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Pregnancy

Should I find out the gender or not with DC2?

93 replies

halfpint76 · 09/09/2013 08:35

Hi, we have our scan on Friday and we (well, I, really) just can't decide whether to find out the gender. It's our second baby, and we chose not to find out with the first. In a weird way I am worried it might jinx it if I find out (as DC1 was a healthy, fairly easy baby and I had a very straightforward labour). (Weird logic, I know! but that's how my brain works!!)

My husband's quite keen to find out and I definitely can see the benefits (in terms of choosing a name, sorting out clothes etc).

Also, it took me a while to get used to the name we gave DC1 - I felt we decided too quickly (husband is a nightmare with names :-( and I did feel I compromised a bit). I obvioulsy can't imagine DC1 being called anything else now but I do remember those feelings of regret in those first few weeks.

We've decided that if we do find out the gender we'll just keep it to ourselves so that's it's still a bit special.

Just wanted to know what you did? Did you regret it? Pros/cons of finding out.

My indecision is driving me and DP nuts!!

OP posts:

Report

TKKW · 09/09/2013 08:48

We will, well actually, its me who wants to! I want to be able to visualise/ think about my family.

We already have a little girl, so I really want to know what number 2 will be. Im already daydreaming about our children and whether they will share or who will have the small bedroom!! Either way, I'll be delighted as the anomaly scan is a major important one!

Also, naming our child wont be as rushed.

You wont jinx it. Jinxing, I don't think, has been scientifically proven! But you know this already.

I think we will find out and tell our little girl too so it feels more real for her.

Im glad we found out with number 1 as it gave me time to prepare more mentally for her arrival.

Roshbegosh · 09/09/2013 08:56

This is the least important information that the scan will find out so remember either way it is only the gender and you are having a medical examination. Fingers crossed all will go well.

Cjilly · 09/09/2013 08:59

I am in the same situation. DH doesn't want to know at all (he was so gutted when DC1 turned out to be a boy but by month 7 he got over it) and he really wants a girl so in case DC2 is another boy, he'd rather find out when the baby is born because "I'll be too happy to finally meet a healthy and beautiful baby to be focused on it's gender"

I really want to know so that I can plan things properly, but I don't intend to tell anyone. Only time will tell really.. One day, I desperately want to know, the next I want it to be a surprise.. but I hate waiting and I hate surprises more!

Foxeym · 09/09/2013 09:15

I wanted to know and my DP didn't so the compromise was he left the room and the sonographer told me the sex. I'm now 34 weeks and I have still managed to keep the gender a secret (although I have had to find some good hiding places for some purchases) :)

halfpint76 · 09/09/2013 09:16

Thanks for responses so far.

Roshbegosh - Of course I know this is the least important part of the scan - Like every expectant mother I am well aware of how serious the scan is in monitoring my baby's health and development.

My question was specifically about people's experiences about finding out the gender.

OP posts:

PeacockPlumage · 09/09/2013 09:28

We didn't find out with dd1 or 2, but have agreed that if we're lucky enough to have dc3 we would find out.

Partly because some people were so rude about dd2 not being a boy, and I'd want to be able to head that off at the pass, "we're so thrilled to be having another girl, great that we've got all the clothes" etc. Partly to help the dds prepare as they would be school age and might have preferences that need managong. Partly to deal with the naming which has felt rushes in the past, and partly because I didn't find finding out after labour that great or exciting, more glad they're out!

Iamcountingto3 · 09/09/2013 09:34

We didn't find out with either of ours - with our first I didn't want to, with our second, I could see the practical advantages, but dh wasn't keen (he felt that cutting the cord & finding the sex had been an amazing part of the first birth (& one of the few things he could do!) & I was happy to go with that.

What is it that makes your husband want to know?

Ito names, dh and I had narrowed down a few names (for each gender) but with dd (our second) we weren't so fixed on one name, so waited 48 hours before agreeing the name. Other friends have waited literally days before deciding on a name. Could you agree with dh that you don't confirm the name for the first day or two, to give it time to settle? I think it's very hard to make rational decisions straight after birth!

halfpint76 · 09/09/2013 11:25

Hi, thanks everyone, that has helped. Like you Cjilly I know I'll probably still change my mind about 70 times this week!

Going to have a chat with DP tonight as I do think it's the naming issue that worries me the most to be honest. He's really just fixed on one name for a boy (which I do like but don't love as much as I used to).

PeacockPlumage I felt exactly the same after labour first time round - finding out the sex wasn't that exciting really - I was so exhausted and was just so glad the baby'd arrived safely! So maybe it will be more of an "event" if we find out at the scan.

And Iamcountingto3 I totally agree - I am definitely going to wait a day or 2 at least before we announce the baby's name this time - very wise :-)
Thanks guys!

OP posts:

roweeena · 09/09/2013 12:10

I'm on pregnancy two and not found out with either - I wouldn'tliketoknow as it builds the anticipation for me, but I know I'm probably a bit old fashioned with this as everyone else i know seems to find out.

I think my DH may have liked to know but I definitely wouldn't, ok it would maybe make life easier as I would know if I really needed to wash all my DS'sold clothes or not but I think if I knew the sex then I would have already chosen a name by now and then it is just a bit of a boring waiting game for the rest of the pregnancy.

I don't know how it would be possible to know the sex and not tell people - I think thats a bit wierd' surely people will figure it out from the things you are buying in preparation. Either find out or don't, half measures doesn't make sense to me!

Fakebook · 09/09/2013 12:35

I don't like suprises and like to plan everything so found out with the second and third. My first baby was always in a weird position during scans and we weren't able to find out, but I knew she was a girl.

charlottesweb87 · 09/09/2013 12:38

I had my 20 week scan last week and it was amazing to find out! My dh got really emotional and held my hand as he really want a boy and he's got one I don't feel it has spoilt anything and I feel I can get prepared now for our little boy to arrive. Plus John Lewis have the cutest boys clothes and we can finally buy some and that's really exciting.

Yes it would of been amazing to find out at the birth too but I just feel like this is an earlier surprise instead & now I can't wait to meet him!

Sleepthief · 09/09/2013 13:15

Having done both - found out with DC1 and DC2, but not with DC3 - we decided to find out again with DC4. There was honestly no advantage to not finding out in my experience and the sex of the baby was absolutely the least of the birth! I completely understand why some don't want to find out, but it really pisses me off when they denigrate those who do - was gobsmacked to see it described as 'chavvy' on here . To each his/her own...

halfpint76 · 09/09/2013 13:41

I don't think it's weird or a half measure if we decide to find out but then don't tell everyone else - it will be our happy little secret and not something we feel obligated to tell other people. And as seen on this post, some manage to even keep it from their own partners. Each to their own

I can't believe someone described finding out the gender as "chaavy" OMG, really??

OP posts:

mycatlikestwiglets · 09/09/2013 14:53

I'm 33 weeks with DC2 and found out the sex this time (didn't last time). I wanted to know whether to keep all my DS' old clothes or not, and I also felt it would be nice for DS (2.8) to prepare for the arrival of a brother/sister rather than "a baby". Having said that, I still have a residual fear that the sonographer got it wrong so I haven't really bought anything for the new baby (apparently a girl) yet!

I have no regrets about having found out even though I loved the surprise of finding out that DS was a boy when he was born. I just felt that it would make me more prepared this time - that's about all the preparation I have done though so far!

DaleyBump · 09/09/2013 15:31

I'm pregnant with DC1 and I love knowing that I'm having a little boy. It really helps me picture what my family is going to be like really soon.

CrispyFB · 09/09/2013 16:28

I love finding out! Some of the best bits are knowing which clothes you can buy (yes, you can get gender neutral, but it's rather limiting) and going shopping in the weeks beforehand.. bringing that excitement forward a little bit! And it's not as easy to go shopping post birth, especially if a c-section is involved.

I also bond a lot better with baby once I know what flavour they are.

I find out when I hopefully get my Harmony results (terrified about these!) on Friday.. I'll only be 12 weeks. It seems insane knowing this early, I'm so used to waiting until the 20 week scan. I won't be buying anything, assuming the results are good, for a LOT longer though!

enjolraslove · 09/09/2013 20:14

We didn't find out at 20 weeks with dc2 (or with dc1) then had another scan at 32 weeks and our dd asked why we didn't know and wanted to know what it was. We then found out and it has been brilliant particularly for dd. it has really helped her to get excited and happy about it so although I still think a surprise is lovely the positive effect it has had on dd makes me very glad we asked!

Catsize · 09/09/2013 21:04

Interested in this thread, as we are wondering the same. Hadn't thought about maybe finding out at a later scan, but I am due to have one at 35 weeks, as I lost my waters without realising with DS and he was without water for goodness knows how long. Hmmm! More thinking...

TarkaTheOtter · 10/09/2013 09:43

We haven't for exactly the same reason as you said in your OP - we didn't last time and everything went well. I'm personally not keen on finding out and then keeping it a secret - if I'm honest it seems a bit attention seeking - but it's an option lots of people I know have taken.

MrsEricBana · 10/09/2013 10:14

We did find out with ds and it was wonderful as I had his name picked out, room ready etc and I felt I was waiting for him and that he was finally here etc. With dc2 (dd) we didn't find out as we thought a surprise might be nice. It wasn't. Not knowing added nothing on the day but I struggled with choice of her name and in retrospect I would have liked any girl related preparations to have been done in advance. Having said that, some people love the surprise but honestly knowing earlier would have been lovely and I don't think I would have lost anything on the day.

Fairydogmother · 10/09/2013 10:25

We found out at 16 weeks that we are expecting a boy and I'm very glad we did. He will be the first boy born for about 4 generations and my mother still can't get her head around it - declaring that boys give her the creeps?!

It's helped us both bond a little easier - first child - but we haven't told anybody other than v close family and friends what the sex is. As long as people don't go about saying o I know what the sex is but I'm not telling you I can't see how that's attention seeking!

Iwaswatchingthat · 10/09/2013 10:39

We did not find out either time.

We figured that we would know the sex for the rest of our lives so what's twenty weeks in the grand scheme of things!

I can remember the thrill of DH telling me dd2 was a girl. So exciting as it was what we had both secretly hoped for. Much better IMO than being told by a stranger at a scan when you can't hold your little boy or girl for another twenty weeks.

As for the name we just chose a boy and a girl one. No rushing.

Also, they can get it wrong, not often, but it does happen.

Some secrets of the womb should be kept......

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Weegiemum · 10/09/2013 10:41

Didn't find out (actually wasn't possible, our hospital wouldn't tell) but very glad we don't. The surprise on the day was awesome.

Seaweedy · 10/09/2013 10:42

I get impatient with the notion that finding out the baby's sex and not telling is 'attention-seeking'. Why on earth would keeping any piece of information discovered at a scan - whether it is a medical issue or the baby's sex - be 'attention seeking'? It's not as if you are skipping about in the corridors at working singing 'Na na na na na! I know something you don't know!'

We found out our child was a boy at the twenty-week scan, and I was very glad that I knew, as it turned out I had entirely unconsciously thought it was a girl, and it gave me some time to get used to the fact of having a son, who is now a year and a half and wonderful. The fact of him arriving was quite astonishing enough without any further surprise being needed. It was also nice to have some time to think specifically about male names, as we had had far more difficulty on that score than on female names, as there was one we both liked from the outset.

shrinkingnora · 10/09/2013 10:47

It's a surprise whenever you find out, be it 20 weeks or in the delivery room. I personally didn't for all three but many of my friends did for varying reasons. Some told other people, some didn't. Just do what feels comfortable for you.

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