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my mam is in hospital

(103 Posts)
wontletmesignin Thu 26-Dec-13 09:04:01

She was taken in to hospital last night.
She has had a lump for a few weeks and not said anything.

Her arm is all swelled up and she is apparently not well at all. On antibiotics and they will be keeping her in for a week.

I feel so helpless!

It may sound weird, but what is worrying me the most is her alcohol dependency.

How is she going to do this...for over 26 years she has had a drink every single day.

I know when i tried getting her help through every agency possible - they all said it would be far too dangerous for her to just stop.

Being in hospital is going to force her to just stop.

I am really worried.
She cant stand hospitals, she will be so scared and alone and with no alcohol. She will be doing withdrawals in a place she is most uncomfortable.

Anybody know what can/will happen with her drinking suddenly stopping?

wontletmesignin Fri 10-Jan-14 10:28:03

I havent read that thread. But i had thought abouy how my mam didnt need to tell us, and how i would feel if she hadnt.

You can kind of understand why somebody wouldnt want anyone to know, as they wouldnt want to be treat differently. I know i wouldnt.
And for that very reason, it is important that i dont allow my thoughts to taint my time with her.

I am pleased that they have told us, they so easily could have chosen not to.

I am worried about how my dad is holding up. I am encouraging him to talk to me about how he is feeling as he has a hard time opening up. He is doing well at the minute. But i dont know how long before he crashes. He is taking on far too much. He is learning how to iron, cooking, washing and the dishwasher. Which is all fantastic, and he is proud of himself. Only hes not giving himself a breather.

I am going to offer to go out with my mam throughout next week so he can just sit and chill, or go to the gym. Just anything to give him a break.

Any ideas of what else i can do to help?

My dad phoned during me typing this and says my mam is going on monday afternoon for radiotherapy, so im pleased they are acting quickly.

PacificDogwood Thu 09-Jan-14 19:34:14

Ah, good, I'm glad to hear she seems... what's the word? Settled?

And yes, don't allow the thought of this illness to taint every moment with her.
I read a rather touching thread on here where somebody mentioned that their parents did not tell their (adult) children that dad had 6 months to live, because they did not want anybody to behave differently from normal (that 'betrayal' was hard to take after he had died, which is what the thread was about).
Aim for a lovely normal. By guided by what she might enjoy. Spend time with her. And like I said, look after yourself.

Reading is good. Information is good. And then live day to day if you can.

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 19:24:28

Thank you xx

I have had my cry, and read up a lot about it. I am now going to do as you mention, think of it as a chronic illness.

I need to enjoy the time that i do have with her. Not dread every second of it by thinking of how thr cancer could take her.

It is going to be difficult. But i need to focus on the now. And right now, she is ok.

She has been doing brilliant with her drinking. She hasnt even thought of it.
The morphine is knocking her out, so she no longer needs drink to sleep.
The thiamine seems to be working for her

PacificDogwood Thu 09-Jan-14 18:57:41

Can you try and think of it as a 'chronic illness' rather than 'incurable illness'?

I am so sorry you all have to go through this. Cancer is a bastard and can just get lost, but it's a reality of life and not that uncommon, sadly.

How has your mum been doing wrt to drinking alcohol?

Have cake and wine and thanks to get you through.
Think of supporting her of a marathon, not a sprint: you'll have to pace yourself, so looking after yourself is not a selfish act, but one of self-preservation and of allowing you to be there for her and your dad over a period of time.

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 15:52:53

Thank you. Yeah i have support.
What she has isnt curable,just manageable.
I am really struggling to keep it together now that im home.

Thetallesttower Thu 09-Jan-14 14:46:52

Sorry to hear about your mum, that's really awful news. Hope you have some support yourself as it will be a tough time.

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 11:50:41

It has affected her back, bones and lymph nodes in her arm.
She will had radiotherapy and thesr tablets and then maybe chemo and pain relief

PacificDogwood Thu 09-Jan-14 11:31:56

Oh good.
I hope they'll have a clear idea of what the plan is now and what to expect.
If her tumour shrinks nicely, the swelling in her arm may go again.
Here's hoping smile

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 11:25:40

I will have to work on it.
Yes,i am at their house now waiting for them to come home. So i will see her soon

PacificDogwood Thu 09-Jan-14 11:22:58

You'll have to really work on your Mindfulness, won't you?

Are you able to see her soon?

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 11:17:10

I dont know. My mind is full of negativity.

Going back to her arm being swollen, which proves it has affected the lymph nodes, and then her bad back..on top of that, she can sleep all day.

I knew deep down it was this, but i still had that hope that it wasnt and it was just some abscess or something.

I just hope she is ok

Thank you x

PacificDogwood Thu 09-Jan-14 11:10:34

Ah crap sad.
Not unexpected, I am sure from what you've posted before, but it must still be a shock.

I am glad she has been offered treatment. If she is getting tablets, that is a v good sign (?Letrozole). They will shrink the actual size of the tumour and make further treatment with chemo or radiotherapy more effective.
Not all breast ca is aggressive.

Bad news, no doubt. I hope treatment will help her enjoy life.
How are you holding up?

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 11:03:54

My dad has just phoned. It is cancer. They are getting some tablets now. Mention chemo injections at some point. He says they will treat it. I feel sick

PacificDogwood Thu 09-Jan-14 10:55:39

Do something/anything to distract you.
Lurk on Style and Beauty?
Put the telly on?
Make hot, sweet cups of tea?

It is hard, I know.

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 10:53:29

Thank you x

poopooheadwillyfatface Thu 09-Jan-14 10:51:52

just to let you know that I've been following the thread and I'm thinking of youthanks

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 10:49:38

This is just too much. I dont know what to do

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 10:48:06

Thank you pacific

PacificDogwood Thu 09-Jan-14 10:43:49

Here. Have a hand to hold.

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 10:38:29

Today is the day.
I am at their house now watching the dog and my god it is so difficult!
This waiting is killing me.

The appointment was at half 9. Why arent they back yet!!

This is so terrifying. The longer they are the worse my thinking gets. I hope to god everything is ok!

wontletmesignin Mon 30-Dec-13 15:40:20

So sorry to hear of your losses santaslittlemonkey.

I know pacific, i really hope we are both wrong.
Therr is just far too mucj pointing towards that. Especially with her arm!
Like you say though - not to get too ahead of myself.
The results of this biopsy are what we need.

My dad stressed out at me on the phone earlier for asking too many questions.
He is still gripping on to it just being an abscess.
I havent mentioned anything of the sorts on my thoughts about it.
I cant mention it to any of them.

Just gotta pray for the best. Its really hard to stop yourself losing hope though

PacificDingbat Mon 30-Dec-13 14:16:01

Oh, how frustrating - but remind yourself, it is necessary to have ALL possible information to come up with some kind of plan and in order to give you all a realistic idea of what to expect.

You will have to carry on pacing yourself and trying really hard not to get too far ahead of yourself.
I have to be honest with you, I was worried about breast ca from your OP. I really hope I am wrong - I'd be delighted to be wrong sad.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Mon 30-Dec-13 14:15:17

I've just seen this thread & wanted to say how sorry I am for what you are going through sad.

I have lost both of my parents to cancer (not that I'm saying that your DM does have cancer), and can well remember how long the wait for a proper yes/no diagnosis seemed to be, although in real terms a week isn't so long.

With my DM, the first Consultant we saw (I was with her at the appointment) did say that whilst he couldn't confirm anything without the biopsy results, he was pretty sure that it would be malignant.

On the plus side, they do seem to be dealing with things as quickly as they can for her. Fingers crossed for some good news for you all flowers.

wontletmesignin Mon 30-Dec-13 14:04:18

Dads just phoned. Another week to wait. They are doing a biopsy and will take a week for results to come back!

wontletmesignin Mon 30-Dec-13 13:59:02

Thank you.

Ive got no one for the kids. My sister has got their dog. So we are all just waiting.
Just text me sis and she still hasnt heard anything.
Its been half an hour now since the appointment time.
God...this is just torture!

I can imagine the appointment being a long one....especially if it is bad news!!

If it was nothing, they would have been on the phone letting us know all was well. But they havent and so my mind is just all over the place!

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