Since the very first date I have been clear with my husband I don't find porn use while in a relationship acceptable. He agreed. Although later I found out he regularly uses porn, just goes to great lengths to hide it from me. Wasn't really happy but chose to ignore it as the relationship is otherwise good.
Two years ago when I was 8 months pregnant with our first child I found out that he had joined a website called 'local slags'. He used a different name but the right age and postcode, no picture. In the messages box I could see he had messaged somebody called 'Sandy' and she had replied but I couldn't see what the messages said because I would have to 'log in' and I didn't have the log in details. (I could only see this page because he had left it open on his phone).
He went to extraordinary lengths to convince me that he hadn't set up this profile, it was spam and they had somehow got hold of his details to set up a profile but you had to pay to use it and he hadn't paid so he didn't know what the messages said. It was just a trick to 'hook' you etc. even got his friend to phone me and say the same happened to him. Swore on the kids lives he hadn't done anything wrong.
At the time I let it go because I felt it wasn't the right time for all this hassle.
Fast forward two years and of course I found out the above is all lies. He did knowingly set up the account. He also regularly visits 'adult work' although I don't know if he has an account or not. He says he just likes to look at pictures of 'normal' women, not airbrushed porn stars.
A year ago I also found a very well concealed memory stick. It had videos of him shagging his ex. Also videos of him shagging women I don't recognise. He apologised for having it and admitted he is stupid. He swears the women on it were before he met me. He then destroyed the memory stick.
The thing is I don't know if I believe him. I really do love him and want our relationship to work but I keep swinging from feeling everything is ok to upset, paranoid, angry. I just want to stabilise and get past this.
He's an excellent father and in every other way such a caring, lovely husband.
I'm too ashamed to talk about this in RL to anybody. Does anyone have any advice on how I can move forward?
Sorry it is so long. Sorry also if I take a while to reply. I have two under two so I rarely get a minute to myself!
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Relationships
Husband messaged a girl on website 'local slags' when I was pregnant.
CantThinkStraightAnymore · 07/04/2014 13:35
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