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so low is husband having affair ??

(62 Posts)
katty19 Tue 02-Oct-12 10:27:17

sorry to botheryou guys im after some advice as i dont have anyone to talk to. Basically i woke up one morning to find a text message on my husbands phone from a number not in his contacts, It said ' Your face when I got out my dildo out made me cum.' as you can imagine i was totally horrified. He grabbed te phone rigyht off me went into the bathroom and deleted the message the reappeared saying he must of got the message as he when on a porn site the night before. on his i-phone. He expects me to believe this im just devistated as we have 3 young boys 4 3 and 1 . Then yesterday he got a text from a customer saying i made you a bacon sandwich on friday but i did not know your new address to deliver it too xxx i could be inocent but the 1st message has made me paranoid.
I love him dearly but he works long hours and we have just bought a new house so we are both under stress we have little family time together

katty19 Tue 02-Oct-12 10:37:02


SimplyTes Tue 02-Oct-12 10:41:18

Hello, so sorry to read what has happened to you. There is so much porn out there lots of which is interactive, so he could be telling the truth..........but it certaily sounds like you have to talk and trust your instincts, after many years on MN I know that we women have an inbuilt bullshit detector.

The bacon sarnie text on its own sounds pretty innocent and not in keeping with first message. Hope you have some RL support.

SimplyTes Tue 02-Oct-12 10:42:17

ps please never think you are bothering anyone, sometimes support is needed and MN has always been there for me, post at will, it often helps!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Tue 02-Oct-12 10:43:24

It might be worth getting this moved into Relationships as I don't think AIBU is really the right place.

Do you have any other reason apart from the text to worry?

katty19 Tue 02-Oct-12 10:46:14

Hi thanks for your reply I just dont get how from going on a website they woud send you a text. Unless he had been speaking to someone on the site. We are gong through a rough patch i thought about marraige counselling.

katty19 Tue 02-Oct-12 10:47:28

Hi sorry Im new here how do you move the post. I could not see the relationship section sorry x

cozietoesie Tue 02-Oct-12 10:47:41


I'd also ask MNHQ to move this into Relationships.

And for what it's worth, the second text would have me wondering as well. It's really not a standard text.

ZillionChocolate Tue 02-Oct-12 10:50:06

I don't necessarily have a huge problem with pornography, it depends on what it is and the circumstances in which it's viewed. I am however suspicious about his explanation. I also think the bacon sandwich text sounds strange. Why would you make someone a sandwich unsolicited if you couldn't give it to them? How do you know it's a customer.

Whether or not he's misbehaving, his actions are strange and causing you anxiety. It does sound as though counselling might be a good idea.

OwedToAutumn Tue 02-Oct-12 10:51:21

Katty, report your post. You will get a page up which should be easy to follow. Just ask MNHQ to move the thread. You will get really helpful people posting there. smile

WorraLiberty Tue 02-Oct-12 10:52:00

It's possible he's having a 'cyber affair' online with someone.

The 'your face' comment would indicate they were skyping or using a web chat thing perhaps.

No idea about the bacon sandwich unless it was some sort of 'in joke' between the two of them.

SimplyTes Tue 02-Oct-12 10:52:39

I'm not a whizz with IT but I know that skype is used so men (or women) can interact with the other person, maybe she was watching him and vice you have skype? Pretty sure you need an account to set it up, my DH set it up on my iPhone so I can see and talk to friend in NZ, but you can also have it on your PC.

I'm certain more IT savvy help will be along. Where is he at the moment?

katty19 Tue 02-Oct-12 10:53:15

sorry who do I contact to move thread sorry if this has caused any offence to anyone reading.

Lovelygoldboots Tue 02-Oct-12 10:57:15

I honestly think that the text was from a porn site and I think they would do that. I am so sorry, I have been there, three young children, relationship under stress and an I phone just offers easy access to pornography. And as for the other text, well my partner gets texts sometimes with xxx on the end and it drives me mad but it is part of his work, he gets called out to a soft play centre sometimes and they all know him there. I found some magazines when we were going through a bad spell and it really upset me so can understand how you feel. I think there would be more signs than just two texts if he was having an affair. Hope you are ok.

cozietoesie Tue 02-Oct-12 10:58:26

No offence at all, katty - just that Relationships might be a better place to discuss it.

Just go to your first post and click 'report'. (top right of post.) A box will come up and you just need to ask for your thread to be moved to Relationships.


AnastasiaSteele Tue 02-Oct-12 11:00:34

No one's offended my lovely - just you will get lots of support in relationships. LOTS of people been in your shoes - porn or affairs - neither of which are looked upon favourably.

You're right to be suspcicious. It might be innocent - but if you have a gut feeling, don't ignore it.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Tue 02-Oct-12 11:01:29

Katty - you've not caused any problems posting here. Its just that sometimes AIBU can get a bit feisty and Relationships is a bit more supportive. I've contacted MNHQ and asked them to move this.

I am sorry you are going through this and I do think counselling sounds like it might be helpful.

AnastasiaSteele Tue 02-Oct-12 11:01:32

I've reported to move the thread. smile

dysfunctionalme Tue 02-Oct-12 11:02:13

No you haven't caused offence, people just want to look after you a bit x

katty19 Tue 02-Oct-12 11:03:01

Thanks for your help girls I have reported the post . Yes I do suspect some sort of online affair or affair. The second text was from an air hostess who hes doing so electrical work for apparently she makes all the builders etc bacon sarnies and beers on a friday . I find this a bit weird but i am very paranoid after the first text.

WorraLiberty Tue 02-Oct-12 11:04:59

katty when the thread gets moved to Relationships if you can't find it, just click 'Threads I'm on' or Threads I started' the top of the page and it'll take you straight there.

katty19 Tue 02-Oct-12 11:18:34

any advice from anyone on relationships ?

SandyMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 02-Oct-12 11:18:41

Hello everyone,

We are going to move this thread to Relationships.

We have been asked to move it by the OP who feels it would be a better fit.

Thanks to everyone who reported.

MadAboutHotChoc Tue 02-Oct-12 11:21:57

He sounds very defensive sad

He is cheating - either via the internet or in real life.

Are you able to access his computer/laptop?

I would try and look at his iphone as well.

But he may have started covering up his tracks and deleted all the evidence.

PeppermintPasty Tue 02-Oct-12 11:25:21

Does he use porn sites regularly, and if so, do you accept that? -From what he said when he was caught out it sounds like he is excusing it by referring to porn, in the hope that this would be ok with you. ie better that than admitting to an affair or some such thing.

That aside, I think you must trust your instincts. You say you are going through a rough patch, can you tell us a bit more about it?

Has he made any effort at all to reassure you after this awful discovery? I am so sorry, but my view is that he is cheating on you one way or another. You don't have to put up with it. I know you love him dearly, but he is treating you like dirt.

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