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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I think I've decided I can't be arsed to find ''the one''.

100 replies

toptramp · 23/07/2011 23:38

I am so bored of the dating scene. I am bored of having to make myself ''pleasing'' too men. i'm bored of the games, the agonising, the abusive control freaks and the assumption that I must be looking for a husband.
I wouldn't mind the occasional shag but even that can be overrated and i am pretty sure that I don't want more kids. I think I want to take up pottery again and just get really into art, focus on dd, being myself and my spiritual path. I am so bored of this assumption that we have to be in a couple to be fullfiled and I'm fed up of getting hurt. I will probably be on here winging again soon about how I can't keep a man but at the moment I am not at all lonely without one in my life.

OP posts:

Report

toptramp · 23/07/2011 23:45

I want to embrace ''spinsterhood'' I bloody hate the word spinstre by the way as it is so sexist. I mean I want to embrace bachelortettehood!

OP posts:

moonferret · 23/07/2011 23:48

Thanks for that toptramp. Maybe the men are bored of those things too? Why do you get hurt? Because you allow yourself to..
And here endeth today's lesson.

threefeethighandrising · 23/07/2011 23:49

"I think I want to take up pottery again and just get really into art, focus on dd, being myself and my spiritual path." Sounds lovely

BitOfFun · 23/07/2011 23:50

Bachelorette sounds tacky. You don't wear L plates and angel wings, do you? But I think that deciding to just be you and do stuff that makes you happy is pretty sound.

threefeethighandrising · 23/07/2011 23:53

Do you know Tim Minchin? His song is a great song about how the idea of "the one" is bollocks.

Not exactly about what you were saying really but I thought it might make you smile

Bandwithering · 23/07/2011 23:53

Yeah. I feel I wasted my twenties trying to find the one. wasted my thirties with a bully.

Society is so tediously couple-centric alright. People say 'you'll meet somebody one day' as if you're broken and on the waiting list to be mended.

I need to save, work, plan, raise kids, live - without a man because that's how my life has shaped up it seems....................

squidsgirl · 23/07/2011 23:54

I've been out this evening on an internet date. It lasted a total of 34 minutes! I think I may well be joining you

BitOfFun · 23/07/2011 23:55

Tell is about the date, squidsgirl? Was it just awful?

Bandwithering · 23/07/2011 23:55

bachelorette?! Just embrace being a PERSON. At this point, my identity couldn't cope with being one half of a solid couple. It'd be so at odds with my feeling of being whole, independent, alone in that respect.

toptramp · 23/07/2011 23:59

True. It dosn't really need a label. Being a person is good enough.
Moonferret; did you get up on the wrong side of bed?
I think it's the whole thing about having to be ''pleasing'' to men. I don't want to be something I'm not and I genuinely think I would be a shit wife and girldfriend as I won't pander to anyone's ego. From now on I'm going to jolly well please myself (and dd and possibly my other loved ones). And here endeth today's rant!

OP posts:

adamschic · 24/07/2011 00:01

Go for it, with the pottery and stuff, sounds wonderful.

I'm single and have been for donkeys, not sure why, might be because I'm ugly!

Have a few friends with benefits on the back boiler, men often come onto me but I don't often fall for people so don't get hurt. Maybe just hardened to it all as I have been badly hurt in the past. That could be because I was ugly in the past.

Sounds like you have come to a realisation.

nenevomito · 24/07/2011 00:03

I'm supposedly married to the one. Excuse me while I laugh. Pottery sounds like a bloody good idea to me.

GothAnneGeddes · 24/07/2011 00:03

Toptramp - good for you. It sounds lovely and I wish you all the best.

moonferret · 24/07/2011 00:04

Moonferret; did you get up on the wrong side of bed?

No, did you?

TheSecondComing · 24/07/2011 00:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squidsgirl · 24/07/2011 00:08

It was so awful that I'm still cringing now! Photos that must have been at least 15 years old, at least 4 stone heavier than stated and the biggest most self obsessed bore out! Worst part was that people were actually looking over at us and I ended up slinking lower down in my chair trying to hide!

And of course I've received shitty texts since as to what my reasons were for knocking him back even though I tried very hard to knock him back gently!

adamschic · 24/07/2011 00:22

Squids, sounds awful, what a prick. Tell him he misrepresented himself. Well done for getting away so quickly.

I have been on some dud dates but managed to be polite and stick it out for an hour and a half. Decided not to go on any more unless I really fancy the photo, enjoy the email correspondence, a webcam chat and one phone convo before I waste my time going on an actual date.

That also gives them the chance to back out, in case I freak them out.

Gay40 · 24/07/2011 00:41

I'm sickening in love with DP, and she is the one, but if we unfortunately had to go our seperate ways, I don't think I'd bother with another relationship. Not because I don't think there'd be another One. I just think I couldn't be arsed going through it again. I'd just have lots of sex with other folk, no strings.

AnnieLobeseder · 24/07/2011 00:48

I'm really not sure why society wants to push everyone in a couple. Especially women, because of course we all need a man to look after us!

I'm happily married, but I sometimes wish I were single and childless. I'm a loner by nature and having to spend so much of my time and energy on my family can be a real strain. But if I were single, I bet I'd be longing for a family!

Grass is always greener, huh?

I doubt anyone finds 'the one' when they're looking anyway. True love tends to sneak up on you when you least expect it. I found DH up a date tree in Israel! Who'd have thought?!

BitOfFun · 24/07/2011 00:57

Oh Gay40, have you split up? I am sorry to hear that

jasper · 24/07/2011 01:02

great discussion. OP. I do relate. I have no idea why the world seems mostly in pairs. Defies logic. Lots of them are miserable

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 24/07/2011 01:10

I wish I could give up hoping. I only know two straight single men and I don't handle being alone well. Just some company would be wonderful.

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AnnieLobeseder · 24/07/2011 01:13

BoF - no, that's what I thought at first but I missed the all-important "if DP we unfortunately...."

BitOfFun · 24/07/2011 01:21

Oh yes, I misread it. Phew!

garlicbutter · 24/07/2011 02:21

Annie - I found DH up a date tree in Israel! So you were dating, huh?
Sorry, couldn't resist!

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