Need support tonight

[Headdesk]

I know there are people on here with much much bigger problems than me right now but I need some support.
My oh cheated on me a month or so ago (just a kiss but I still consider that cheating) he said sorry we worked it out, he's done a lot to prove he's sorry and change things.
But tonight he's going out for the first time without me since it happened and I'm just a crying mess. I know I can't keep him in forever but the whole thing just has me worrying, will she be out (they run in the same circles but he has completely stopped talking to her or having any contact at all) will he meet someone else. Every bad possibility is going through my head and I really just need someone to tell me it'll be ok :(

[RedMapleLeaf]

What has he done about this evening to reassure you?

[Headdesk]

He's said that he knows I'm going to be worried and he understands why, he's made sure he's spent the whole day with me and told me I can text/call him anytime he's out and he'll reply to let me know where is what he's up to, I didn't ask him to do this, I'm not a texting every 5mins sort of person I would usually just let him get on with his night out, which is what I do plan to do tonight. I just can't get out of my head.

[RedMapleLeaf]

I think I would have expected far more than that to be honest

[Headdesk]

I don't really know what else he can do :( I'm an over thinker anyway so this evening is just awful

[AnyFucker]

What is the occasion this evening ?

[Headdesk]

A work do.

[withaspongeandarustyspanner]

What would you expect him to do, RedMapleLeaf?

[BifsWif]

There's no way my husband would be going out a month after cheating on me, especially if there were a chance he'd bump into the woman he kissed.

Does he know how upset and anxious you are?

[AnyFucker]

A work do that she will be attending ?

[Headdesk]

Yes he does, he been constantly reassuring me that everything is fine and she won't be there (still doesn't stop me thinking that she'll just show up). He had to go, it's a work thing.

[JonesTheSteam]

Did he offer not to go at all?

[mummyoftwo83]

Many a time have I spent the night doing exactly the same as your doing tonight..it gets easier but trust is hard to rebuild. If you let it (and he doesn't fuck up) you ll eventually get there. From personal experience it took me a long long time to forgive and not wry everytime my partner stepped out the door but if there's one piece of advice I can give you is you have to try and not wry or question his every move and be on the phone every second/minute/hr. It ll drive you mad! Nobody deserves to be cheated on but if you've chose to forgive and you know he truely wants you then this is your first step to trusting him again. If you want to talk msg me, I know how hard it is xxx

[AnyFucker]

What kind of job does he have that Saturday night socialising is compulsory ?

[RedMapleLeaf]

A) Not go until I wasn't a sobbing wreck.
B) Not go until I wasn't a sobbing wreck and then go, and text me every X minutes.
C) Not go until I wasn't a sobbing wreck and then go, and text me every X minutes and be back after an hour.

[Headdesk]

anyfucker apparently she won't be there because it's an upper management thing. But it's in our local town so nothing to stop her showing up with other people. I do think he would tell me if she did and come home. He seems to have gone out of his way to reassure me today and make me feel
Ok about it all.
It may seem like I'm trying to make excuses for him but I do believe that the whole thing was a drunken mistake and that he is genuinely sorry, I wouldn't have worked things out if I thought otherwise but I have anxiety and depression and my mind goes into over drive :(

[AnyFucker]

Would he get the sack if he didn't go ?

[Headdesk]

I'm not giving out his job description on here because it will out who I am. It's not mandatory but all managers are going and it's good for his job to go.

[Headdesk]

He said he wouldn't go but I don't want to be the kind of person that stops him going to work things. I think if we are working it out then it needs to come from both sides and I need to trust him.

[AnyFucker]

But detrimental to your mental health if he does ?

I wouldn't be happy with his prioritisation. A month is no time at all. What are you trying to prove being cool about this ?

[BifsWif]

Will he be drinking tonight or has he agreed to stay sober?

[RedMapleLeaf]

He said he wouldn't go but I don't want to be the kind of person that stops him going to work things

After only four weeks?

[RedMapleLeaf]

And it shouldn't be a case of you stopping him going out on the piss, it should be a case of him earning your trust. He's the one who changed the relationship.

[Headdesk]

I'm not trying to be cool about this, I'm trying to move on and get back to normal. I'm just finding it hard. I feel like he's been made out to be this complete dick, he's not, he did a fucking stupid thing when he was drunk that he told me about right away, we did all out fighting and crying over it when it happened and I just want to move on :( I'm just finding the first night out without me hard.

[AnyFucker]

You are looking for support from the wrong people, love.

It needs to come from your husband. I would say he is lacking in that department. He shouldn't have left it up to you to do the wobbly lipped brave martyr thing. He should have made the decision himself not to attend. It is obviously too soon.

[Headdesk]

He has been trying everyday to make it up to me. He never gets angry or annoyed when i get paranoid and check where he is, he's not secretive. He calmly tells me where he is what he's doing and says he understand why I'm being paranoid. He genuinely is sorry about it