stbx has just punched me on the arm in front of the children

[marryinhaste]

He came round on the pretence of seeing the kids, but spent the whole time sorting through a box of papers (they are all his - he could have taken the whole thing and sorted through it at his house).

Discussion got heated (I called the CSA last week as he told me he wasn't going to pay maintenance every week, only when he had spare cash, he isn't happy about this). He said he told woman from CSA. I'd tricked him into having children (he was fully aware we were having unprotected sex each time, and he was the one that suggested trying for dc1).

I was incredibly pissed off at this, asked him to leave (as he had ignored kids up to that point anyway). He refused, kept going through papers, I childishly tried to grab papers away, he punched me in the arm. 4 and 2 yo both saw this - 2yo unaffected, but 4yo upset. I am so annoyed at myself for getting dragged into more arguments, and exposing my children to this shit.

Should I call the police and have this logged? I did goad by taking the papers, but he was refusing to leave and I know from previous form that he would just sit sorting through them for hours, trying to piss me off.

[stillsmilingafteralltheseyears]

I would log it and have you had any legal advice about him not entering your home? he should see the kids somewhere else if this is how it is when you are together.

[tribpot]

You need to keep him out of the house in future - how long would it take to box up everything of his that's still there and put it in the front garden?

[marryinhaste]

Thanks for the response - no I haven't had any legal advice. Everything is in my name (but I know as we're married it's not that straightforward).

I told him from now on he needs to sort out a contact centre as I completely agree - he needs to see them somewhere else, and without me there. Problem is he refuses to take them out in his car as he reckons it's not powerful enough for car seats etc (!) so until now it's all been at my house.

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

Log the assault

Get a non-molestation order

Stop him from entering your home

If he wants to see the children, he does it elsewhere

If you don't trust him to do that properly, make it a contact centre

All this is possible, if you don't protect him "for the sake of the children"

[marryinhaste]

Thanks tribpot - that box was the last of his stuff. I don't know why he hadn't already taken it.

I hate knowing that he will turn up again at some point, and the 4 yo will just let him in. I don't even know where he lives (not that I want to) but he can just drop by here whenever he feels like it.

[MushroomSoup]

Not powerful enough for car seats!!!

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

he cannot

[MushroomSoup]

Lock the bloody door and put the key somewhere your 4 year old cant reach.

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

4 yo's are not in charge

ExP's that are violent are not in charge

[ParsleyTheLioness]

I used to meet STBXH at Mcdonalds. Get it away from your house if you can.

[browniebear]

that sounds awful. Are u ok? Definitely inform the police and don't let him in again, keep the door locked so your dc can't let him in without u knowing.
It's not acceptable and clearly if he wants to see the children it should be somewhere safe

[Flisspaps]

Or put a chain on it where she can't get to it, and teach her not to open the door to anyone, but to get you if it's knocked.

Definitely log it with the police.

[pictish]

Lock the door and stop letting your child open it. Keep him out.
You have no obligation legally, or morally, to allow him into your home to pester you with his presence.
Bag up anything that might belong to him (like boxes of paperwork) and have it ready to hand over to him at his next visit. Then make that one his last.

[marryinhaste]

HHMF - thanks. I have got myself in a spin because I know I'm not behaving perfectly in all this, and he keeps telling me my true colours are coming out now (even said it just after this incident). But I was not violent to him (just childish) and he did assault me.

[Flisspaps]

Oh, and if he chooses not to fit car seats then that's his issue, not yours. He needs to arrange safe, suitable transport for contact, not use your home as a contact centre.

[stillsmilingafteralltheseyears]

You need to start being serious and grown up about this. Make this the last time he comes in your home. Get legal advice tomorrow.

[pictish]

I agree with Fliss - his not fitting car seats is his lookout! How come you have stick your neck out because of it?

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

If he is engineering arguments, he shouldn't be spending time in your house

Keep him out

[marryinhaste]

Wow, thanks everyone for the responses - I wasn't sure whether to post this at all, but you are all helping greatly.

I need to get a chain on the door so the 4yo can't open it - all seems so obvious, but I am so sleep deprived I can't see it! 2yo still not sleeping through the night, and I do a pretty full-on job.

Is it ok to wait til morning to log the call? He won't be back for a few days now and I just want to sleep. Am wfh tomorrow, so could call then.

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

"not powerful enough for car seats"

you are not challenging that ?

laugh at him (at a distance) and tell him, no go-outy, no contact

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

he is still finding a way to yank your chain, and you are letting him

[BerylStreep]

Yes, report it to the police. Get an occupation order. See a solicitor.

He has no right to hang around the house sorting papers.

He has no right to assault you.

Don't let him make you think you are to blame for him assaulting you.

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

yes, get some sleep love, and ring 101 in the morning

if you are safe, there is no urgency

but do log it

[cestlavielife]

Yes log it and use it as more than good reason for him not to come in your house again.
Chain on door so can't open fully.

Can't take them I car? Then he walks puts them ina double buggy

[marryinhaste]

Oh I laugh at him constantly - this is why he's so angry with me, as I don't show him the respect he deserves as a husband.

If I told you some of the other shit he's come out with, you'd have a field day! I think my favourite was when he went to see a doctor (recommended by his equally weird mate) who gave him a full body scan at his first appointment, and proclaimed that stbx had been poisoned!!! I shit you not! I am so glad to be rid of the nutter.