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Relationships

Absolutely Devestated

87 replies

officeworker · 17/10/2014 08:00

Hi guys,

So after this time last week my partner telling me he's trying his hardest to make it work and loves me and wants us to stay together, the next day he breaks up with me and I've pretty much been a wreck ever since.

By the Saturday he'd decided he's fed up of trying with me and doesn't love me like he used to, and that our date we had planned for the Saturday night to try and reconnect he doesn't want to go on. Now, we've had a lot of break ups and make ups after a week in our short stormy relationship...all of the bad things have happened since we moved in but this time it doesn't feel the best at all.
I should mention at this point a couple of weeks ago his father had a mini stroke and now they've discovered a brain tumour which the family find out the severity of next Tuesday. The whole time his father was taken to hospital I took time off work, was at the hospital all weekend and doing the general stuff a girlfriend should do, so I'm not quite sure if his fathers illness is behind this like my friends seem to think.

Anyway, since Sunday he has refused to move out just yet, stating he wants to but in a couple of weeks when he decides he wants to. I pleaded with him to just go to his parents (where he's moving back to) for a few days, they live five minutes away and mine are 20 miles and again he refused. He won't not sleep in our bed, it's him that doesn't want to be together and him that should move to the sofa yet he won't. There's no physical contact other than this morning (which I'll explain next), and he spends his time flipping between completely ignoring me to talking very sweetly, realising what he's doing and then stopping quickly.

Then comes my problem, I've sick since this time last Friday. I have a raging hunger yet whenever I take a bite of food I'm straight to the toilet trying to throw it up. Since last Friday (so unfortunately I can't even say it started when the break up did), I've hate probably around six bites of food, all I can drink is water and again it comes straight back up. On the toilet first thing every morning throwing up and the other one. No concentration, I can sleep but then wake up and it starts all over again. Yesterday evening, he'd made a pizza for his dinner, I asked for a tiny part and he refused! This morning I've woke up and it's even worse even he can see that, I tried to cuddle into him in the corridor and he gave a half hearted cuddle back, then got me a dish to be sick in and a glass of water without me even prompting which is a first! However I've been wretching for the best part of an hour now inbetween typing so called NHS 111. They're asking the urgent care centre to call me, I can't tell him as he'll accuse me of attention seeking or something so I literally am on my own, having to stay off work, sick in bed and without him.

With this and him being like this with me I'm absolutely devestated, it's my little sisters wedding in a few weeks and I can't even think about not going with him. Sorry for the long post and to be honest I'm not really asking anything, more just trying to gather my thoughts and write it down.

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hesterton · 17/10/2014 08:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

officeworker · 17/10/2014 08:08

We jointly rent fortunately. Notice hasn't even been given yet on the apartment. He insists he's moving at half term and went to tell his Mum on Wednesday, when I asked what she said he said 'it's not up to her it's what I think' indicating she doesn't agree with the split. But hey, he's right. If he doesn't want to be with me I can't force him. Doesn't make it hurt any less though.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/10/2014 08:10

I think more context is required. Where are you living? (Is it your place, his place, owned, rented?) How short is a short relationship? Why does he get to decide that he's sticking around?

If you are sick and vomiting up everything you eat, please see your doctor urgently. Could be any number of things, some much more serious than others.

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hesterton · 17/10/2014 08:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/10/2014 08:11

" If he doesn't want to be with me I can't force him"

Don't demean yourself begging him to stay. The forcing should be to get him OUT. Pack his bags, make his life truly unpleasant, no cuddling in the corridor.... dig deep, find your self-respect and get shot.

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WhereIsMYJonathanSmith · 17/10/2014 08:11

Exactly. Is the home in your name or both names?

If it is in your name I would get some help and actually evict him. All this stress is making you ill. His behaviour is appalling and there is no reason whatsoever why he cannot immediately go to his parents, and if there really is a reason, then he can go to the B & B.

I do hope you are not doing anything for him.

I would make an appointment to see you GP and get some support from your friends and family.

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officeworker · 17/10/2014 08:13

There is definitely nobody else involved. He doesn't have time for that whatsoever inbetween work and social activities.

It's a rented apartment and we've been together around 15 months now.

The problem with him moving out is a silly one. He has a car, he can quite as easy pack a bag and go to his parents for a few days and come back when I'm not in as and when he needs more clothes. He doesn't want to though as I suspect he doesn't want to move back home. He's told me he doesn't lots of times when he's done this previously.

In regards to being sick and not eating and everything else, I'm waiting on a call from the urgent centre where they can decide what I should do. Honestly I am so hungry yet can't eat at all.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/10/2014 08:16

Where he goes or what he wants is not your concern. Please stop being so passive and start asserting yourself. Be unreasonable if you have to. Throw a wobbly if necessary! Pack his bag for him and take his key. If the vomiting is stress-related, it isn't helping having him dripping around the place making you upset.

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Vivacia · 17/10/2014 08:18

Take him at his word, he doesn't want to be with you so there's none of this nonsense of him being in your fucking bed.

Whose name is the tenancy in?

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officeworker · 17/10/2014 08:20

You're certainly correct CogitoErgoSometimes, I feel as though things are spiralling out of my control and I feel helpless to stop anything.

A break up isn't what I want yet I feel as though because he won't leave he's delaying me getting over it all and moving on. I also feel as if I do do as you say and pack a bag for him and he leaves...then he is gone and I don't want that either. It's kind of like wanting to just give him a huge shake and to realise what he's doing. He's a stubborn fool when he gets into these moods. I sure as hell would sleep on the sofa if I didn't want to be with someone that much!

The vomiting is terrible as nothing actually comes up as there isn't anything there to throw up. It's giving me headaches and a sore throat and running to the toilet every few minutes is awful. It just says it all that I haven't had a text since he went to work asking how I am

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Penfold007 · 17/10/2014 08:21

Sounds very stressful for both of you. Don't want to panic you but have you taken a pregnancy test?

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officeworker · 17/10/2014 08:21

The tenancy is in joint names

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officeworker · 17/10/2014 08:36

Definitely not pregnant!

It really annoys me as well that I've been poorly so going to bed earlyish to try and fall asleep before he comes into bed, but what he does it go out into the hall, switches every light on (which I can't stand when I'm trying to sleep and he knows it) then comes into bed, puts the lamp on and sits on his phone for an hour keeping me awake the whole time. If he just gave me an hour in bed with no lights or doors to sleep I could manage, and his alarm goes off an hour before mine so that means I'm wide awake a lot earlier than I need to be

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/10/2014 08:37

Ideas about huge shakes and calling him a stubborn fool aren't taking this seriously, sorry. You say you've had a lot of break-ups so the relationship has clearly been doomed for a long time. Who caves normally? Who returns to whom? Do you cry or get sick and he rushes back to your side?..... Does he cry or get sick and say he's made a big mistake? Whatever the usual pattern and however much you say you want to be together, the two of you are clearly not suited.

He's at work, pack his bags, leave them on the doorstep, send a text saying 'don't bother coming back'... you know.... stop things spiralling out of control and get back in the driving seat. Then see the doctor, call a friend, and do whatever it takes to find some peace.

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Vivacia · 17/10/2014 08:41

Not wanting to be in a relationship with someone is a valid choice. It doesn't make you stubborn or in a mood Confused

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officeworker · 17/10/2014 08:42

Usually it's him that caves after a week or to and says sorry and that he loves me he just really dislikes me sometimes. And that he hates that I can make him change his mind. He's not a sympathetic person, so he wouldn't come home if I was sick or in hospital he'd say it was me over exaggerating!

I can't do that, but I can have a stern talk about it this evening. He'll be off out somewhere anyway so it'll be whenever I catch him.

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Vivacia · 17/10/2014 08:45

"Stern talk"?

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Vivacia · 17/10/2014 08:46

You're his ex, not his mother.

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Vivacia · 17/10/2014 08:47

You know what, I agree with Cog, you're not taking this seriously. Makes me think that this is just a game you and him play, and I've fallen for it too.

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Seriouslyffs · 17/10/2014 08:47

Vivacia
Not wanting to be in a relationship with someone is a valid choice. It doesn't make you stubborn or in a mood
It's a valid choice but it's not on to continue sharing a bed and stomp around noisily when the OP is trying to sleep.

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LineRunner · 17/10/2014 08:47

He really dislikes you sometimes?? What a horrible thing to say.

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officeworker · 17/10/2014 08:48

About his attitude towards me. Ever since he's decided he wants to break up he treats me with such contempt, shouting because I'd tipped the laundry basket out or because I had a dish in the living room whilst being sick. He always finds a reason to disagree with me as if to prove a point, if he wants to carry on living in this house for however many more weeks he needs to grow up and behave amicably.

If it was the other way around and he was in bed throwing up, wretching, teary and clutching his tummy I would be there in whatever capacity I could trying to make him feel better and if I did have to go to work, I'd text to make sure he was ok and what action he's taking. Him. Nothing.

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officeworker · 17/10/2014 08:51

If it was a game I'd sure as hell not be online posting about it, I'd be plotting my next move. Instead I'm on the phone to the doctor!

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/10/2014 08:55

I'm getting more than a whiff of bullying and manipulation now. Someone who keeps withdrawing their affection, treating someone with contempt, shouting and being unreasonable, refusing to move out and then slinking back after a few weeks when it suits them is a BULLY

OP he's using you and taking you for a fool. Get angry ffs....

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/10/2014 08:58

He's taking it for granted that he can treat you like shit, walk out when it suits, and you're so pathetically grateful for any crumbs of affection that you take him back with open arms. Even now... even when you are hurling your guts.... you're still trying to cuddle him in the corridor rather than figuratively (or literally) setting light to his possessions .

Of course he doesn't care how you are. He has zero respect for you. He likes to put you through hell on a regular basis just to keep you on your toes

Get angry.

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