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to refuse to spend tomorrow with a silent dp?

(89 Posts)
BeckyAndTina Mon 26-Dec-16 17:21:10

DP has tomorrow off work too, but he's giving me the silent treatment.

We went to a shop this morning and he accidently knocked something over. I made a joking remark "oh dear, he`s knocked something over" and the assistant said "don´t worry, I´ll sort it out". We get out the shop, and he is really angry and says. "Next time we are in a shop and I knock something over, don't go into mummy mode and say something like that, so that the assistant has to defend me against your comment". I apologised and said I hadn´t meant it seriously. He said: "well next time, just keep your mouth shut.". He has been giving me the silent treatment since then. I realise it could have been taken wrongly and was a bit of a silly thing to say, that's why I apologised.

After lunch, dc was a bored, dp wanted to do his hobby and suggested dc go and listen to a story on a CD. DP had given dc this story as a Christmas present, and yesterday and today would suggest dc should listen to it. DC asked me if I wanted to listen to it with him, so I did. We were listening to it, when DP storms in, and is angry that I am listening to it with DC because he wanted to listen to it with him. We stopped listening, and I apologised I said I didn´t know as he had repeatedly suggested dc repeatedly listen to it over yesterday and today. We then had a row, where dp says I should have known that he wanted to hear it with him. How? How is this my fault? Since then there has been more silent treatment.

aibu to feel that if this continues, I don´t want to spend tomorrow with dp? He can take the dc out or whatever.

SouthWindsWesterly Mon 26-Dec-16 17:23:04

fuck that for a bunch of daisies. He's a controlling arse. Do yourself a favour in the new year and dump his stonewalling controlling arse

BumblebeeBum Mon 26-Dec-16 17:23:44

I have had this. Best way to deal with it I've found is 1) deep breath 2) cherry smile for kids 3) go do something fun with the kids or fun for just you and ignore ignore ignore.

The more you pander to it the more attention he gets and the more justified he feels.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Mon 26-Dec-16 17:24:36

Do you do a lot of apologising to this man?

gamerchick Mon 26-Dec-16 17:28:23

Corner him alone and in a low voice with eye contact tell him to fuck off and come back when he's over his tantrum.

Your kids don't deserve to listen to you both row. Then don't engage with him and certainly don't spend tomorrow with him.

Don't pander.

RubyWinterstorm Mon 26-Dec-16 17:29:57

You apologise a lot

I would never live with a sulker.

Can you go out for the day with DC? Just let him stew

YouTheCat Mon 26-Dec-16 17:31:38

Make plans with your child. Tell him if he wishes to come he's to behave like a grown up.

Seriously though, I'd be re-evaluating the relationship if this is standard behaviour.

babajuice Mon 26-Dec-16 17:31:38

I don't think you said anything wrong at the shop at all. I also don't think you should be expected to read his mind when he's sulking. He sounds like hard work.

Patriciathestripper1 Mon 26-Dec-16 17:33:06

What gamerchick said!! (If I had the balls to do it to mine that's what I would do.... may still try it but not over Christmas...hmm)
But yes do that and if it works and snaps him out of it let me know and I'll try it 😄

mumonashoestring Mon 26-Dec-16 17:33:24

dp wanted to do his hobby and suggested dc go and listen to a story on a CD

So basically he lies through his teeth to make you feel bad about being happy? Has he always punished you like this or is this behaviour new?

sooperdooper Mon 26-Dec-16 17:36:30

Miserable moody sulking idiot - go out tomorrow somewhere nice with DC and leave him at home, is he always like this? I couldn't deal with that kind of behaviour all the time, sounds exhausting

harshbuttrue1980 Mon 26-Dec-16 17:36:57

I think you were very patronising in the shop, but he's now being sulky and childish. Meh, 6 of one, half a dozen of the other.

happychristmasbum Mon 26-Dec-16 17:37:30

What are you getting out of this "relationship?"

2rebecca Mon 26-Dec-16 17:38:25

I wouldn't apologise for another adult's behaviour in a shop. On the other hand he could have just told you to let him make his own apologies in future.
The story thing is ridiculous as it was his idea for the child to listen to it. I would have just told him this and said that if he wanted to listen with him he shouldn't have decided to do his hobby. It seems odd that you buy your kids separate presents. Stand up for yourself. He doesn't sound as though he enhances your life much

SENPARENT Mon 26-Dec-16 17:38:43

I certainly wouldn't be spending tomorrow with this knobhead and I would be seriously considering whether I want to spend any more of my life with him. You and your DC deserve better.

haveacupoftea Mon 26-Dec-16 17:39:55

Can you just ask him what his fucking problem is?

WhereYouLeftIt Mon 26-Dec-16 17:40:13

"DP storms in, and is angry that I am listening to it with DC because he wanted to listen to it with him."
No, he didn't want to listen to it with him or he wouldn't have 'sent' him to listen to it, he would have said to DC 'let's listen to ...'. What he wanted was to start another fight with you.

I am with gamerchick on this. You need to shock him out of this shitty behaviour. Apologising continuously is what he wants. Telling him to fuck off is what he needs.

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu Mon 26-Dec-16 17:41:02

Well he's clearly spoiling for a fight.
i'd love to call by and give him a good hard kick in the bollocks for you.

does he have form for this?
is there anything else going on with him?

SquinkiesRule Mon 26-Dec-16 17:50:54

He sent Ds to listen to it while he did his hobby, he's just picking at you and waiting for you to bite. What a prize knob.

BeckyAndTina Mon 26-Dec-16 17:52:12

A good hard kick is what he needs.
It's doing my head in. He's not always like this, but every now and then he gets into sulks about similar things.
I didn't particularly want to listen to the fucking CD, just did it because dc was bored and a bit upset. Dc is fine now.
I think refusing to go out tomorrow will be the shock he deserves and needs.
I don't have the balls to do what gamerchick suggests, though.

Goingtobeawesome Mon 26-Dec-16 17:54:45

<hands over steel balls>

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Mon 26-Dec-16 17:56:02

Everything everyone else said (especially the part about wanting a fight with you, nothing to do with wanting to listen to the story with DC). Plus he is gaslighting you - you "should have known" - what, you were supposed to guess what was going on inside his head??

Finola1step Mon 26-Dec-16 17:57:47

Definitely spoiling for a fight.

My guess is there is something he wants to do or go to tomorrow but feels that it wouldn't be approved of. Football? Seeing a old mate you can't stand? A hobby he spends loads of time on but shouldn't do during Christmas family time?

So he's pissed off and would be quite happy to have a big old barny, storm off, get to do his thing. While you stay at home, looking after the dc, wondering what you did wrong and how you can make it up to him.

But then I'm an old cynic.

Serialweightwatcher Mon 26-Dec-16 17:58:19

Who the hell does he think he is? He should just buy a blow up doll which won't speak and he can put it where he wants it know where that should be - up his jacksy

EweAreHere Mon 26-Dec-16 17:58:57

Your DP is abusive.

The silent treatment is a form of abuse. Look it up.

And he's looking for things you've done 'wrong' even though you haven't done anything wrong.

You seriously need to reconsider your relationship with this man.

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