I’m Canadian and am currently in the uk spending time with my boyfriend of almost a year. I wasn’t planning on returning to Canada until mid Jan.
When I return to Canada I will have to find a place to live, as I couldn’t afford high Toronto rent while travelling abroad. The plan is to get a place, work for awhile while he is paying down a debt in the uk, then have him come over, get married and sponsored.
We are both 33. I found out two days ago that I’m pregnant. I have always wanted a child but never thought it would happen, as I have a bicornate uterus and some other medical issues. When I saw the test I was shocked, we used condoms for the most part, and pull out method twice. Big mistake.
I don’t know how to feel or what to do. I’m rational and pro choice, I would have been excited and yet still terrified if he was happy or atleast excited when he found out but he wasn’t. He wants an abortion and tells me multiple time’s a day. He says he’s not ready, he can’t afford a kid right now and he is looking forward to us to enjoy the beginning of our marriage without the stress of a baby.
He does say he wants children with me when we are both financially stable and he has a job in Canada. I respect and even agree with a lot of his reasoning. It makes sense.
This is my first pregnancy and I’m scared it will be my only chance to have a child. I don’t know if that is the right reason to have a child. I have a job in Canada that I love but it’s physically demanding and long days with unpredictable hours. I am very much in love with this man and I want to spend my life with him, but he is so adamant that he doesn’t want this right now that I feel if I keep the baby I will be doing it on my own which will be a massive struggle.
I keep flip flopping, this is the most important decision of my life. My mother is very supportive and agrees with whatever decision I make as long as it’s mine. She confessed that she had an abortion prior to having me and it still haunts her at times, I already know that an abortion will be extremely tolling on me emotionally. I feel I will regret either decision at this point. I would be eternally grateful for any insight, advice or even past experiences any one is willing to share.
One more major concern I have is that since I’m in the uk I can’t access any medical assistance without costing a lot of money, a scan for example is 1000£ which is almost 2000 cad. I haven’t had blood work in awhile and have suffered from an eating disorder and a lot of grief over the past 1.5 years. I don’t know if the baby is ok or If I’m healthy enough to have it. I stopped smoking when I found out and am going to take vitamins tomorrow in case I decide to keep it. Apparently this bicornate (heart shaped) uterus increases birth defects by 4%
It’s hard to make an informed decision with so many emotions. I don’t want to lose my relationship, my job or independence to a degree, but I also don’t want to miss out on the opportunity to be a parent. Part of me thinks I will never forgive myself if I have n abortion, but I also don’t think I could forgive myself if I rob us of the opportunity to have a secure future with the possibility of children.
I know this is a novel, I appreciate your time and any feedback.
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Pregnancy
Terrified, 4 weeks pregnant
92 replies
Boooop · 08/12/2019 00:34
OP posts:
Am I being unreasonable?
43 votes. Final results.
POLL
You are being unreasonable
14%
You are NOT being unreasonable
86%
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