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I'm finding it difficult not to compare my ds with his classmates

(95 Posts)
Freakbag Tue 17-Jan-17 22:33:32

There are only 11 pupils in ds year. It's a small village school, only 50 odd in the school as a whole.
The village is small so everyone knows eachother, 4 out of the 11 live on the same road!

Most of the children in ds class I have interacted with, they have been to my house I have socialised with their parents. I also volunteer for reading sessions at the school.

I have an idea of how most of the kids in ds school are doing academically. I know that ds is one of the lower achievers in the class.

In my head I am stressed because ds isn't up to the same standard. I need to overcome this as it's driving me mental.

I get frustrated & stressed when he lacks any enthusiasm to do his reading or maths at home because I am imagining all the orher kids in his class reading fluently and keenly to their parents.

Rationally I know they all develop at their own pace and I certainly don't want to push ds and make him resent learning. I want him to have fun, learn whilst playing and doing his own thing but I'm feeling the pressure.

I feel awful and need a slap

Freakbag Tue 17-Jan-17 22:34:32

Most of the kids in his class, not the school! hmm

BarbarianMum Tue 17-Jan-17 22:40:00

How old is he?

Freakbag Tue 17-Jan-17 22:44:05

Sorry, he's 7, in yr2

Coconut0il Tue 17-Jan-17 22:44:54

It's natural to compare but I think the key thing is never say it to him. The important thing is that he is making progress. Praise that.
He will do things at his own pace. He may never be academic but everyone is good at something.

Coconut0il Tue 17-Jan-17 22:47:02

From y2 my DS1 used to moan for about 30 mins before he would read one page of his reading book at home confusedHe was a nightmare!

Freakbag Tue 17-Jan-17 22:49:43

Sounds like my ds coconut we manage a page a night of a yellow stage 3 book and you'd think I'd asked him to recite shakespeare

ExplodedCloud Tue 17-Jan-17 22:53:23

You say you're imagining. I have a ds Y1 who is brilliant and committed to practising the things he enjoys. Reading isn't one of them. He's not going to be a sit down person. DH is the same.

ExplodedCloud Tue 17-Jan-17 22:54:41

Oh god the despair and injustice at reading a book. I share your pain...

Freakbag Tue 17-Jan-17 23:17:26

I think, because it's a small class the differences between the children's abilities are noticed more. But if there were 30 in the class then there would be more at ds level so I wouldn't feel so pressured.

mrz Wed 18-Jan-17 06:36:34

Have you spoken to the school about your concerns?

irvineoneohone Wed 18-Jan-17 07:06:35

Yellow level(reception level) at yr2, I would be concerned. I would speak to school/teacher.

Coconut0il Wed 18-Jan-17 07:18:39

Like you say yellow level is at the lower end for year 2 but focus on your DS' progress. It doesn't matter if another child is on purple/gold/white. Reading may come easy to them. You just want your DS to progress. Speak to the school, see how often he's reading there.

Freakbag Wed 18-Jan-17 07:38:39

I know yellow is a low level, this is half my stress! I know he can do it he just doesn't put his mind to it.
He has intervention at school with extra phonics work, which also comes home. They are helping him but he also needs to help himself!

mrz Wed 18-Jan-17 07:40:15

I'm afraid at that level he is going to struggle to access the KS2 curriculum. I would hope the school are taking steps to support him.

Devilishpyjamas Wed 18-Jan-17 07:43:02

Build him up - he may well have noticed the differences. Ds3 has just moved from a year group of 12 (primary) to one of 120 (secondary). He has discovered that he is actually quite clever (his group of 12 was a very bright group of 12) and seems stunned to find out he isn't stupid. His confidence has soared.

OutwiththeOutCrowd Wed 18-Jan-17 08:20:27

Freakbag I can sympathise. It’s hard when you have a DC who is behind the curve in some way. My own DS was a late talker and I used to feel rather down when we were in the company of other small children who all sounded impossibly eloquent in comparison.

It's clear you are keenly aware of what your DS is struggling with - but there must be activities he enjoys and is good at as well. Does he like constructing things out of Lego, for example? Of course it’s right to help and encourage him to overcome whatever difficulties he is experiencing academically but, to boost your morale and his, recognise and nurture his strengths too.

irvineoneohone Wed 18-Jan-17 08:30:36

If he is reluctant to read books, have you tried magazines, comics, etc?

Freakbag Wed 18-Jan-17 08:32:44

I Know that mrz

Thanks outwith he's very good at learning facts. Knows an exceptional amount about dinosaurs and prehistoric animals. Loves lego, is very socialble very sporty. But that's not going to help him in school.

Freakbag Wed 18-Jan-17 08:34:39

Yes irvine the only books he enjoys are factbooks from the library about specific animals, mainly dinos, sharks & reptiles. But they're too advanced and there's too much writing. I have to read quite a bit for him. He loves me reading to him, which I done from dot

irvineoneohone Wed 18-Jan-17 08:50:56

How about some online learning games?

www.topmarks.co.uk/english-games/5-7-years/learning-to-read

Helspopje Wed 18-Jan-17 08:55:29

I think it is not unusual for the focus to switch from getting the words out to comprehension beyond yr. It may be that the lower band books are being used to question understanding and inference which are very different skills

FinallyHere Wed 18-Jan-17 09:07:33

Find a way to make it fun for him, rather than something he knows he isnt good at and so hates. Success breeds success. Let go any notice of what he should be achieving and concentrate on building confidence in what he does know. Rein in your impatience, it will all come good.

Could you get him to teach you what he had learned, and let you be impressed by his capability? You will be astonished by the difference it would make. All the very best.

TeenAndTween Wed 18-Jan-17 09:08:50

Not the main part of your post, but have you tried listening to reading in the morning when DS is feeling fresher?

OutwiththeOutCrowd Wed 18-Jan-17 09:28:10

I wonder if you and your DS are suffering from Biff and Chip fatigue? Sometimes very basic books just aren’t that interesting.

Don’t give up on the school readers but keep reading the dinosaur and other factual books with him too and point to the words as you go along. Look on Amazon for easy-read books about dinosaurs and other topics that interest him. Ask him to copy dinosaur names with scrabble letters. Take him to a museum and read out the captions of the exhibits. Get him to help you decode as much as he can, even just the odd little word here and there to start with.

Learning to read ought to be an enjoyable experience – for both of you!

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