I want to tell my toxic, insane, dysfunctional extraordinaire family I am sick of them

[springydaffs]

There you go: I want to let it all out once and for all. I want to list their m-a-n-y insane behaviours and wipe the floor with them. I want to call them names and generally shame them to their boots. I want to be rude and disgraceful.

I don't want to be decent or behave with dignity. I want to snort derision at them.

Which would be completely out of character

[snoopdogg]

Go on then.

[springydaffs]

ok I'll practise so I get it Just Right and don't leave one stone unturned.

I may be some time...

[snoopdogg]

Imagine stocks on your local green and think what you'd put on the sign listing their crime round each one's neck.

I find this a very therapeutic exercise.

[springydaffs]

It is just so ingrained in me not to though snoop. Like, JUDGE. And that's what I want to do, I want to judge them and find them wanting

I want to set up a judge and jury (ok, leave off the jury - I'll be the jury. and the judge. and God) and flay them alive.

[snoopdogg]

Ooh! A charge sheet! What would your punishments be?

[HotDAMNlifeisgood]

Springy - I think it's a great idea to let it out rudely and disgracefully ...in a letter you never send.

And THEN, if the thought of interacting with them still makes you sick, let it all out to them in person or in a real letter, with grace and dignity this time: using only "I" statements about your personal feelings, and criticising only their behaviours, not them as people -- as the best therapists and self-help books always teach us.

They'll react to that in the same way than if you had been rude and discgraceful, but at least you'll be able to hold your head high.

[wifey6]

springydaffs...I agree with hot. Let it all out in a letter you never send. remain the dignified one & never lower yourself to their level. Really hope you are ok.

[springydaffs]

I used to lie awake thinking of punishments for ex - it relaxed me and got me off to sleep. See, LOTS of anger buried underneath

As for the I statements - yy I know how to do those.. which go winging over their heads, confirmation that it is All My Fault (I feel that/when you... I feel). I'd like to do some good, solid YOU STATEMENTS.

[springydaffs]

Here we go

you are fat because you eat too much. It's not because you are big-boned or because your husband feeds you up or because you've got problems with your metabolism or our negligent, ignorant, awful, terrible mother overfed you when you were young: you have an eating disorder. As do I! But I know it and don't blame the universe. I do something about it, you could too! It's easy these days - all it takes is to let down that denial drawbridge.

you are married to an alcoholic. When you go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about his drinking, don't rear up all affronted when I inadvertently use the 'a' word and don't act like I've slapped you across the face. He's an alcoholic. Get that? AN ALCOHOLIC. Go to Al Anon, find out about alcoholism. And stop being an alcholic yourself - don't think I haven't noticed.

you have a chronic health problem because you are married to an alcoholic and you enable him because you need to get off your whiney arse and do something about it instead of complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining and complaining like the world owes you that nobody helps you, that health care professionals ignore special you and won't sort you out. When they suggest you do something, do it. Don't expect them to wave a magic wand and don't get all affronted that they aren't looking after Poor Old You. Also, could you stop getting the family running around after you and wringing their hands because of your health problem, when it would be quite simple to plain old address it yourself. You got addicted to analgesics because you take them at the first whiff of pain and you won't do even the basics to help yourself. Those extra glasses of wine? Every. single. time they make you ill, but you keep drinking them. I find you tiresome and I have no sympathy any more.

I know this is completely ridiculous, but when I suggest something that has been proven medically to go some way to alleviating the symptoms you experience, it may be (I know this is shocking) that it could be an idea for you to try it. You know, like try it out, just to see. Nothing ventured and all that.

you have been a SAH person for 25 years, which doesn't give you the right to pronounce judgements on me, who has had to work for a living and bring up my children alone in straitened circs. yy I get it, this wouldn't have happened to you - of course not! You're perfect! yy I get it that you have a perfect marriage, a perfect family, perfect children, perfect home, perfect dogs, perfect car, perfect holidays. your perfect son sexually abused someone so dear to me for years, unbeknownst to me, but I can't tell you that, because it's not my secret to tell and I have to let her come forward when she's ready. If she's ever ready. you wouldn't believe it anyway, you'd do that hate look, like I made it up just to get to you, that I was making trouble (it's odd how if I ever tell the truth, I'm Making Trouble). Because everybody is always trying to get to you, right? You need to hate them for ever and ever (and ever) - the hate needs to be kept alive at all costs. You're like one of them kids' toys: mention the name of Someone Who Has Offended You and you 'll say the very same thing, every time. Like pressing a button. You are also convinced that everybody is mentally ill. Some people you can't even stay in the same room with because they give you the heebies.

and dad! You're alright ain't ya mate! You had a job to do, like, be a father, but well, you comes first, right? You didn't even notice that it was your job to be a father, to actually care about and see to your family. As long as you had your servant our mother to slave after you and massage your revoltingly endless ego then you was alright! When your servant our mother gets sick, she's not doing it to spite you and you could go some way to actually looking after her. She's old now and she needs the heating on or she might die because she's old and it's cold - you don't need to put it on only when you're cold. I know she does that wrapping up thing really well like a bag lady in rags but she's old dad, she mustn't get too cold. You can afford the heating now - all that money you've squirrelled away, which no-one else sees the light of day.. of: only you, lavishly. She could also do with some nice clothes from proper shops. When you're shopping for your top of the range clothes, go into the womens dept with her and buy her something nice. yy I know she doesn't want a fuss, has not a drop of self-esteem. Maybe you could look at your part in that you selfish, entitled bastard bully.

and mother, you didn't leave your selfish brute of a husband because you were frightened to. Let's call it what it is eh and stop sweeping that little nugget under the fucking carpet. Yes mother, I said fuck. No, no, now come on, don't have a heart attack/stroke and stop weeping because you are so ashamed of how your daughter has turned out. yy I know that every possible negative characteristic in this family has come out in me, that I inherited them all which is jolly convenient for everybody isn't it mum? I've got some stunningly good and positive characteristics too, mother, but you're blind because you can't see the obvious.

ugly sisters: so sorry I turned out beautiful and clever and accomplished and popular. I needed you to love me, see, you sneering ugly bitches. oh and btw whiney - your husband leered after me because he is a cunt. I didn't lure him into my clutches - in fact, I was about as horrified as you, believe it or not (and you won't). I'm really sorry I was clever and did everything well. I tried not to, hid my light under a bush until it was too late and I missed my chances. ah well, I take that on the chin, it was my choice and I live with the consequences. I don't blame you, see. I grew up and took responsibility for my life. Unlike you.

Yo Bro! you are an alcoholic, married to an alcoholic (beg pardon, it is my favourite word today: there's a theme here). Your wife btw is as ignorant as shit. Sorry to say it. She is the most ignorant woman I have ever met in my life. Cliche, but she wins the prize, hands down: she is spectacularly ignorant and now, so are you. You are both toe-curlingly racist, for a start; and you do a lot of jeering, usually when you're (both) pissed. When we went on that long car journey and you, me and her were squished in the back, all that harumphing she did the entire way - hours of it that I was taking up all the space was in fact because she is a fat cow and a sad little bully. All that jeering she does at me, laughing like a dog (as though it's funny: it isn't) when we're all together as a family - I never liked it you know, it wasn't on.

'Dear' family, your behaviour has been so outrageous, so out there (and I haven't mentioned even a fraction of it, as you know. Or maybe you don't), I have been literally speechless, couldn't begin to find the words to express my shock at the things that actually happened, the things that went on and on and on and on. I think I should've got feral, like you like a pack animal and asserted my place somehow. Instead I kept quiet, bit my lip. Plus, the chance passed while I sat there, open-mouthed. Maybe, years ago, when we were small and the family was young, I could've staked my claim. I know this is sad but you got to me too much, confused me too much, hurt me too much, I was just arse about tit for years. Too many years tbh. I couldn't keep up.

Ah well, you are history now, I'm so glad to wave you off and at last see that insane charabanc, jeering and sneering, disappearing over the horizon without me on it (yay!). All the best you sad, sick, disgusting people. No, wait: you sad, sick, disgusting, outrageous, vile people. You insane, toxic, revolting people. Though 'people' is a bit rich because you're grotesques, caricatures, made up. (I wish you were made up!)

[springydaffs]

I should put that on chat on a boil thread.

[GodisaDj]

Ooooh I bet that feels much better

Boy, what a family

Have some

[hugglymugly]

Oh, springydaffs, I'm torn between giving you the biggest of hugs for having suffered all that, or donning my cheerleader outfit and ra-ra-ing you for beating all the odds and emerging as the beautiful person you are.

Do whatever's best for you. Either tell them what you've written here and then cut them out of your life; or just simply cut them out of your life.

[springydaffs]

Insane to put it on here! hello 250,000 people But there we go, I takes me chances. (apologies it is so self-indulgently long though )

thx for

[Animation]

Oh wow - good job!!

[McNaughty]

Hi Springy,

I know you from Dee's thread. We've got some corkers in my family and there does come a time when you have to walk away. You seem to have aquired the full set of bonkers relatives.

Good to get it out. Vent away, its a step towards being rid of them altogether. Its a huge sadness, but don't waste any more of your life on them. Its really not worth it.

The most important thing is what you want and do everything in your power to get to that place.

[Animation]

[ginmakesitallok]

That is undoubtedly the best rant I have ever seen on Mumsnet Well done you!!! emoticon

[pointythings]

Wishes for a [trophy] emoticon.

Brilliant.

[Dorsetyke]

Well done YOU! Even I feel better after that!

[FetchezLaVache]

On the basis of that stunning rant, I suspect you would snort derision superbly well! Go to it, Daffs!

[MissLofPubia]

Please send that letter! You send one so will I 'Dear Bio-Daddy. You're a cunt. That is all. Love Me xxx'

[MsF1t]

Excellent rant. 'Insane charabanc' is my particular favourite. :)

[springydaffs]

why thank you. ah hem.

I didn't plan it, I swear. Even when I started the thread, I didn't plan to explode. I was googling tremours as in bodily tremours (or is it tremors? been looking at american sites!) because I have developed a tremour. It's not parkinsons but years ago I told a therapist, when the first signs of it appeared, that it felt like a boiling kettle with a rattling lid.

never a truer word!!

I read that tremours of this kind develop because of unresolved anxiety. Now, I've had years of therapy but the rage is buried SO deep (there's more to the story... ) and tbh I think I just need to get all the bile out instead of talking about it iygwim?

[HotDAMNlifeisgood]

That was beautiful.

[snoopdogg]

well done springy, now breeeeeeeeath x