hague convention. So, I believe, if he did get a British passport and take your child out of the country, you should be able to apply to the courts to have have your child returned.

SuffolkingGrand · 03/02/2017 06:37

Actually, I'm guessing child was born in Columbia otherwise she would have needed a passport to get there.

Have you got a UK passport or just a Colombian one?

I assume you have the birth certificate or whatever papers you get in C when a child is born. Apply for PP in Columbia now with her birth certificate and you as her parent.

Has your husband ever been in Columbia? Was he there at the time of her birth?

He won't be able to apply for PP in UK without a birth certificate and without your PP details as child's mother. It's a more complicated process to apply for a pp if only one if the parents is British and/or the child is resident abroad.

SuffolkingGrand · 03/02/2017 06:47

If he's trying to get a British pp for the child and you do not agree then you must call the British embassy and tell them this. You need to be explicit with them and tell them it is because you fear he will take the child away. Don't wait "for the nice lady": tell them that your British husband is trying to apply for a pp for your child without your permission.

Can you go to s Colombian court and get confirmation of residence (not sure what it would be called) or some kind of order naming you as the sole /main parent of the child?

Just because he has PR doesn't mean he can do what he wants. British courts see the interests and welfare of the child as paramount. So if the child is settled in Columbia with you and your family it's unlikely that he would be allowed to remove her just because he has PR, especially if he's not had contact with her or not been living with her for some time.

In he meantime DO NOT ALLOW HIM OR ANY MEMBER OF HIS FAMILY TO BE ALONE WITH HER AT ALL if he visits as he may have a pp and try and remove her. This applies however nice and friendly they may be.

Also DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY DOCUMENTS like your pp, child's birth certificate etc.

Buena suerte

HannahBanana3 · 03/02/2017 06:49

Boomboomscousin:
I know I can apply, but I did not wanted him to see me as the "bad guy", probably just too stupid from my side. But I think I just might have been blind.

SuffolkingGrand:
I just have a Colombian Passport and yes I have the BC but so does he. He was here at the time of birth. And, he does have a copy of my passport. This whole situation is like to kill myself but someone who loves another person and feels the other person loves back, the last you think is that that person would actually want or is planning to harm you

OP posts:

BoomBoomsCousin · 03/02/2017 06:54

Applying for passports for a child you are primary carer of does not make you a "bad guy" by any reasoning. He doesn't have "dibs" on the British passport. It's your child who needs it and your child is with you, so all the child's passports should be with you. Apply for the passports, for your child's sake.

cansu · 03/02/2017 06:55

You need to apply for a passport yourself. You also need to try and block hom applying for one by writing and phoning uk passport office. You should not let him be alone with the baby. Also do not go to uk with baby.

Phoebefromfriends · 03/02/2017 06:57

So if I understand this you are in Columbia with family and he said he wants the baby? Personally I would be contacting a solicitor for legal advice regarding custody and to start divorce proceedings. I definitely wouldn't be moving to the UK if you feel unsafe, you are not being selfish to want to be safe that shows you are in an abusive relationship. How long have you been married?

SaucyDough · 03/02/2017 07:01

I would suggest contacting the nearest British Embassy and applying for a passport yourself.

MNHQ = Mumsnet Headquarters
If you want this to be moved to Legal Matters where you may get more answers (a lot of people there are solicitors or have experience in the legal field), click the "Report" button next to your original post.

SaucyDough · 03/02/2017 07:05

www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad
He has to have your permission to take your child abroad for more than 4 weeks, otherwise he'll be arrested for child abduction (I think).

HannahBanana3 · 03/02/2017 07:12

BoomBoomsCousin, Cansu: okay =) and thank you

Phoebefromfriends:
I am in Columbia with family and he wants us to move with him but he wants me to apply for my VISA once I am in UK. I also asked him to issue a permission to have a Columbia passport for our child, at least, to feel safe and do things right, but he did not wanted too. He said because it would alter his British Nationality, which I don´t finish to understand.
We have been married for 6 months.

SaucyDough:
I have put it there too =) thank you

OP posts:

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brokenheartdog · 03/02/2017 07:12

Are you in Columbia and he is in the UK now?
My friend was advised to inform the passport agency in the UK and the passport service in her exh country. Not sure how it works but I wonder if they can put an alert on the system?

brokenheartdog · 03/02/2017 07:16

Sorry xposted lots of people while getting the kids out of the door.

Quartz2208 · 03/02/2017 07:19

As long as you stay in Colombia you are fine he can't do very much as it's the country of birth. If you left and came to Britain without a visa you would be in a lot of trouble.

Having another passport does not effect British nationality or citizenship at all that is a lie.

Stay where you are and feel safe

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