Pregnant with DC2 but DP really angry towards my DD1 from previous relationship

[Tellie]

I don't know where to start but really need some advice. i have a wonderful DD who is 12 almost 13 from a previous relationship. I'm expecting DC2 with DP but he has become agresive and unreasnable IMO towards myself and DD1.

my DD is a good girl. does well at school, is mature and polite (most of the time) and is moving into teenage years well. her room is messy and she can eat us out of house and home but i see this as normal behavour. she helps out around the house (prehaps not to my standard but she does try)

My DP has some OCD issues... our home looks like a show home and god help us if anything is left lying around. he has started to become resentful towards my DD. he's constantly shouting at me about it, i came home tonight and he has gone mental because DD bed is unmade and she has left makeup laying around in her room.

the other week he smashed up our bedroom and flatscreen TV because the washing had not been done!!

i really don't know how to cope with this. he has never hurt me but he scares me, i'm 13 weeks pg and i'm terrified of how he will react when the baby is born.

[RandomMess]

Leave, he is only going to get worse.

[Doha]

Run for the hills.
There can be no happy ending here.

[oikopolis]

phone women's aid

pack a bag.

you need to leave.

your DD will suffer for the rest of her life if you force her to stay in this situation. don't do that to her, for the love of God.

your baby is not safe. abusive men frequently begin or escalate abuse during pregnancy. it starts with objects but eventually it changes.

you are not safe. refuge time. i am not kidding. you are in a dangerous situation and so are both your children.

[KirstyJC]

He scares you? He smashes things up? He hasn't hurt you.....yet.

Seriously, think how you would feel if your DD told you this was how her boyfriend treated her. What would you advise her to do?

Call Womens' Aid. Tell your midwife, or the domestic violence unit of your local police. (he doesn't actually have to be hitting you for it to be dv you know.....and better to prevent it becoming physical than deal with it once it has). Tell your family. Tell everyone and anyone who can help you. Then get a plan and get out of there with your DD BEFORE your baby is due. This will only get worse.

[HotDAMNlifeisgood]

He smashed up your bedroom because the washing had not been done.

He resents a child.

Seriously: leave.

[Iggly]

Leaving seems like an extreme reaction doesnt it?

But honestly, you need to walk away. When baby arrives, it will make it difficult for you to keep the place looking like a show home. You won't be able to see to all of his needs. Baby will come first. Can you imagine how he'll be when you've been looking after baby all day, you're tired and his dinner isn't ready? Or there's a stray nappy lying about?

Even if there was no baby, his anger towards your DD is not on. You need to think about your options and get out of there.

[MilitaryWag]

You owe it to your daughter as well as yourself to bin this r'ship. Seriously.... she has no choice but YOU do. Think of her in all of this. She must be your priority

[Codandchops]

I rarely jump into these threads but this situation is dreadful for you and your DD plus your unborn baby. He scares you and what you have written would scare me. Is the house yours? If so the. He needs to go TODAY!

[pictish]

Agree with the the others. He smashed up your bedroom and the tv??!!

Not. Good.

[Tellie]

it's both of ours. but i don't know how i would cope financially if i or he left. DD doesn't know whats going on, she actually really likes him and is so happy about the baby. it's me the anger is directed at because of DD. i try talking to him about it but he thinks his anger and opinions are valid.

I'm scared of him but even more scared of being on my own with a baby and bills i can not afford.

[londonone]

Leave.

Is this the first time he has behaved this way/shown this anger?

[londonone]

WTF are you doing having a child with someone you are scared of.

[oikopolis]

Tellie you cannot allow your fear of being alone/coping with bills cause you to put your children and yourself in harm's way.

he is going to end up injuring you. your DD will not be oblivious for long, once the baby arrives it will be impossible to ignore and she will suffer greatly for it. this is going to get worse and you can't allow that.

phone women's aid, they will help you. all is not lost. you will not starve without him. you will not die without him. but you WILL be apologising to your children for the rest of your life if you remain in this situation.

[Olympia2012]

You are putting money first here!

And don't kid yourself, your dd WILL know what's going on.

[Tellie]

Its only happened since we became PG. before that everything was fine. the PG was planned and wanted on both sides. so confused as to what to do

[londonone]

Leave as fast as you can. DV really really fucks children up. Leave for your daughter and your new baby if not for yourself, they deserve better.

[Theas18]

Get out. THis WILL damage your DD. You putting her first (and looking after yourself and unborn too) will give her such a powerful message as to how important she is to you and what is acceptable behaviour in relationships and what is not.

WAs your DDs dad violent?

[oikopolis]

Tellie it's very very common for abuse to start or escalate in pregnancy. pregnant women are 60% more likely to be physical DV victims.

PLEASE phone women's aid, please, i beg you, for the sake of your children. you can't let fear of loss of money rule this decision, safety is more important than money.

[gaunyerseljeannie]

Women's Aid will give you all the advice you need about finance , housing etc.
Please contact them and be safe.

[pictish]

Domestic abuse is often prompted by a pregnancy or the birth of a baby.

He reckons you won't leave now, so he can show you his true colours.

[ThatGhastlyWoman]

I agree with everyone else here. Please don't put your daughter through any more of this- my niece went through the same thing with my sister's husband, and it messed up her head, badly affected their relationship and significantly reduced her ability to cope with her school work. She is nearly 19 now, and I genuinely think she is going to have a lot of work to do, still, to get her life back on track.

My sister did end up kicking him out, but it took her three years from the birth of her third child and by then a lot of damage had been done.

[teatimesthree]

Poor poor DD. And poor you. You MUST leave. You will cope financially - as you did before he came along.

[Codandchops]

Tellie, take a look at the Womens Aid website or give them a ring and discuss this with someone. Often domestic violence appears for the first time in pregnancy or if it was there before it escalates. You say he has OCD issues which makes me think you have tiptoed around him to a certain extent to keep the peace before now....you might not even have realised you were doing this.

What is concerning is the smashing up of the bedroom and the TV - is your DD honestly oblivious to this? What does she think happened?

His behaviour to something this minor is very concerning and will only get worse - bills or not you need to be safe and that will only happen by giving you and your DD some space and telling him that his behaviour is totally unacceptable.

You say you are scared of him - that says it all to me.