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Separation & beyond.. Lala goes forth!!!

(636 Posts)
LalaDipsey Wed 01-Aug-12 18:49:07

Hi everyone. Well, the saga continues. H turned up for his single 'abuse assessment session' on Monday to find that the counsellor had, by mistake, booked him in for Wednesday instead of Monday! I was fuming!
I spoke to them and said it may just be one more week to them, but to me I had mentally psyched myself up for H to have this DV assessment and was then ready for a session this Monday coming either together or on my own. Nothing could be done but I was gutted as I had hoped us to be significantly further along by next week and now we won't be.
On the plus side, night 3 of sleep training tonight so hoping for a massive improvement.
Had no idea what to call this thread... Felt this was still the right place as I extricate us from this relationship but I hope by the time this reaches 1000 posts H has either moved out, or is living here whilst the divorce is being processed so I hope the title sums that up!!
Thanks for everyone still with me

Jokat Sun 14-Apr-13 22:59:04

Lala has started a new thread:

Highlander Sun 07-Apr-13 22:29:32

Please check in, Lala.

legoqueen Fri 05-Apr-13 14:05:13

Hope you & your DCs are doing okay, Lala...

MysteriousHamster Fri 22-Mar-13 20:01:56

Still thinking of you Lala and hoping you're okay. No judgement, just concerns.

wheredidiputit Sun 10-Mar-13 19:17:14

Lala Hope you're having a nice Mothers Day.

If you have a moment could you please let know if you are ok.

hillyhilly Mon 25-Feb-13 17:28:15

I've been keeping an eye out for you too lala and hoping that all's well.

wheredidiputit Sun 24-Feb-13 19:23:18

Is everything ok Lala.

If you have time can your just pop in and let us know your ok even if he still at home.

MysteriousHamster Mon 18-Feb-13 15:08:54

Bump for Lala, hope you're okay.

chezziejo Fri 15-Feb-13 09:49:43

Hi lala how are you? Hope your getting on ok.

MrsHoolie Sun 10-Feb-13 23:53:46

Hi are you?

wheredidiputit Sat 09-Feb-13 07:31:07

How you getting on Lala.

Has he found somewhere to live yet.

Repetitiverobot Wed 06-Feb-13 10:25:17

Hi Lala, hope you're all doing ok. We're all still here thinking of you. x

blackcurrants Mon 28-Jan-13 01:32:27

hi lala, happy new life smile
hope you and your lovely DCs are doing well. i mainlylurk but wanted you to know i am cheering you on x

wheredidiputit Sun 27-Jan-13 06:48:52

Hope you ok and the freedom programme is going well.

How is your H getting on with finding somewhere to live.

FiercePanda Fri 18-Jan-13 14:52:17

Well done Lala, you're doing well. Keep being firm with him re moving out, he'll string it out as long as he can ("waaaaaaaaah I can't find anywhere!" etc) but you don't have to listen to it. It's nearly February already, he's had plenty of time doing bugger-all, it's time he looked properly.

I really hope the Freedom Programme helps you find the emotional strength and confidence H has sapped from you over the years.

Aussiebean Thu 17-Jan-13 12:07:30

Hi lala. Fingers and toes crossed that things progress quickly for you. Things have been so hard and I am glad you now have some direction.


wheredidiputit Thu 17-Jan-13 09:57:32


Given the freedom programme a go. There is more types of abuse other hitting.

LalaDipsey Thu 17-Jan-13 06:35:14

Plodding along really. Am chivvying him along to find somewhere. He hasn't drunk since nye and is being great, but if anything that's strengthening my resolve as I could have had this (a helpful, participative H) for the past year had he chosen but he didn't, he has chosen to be alcoholic, absent & abusive.
I start the Freedom Programme today. Am worried I will feel like a fraud as H has never beaten me up and the odd incident with dc have been spaced out and a long time ago now.

MysteriousHamster Tue 15-Jan-13 11:41:51

How's it going, Lala?

mathanxiety Tue 08-Jan-13 06:47:23

Yes indeed Cornish. These things are not unknown at all.

hillyhilly Mon 07-Jan-13 10:57:34

Happy new year lala, you're still doing well.

LalaDipsey Sun 06-Jan-13 06:59:34

I did manage to talk a little last night - reiterated I wanted to separate and him to move out and that we needed to start talking practicalities (ie if he moves into unfurnished what stuff he needs).
I cried (damn it) but at least we moved past that pretty quickly!

CornishMade Sat 05-Jan-13 10:18:19

A friend of mine left her abusive marriage where the H had had very little input in the 2 dcs lives, and yet he suddenly was fighting for custody. It is done out of anger, pride, and spite once they realise they are no longer running your life. They want to control and can't let go. Friend's exH said himself that he wanted to make her life as miserable as he could. sad So please be prepared for this scenario. And tell him the holiday dates by email, I agree, so that he can't claim you were hiding anything.

dippyDoohdah Sat 05-Jan-13 08:49:01

if he did ever mention custody I think it would just be a way to frighten and control you.his comment was, as another poster said, a machismo flailing dig, I don't think it was anything more, but agree with Farley, it is still best to be forearmed with legal advice regarding all possible scenarios

SecrectFarleysNibbler Sat 05-Jan-13 08:45:25

Yep - little too late Lala - You MUST keep in mind that this few days of not drinking ect are just another turn of the wheel. You have been on this cycle again and again. Recognise it for what it is -a dirty trick to pull you back in line and make you drop your current stance. its the feeding you a little bit of what you want. You have to keep on looking at the bigger picture and not let these micro events sway you.

Regarding the holiday I would officially notify him that you are going on holiday and then he has no come back on you by accusing you of being uncooperative / keeping him out of the loop. Send him an email telling him the dates and then you have it in writing. I wouldn't underestimate him in terms of fighting for custody - I would assume that he will and plan accordingly - better to be prepared than not - have all your records up to date - keep logging all of his behaviours and comments. Mention your concerns about him going down this road with your solicitor and get his advice too. I hope it doesn't come to this but if it does it will have nothing to do with what he thinks is best for the children it will be a selfish way of spiting you.

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