Short version. DH and I married 10 years. DH caught having affair just before Christmas. Him and OW were discussing how they would raise our DC and also sharing many photos of them online at work and using social media. I kicked him out and we booked relate, went a few times in Jan. He secretly kept seeing other woman and vanished in mid Feb. At Easter I reached out and he was upset and desperately wanted to go to relate. I booked and paid for double session. He didn't show - found out he was at hers. Solicitor filed for divorce. He never showed to mediation. Shit got weird. He has been warned for harassment. Finally showed to mediation so now we are going some time in August. He's not bothered with either kids birthday, never asked how they are or told them he loves them. The OW is spouting off at work (we have a mutual acquaintance) about the bitch of an ex wife (me) who won't let him visit his kids and she can't wait to be the best step mummy in the whole world - bought outfits for them etc etc
Kids (2 & 5) not seen him in 5 months, oldest has little communication - all relevant agencies involved state no contact until ex agrees to work with dc1 needs and it would start with supervised contact. Both DC 'clingy' and hysterical if I leave, comes in waves but oldest is very anxious about change and has been described as disturbed.
But they want to know why daddy left. And after 5 months I have run out of patience with waiting for ex being able to 'develop a story together', I am adamant I will not lie to my children and so far have with great restraint not spoken badly of him.
- Keep repeating current line - Daddy made a bad choice (this is used at school) and sometimes when we make bad choices we feel very sad inside and have to hide for a while
- Daddy decided that he didn't want to be married to mummy anymore and made some other friends
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I can't say he has been poorly (as my DC will worry, especially the oldest), they don't buy the line he is at work, and when he went that awful day in December he foolishly told my oldest that he had hurt mummy very badly and had to go. They only saw him 4-5 times after that (although I did make him visit on Christmas Day) because he just wasn't bothered to arrange anything. I am absolutely terrified if I make the wrong decision now then I will lose them to lies when they get older. They are still so very young I feel I have to tell them something.
What worked for you? Especially if this happened to your parents - what do you wish you were told or not told?