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Can I give her back?

(144 Posts)
CleanAllTheThings Wed 11-Sep-13 21:08:38

Really struggling tonight. Baby is 10 days old and has been on my breasts since 2 this afternoon. She isn't sucking properly or swallowing but I can't put her down or even move her away from the nipple into my arms for a cuddle. When oh takes her she just screams until she is back on the breast.
We struggled to get feeding established and when she was weighed at day 5 she had lost 11%. Midwife not concerned, weighed again yesterday and she has gained but still not up to birth weight. They still aren't bothered and we aren't being seen again until discharge on 23rd.
She feeds quite well in the day and usually cluster feeds for two or three hours late afternoon, but today it has been relentless. I cant move her, I can't feed laying down to get some rest and I just wish someone would take her away for the night.
Everyone keeps telling me that feeding is going well and I'm doing great but how can I be?
I have a carton of formula that I'm tempted to give but not sure if it would even help because she would still want to be held constantly? Tried to lay down in bed with her just now but that wasn't good enough.

What do I do? It's only 9 and im dreading the rest of the night. I can't do this.why did I ever want to have a baby.

Please help

PacificDogwood Wed 11-Sep-13 21:15:50

Ah, you poor thing, Clean, I feel for you.
I've been there, bought the t-shirt and did it all again (I have 4 boys).

Some babies are like that, little Kling-ons who Will Not Be Put Down. It is very hard, particularly when you don't enjoy having her on you all the time.
Is there anybody who can hold her for you for a while? Do you have a partner or parents who can give you a bit of peace? Will she settle in the pram? Have you tried a sling? Slings are very good for fathers too btw... Can you feed lying down?? Have you considered safe co-sleeping??

You may not feel it just now, but you are doing a great job.
If giving her one feed of formula saves your sanity, then give it - it will NOT ruin your BFing relationship if you want it to continue.

She is only tiny, try just to keep going for the next feed. And then the next... and so on.

I can wax lyrically for hours about the high-needs/fussy baby. Yes, sometimes it's colic, and sometimes it's reflux, but sometimes it's simply babies who want to be held a lot.

She WILL get bigger and older and more mature and things will get easier. They will, honest. Do what you have to just now to keep yourself coping.

PacificDogwood Wed 11-Sep-13 21:16:36

Oh, and I forgot, congratulations on the arrival of your daughter smilethanks

SweetSeraphim Wed 11-Sep-13 21:18:42

I have no advice for you, I ff both of mine, and would advocate that in your situation, you need some rest. However, ff babies is rather frowned upon on a lot of forums.

I'm so sorry for you. I remember it like it was yesterday and my youngest is 8 now. It WILL get better, I promise thanks

IBakeThereforeIAm Wed 11-Sep-13 21:20:16

I don't have the magic answer, but if she 'feeds quite well in the day' you sound like breastfeeding IS going well :-)

It might be a growth spurt - check kellymom for details - really helpful website. Un-mumsnetty hugs for you x

CoteDAzur Wed 11-Sep-13 21:20:32

Give her a dummy.

Sarahlundismyhero Wed 11-Sep-13 21:21:00

Ahh read your post OP and know what you are going through - you will get through it-some nights they just want to feed non stop, you got to just go with it like you sound like you are doing. You are doing a great job esp if baby is putting on weight.. Still being only 2 weeks old, such early days. ....I know you feel like you want someone to take the baby off you but baby needs you-- can you give her some more and then hand her to your oh to deal with while you take a bath / walk whatever you need ??? Sorry cant help more but just to say I'm thinking of you- I have 3 ds, and recall those days with amazing clarity.. The tears, the not knowing whether you are doing it right,especially when it's ur first baby. Keep going. You can do this

HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm Wed 11-Sep-13 21:23:30

pacific speaks sense there. I gave both mine a bottle of formula in the early days, I was just exhausted and they were desperate. It can become a vicious circle, when you get tired you produce less milk... DS had 1 bottle and was otherwise BF til 7.5m, DD had 2 bottles and is otherwise ebf now at 4m. A bottle of formula won't make any odds long term but may give you a break.

Also, have a look at kellymom for great breastfeeding tips and solutions. And there's the feeding section on here where there are usually some very experienced breastfeeders to give advice.

I would really work on feeding lying down, google pictures of how to latch. It's a total lifesaver.

notanyanymore Wed 11-Sep-13 21:24:08

Hi clean I've been there 2 (3 bf'd babies) 10 days old is when they do this! Its not indicative of a clingy baby but a prelude to a growth spurt (ensures the milks in for when they need it) it'll pass in a day or two. For me, co-sleeping was my saviour! if she won't latch on straight off with you lying on your side and her facing you, try a good grip and a rigorous bum pat! (Obviously, remove pillows etc, I used a small cushion so if I moved my head would fall off and it'd wake me up, I never did move tho!) It is worth sticking with it in IME. And if you can get the hang of it now it'll be much easier when she gets her second one at about 6 weeks!

mamabrownbear Wed 11-Sep-13 21:25:14

Congrats on your wee one. I've been there. Our DD lost 15% of her weight and we ended up back in hospital and I had to give her formula. I wasn't producing much milk ( due to stress, painkillers and laxatives I think) plus she was struggling to latch on.
Once I expressed lots so I knew I was producing enough to feed her, while supplementing with formula I was also given a nipple shield which helped her latch on and we've never had a problem with breast feeding since.
It's takers a while to move to more Breast Milk than formula but to be honest it's not been a problem, she takes both happily which means DH can help out if I really need sleep and when I'm out and about because I don't feel very comfy wiping out my boobs in pulic!

Best of both worlds I think, booby and formula milk. It will keep you sane and more rested and the more rested and sane you feel the more lovely booby milk you will produce and eventually it will be all booby and so little formula...good luck, it gets easier x

SweetSeraphim Wed 11-Sep-13 21:25:15

Do you have anyone that could take her for a few hours so that you can have a good sleep?

joanofarchitrave Wed 11-Sep-13 21:29:11

I'm bumping for you because there are people on here who will be able to help - I'm not much use but I do feel for you so much. Have you put in a call to one of the breastfeeding helplines, have they been any use?

NCT Breastfeeding Line 0300 330 0771 8am - 10pm seven days a week

Association of Breastfeeding Mothers 08444 122 949 9.30am - 10.30pm every day

Breastfeeding Network Supporterline 0844 412 4664 9.30am - 9.30pm every day of the year

La Leche League 0845 120 2918

sittinginthesun Wed 11-Sep-13 21:30:21

10 day growth spurt!!! it's a nightmare, but it will pass.

With ds1, I completely cracked (bad delivery, still wasn't able to sit, had been up every hour for 10 days). I sat in the bath and cried for 3 hours whilst DH gave DS a bottle of formula.

I was better prepared with ds2, so expected it, but it was hard.

Just assume you are going to do nothing but feed for 24 hours, and it will pass.

CoteDAzur Wed 11-Sep-13 21:31:17

Forget La Leche League. If your baby has been on your breast for 7 hours non-stop, it means she is using you as a dummy.

Just give her a dummy.

CleanAllTheThings Wed 11-Sep-13 21:32:17

She has fallen asleep but I daren't move. My oh is exhausted too, he managed to get her to sleep for half an hour and i had a short break to rest my eyes but she woke as soon as he put her down. I've told him to get some rest so we aren't both frazzled but he doesn't want to leave me downstairs.

Can't manage feeding lying down. Tried lying down with her in bed to sleep but she still woke as soon as her head hit the mattress.

I managed to hand express a little bit of milk so may try cup feeding her later. I don't think being hungry is the issue though!

mamabrownbear Wed 11-Sep-13 21:33:16

Jeezo, sorry about all the typos in my last post! Meant to say, I agree with a previous poster, somehow after 6 weeks is does get much better...x

EhricLovesTeamQhuay Wed 11-Sep-13 21:34:43

Have you tried a dummy?

SweetSeraphim Wed 11-Sep-13 21:35:23

It isn't, it's comfort. Imo. I agree with Cote, get her a dummy. You poor thing sad My dd is 15 now, but I can remember when she was about the same age, I thought I might have to have her adopted! I honestly couldn't cope, parenthood hit me like a brick, and I was 27!

CleanAllTheThings Wed 11-Sep-13 21:38:34

I've been reluctant to try the dummy because worried it would affect supply but might just have to see if it works.

OohMrDarcy Wed 11-Sep-13 21:39:28

I've been there and its exhausting!

DS lost 12% of his weight and took 4 weeks to regain his birth weight (which was hefty to be fair!)

I do recall a growth spurt at 10 days which left me feeling like I was nothing more than a milk machine... but it does pass - it will, just have lots of drinks to keep your fluids up, porridge or flapjack (basically oats) is meant to be good for milk production too

rest when you can and this time that feels like forever will be over before you know it

IBakeThereforeIAm Wed 11-Sep-13 21:40:28

One person sleeps while the other cuddles - it's the law!

YeahWhat Wed 11-Sep-13 21:41:37

I promise it will get better. smile

Your DD is still brand new and as much of a novice as you.

I would, perhaps, give lying down feeding another go. I used to dose and feed at the same time. (Maybe that isn't recommended now ? confused )

PacificDogwood Wed 11-Sep-13 21:43:33

Let her use you as a dummy when you can bear it - use an acutal dummy when you cannot!
Prolonged use of a dummy might affect your supply.

Honestly, do what you have to to survive. You sound keen to continue BFing, yes? Eat and drink when you can, rest when you can, and try to go with the flow ie don't expect to be able to put her down - then any peace you get will be a bonus.

Yy to parenthood hitting me like a brick - and I was 37 the first time grin.

You are doing a great job - repeat after me: You are doing a great job.

ThisIsBULLSHIT Wed 11-Sep-13 21:45:07

Oh my goodness, you have just whisked me back five years to when my dd2 was born. It is so so tough when you have no sleep and your baby feeds constantly.
My dd2 fed every two hours for about two hours so i was constantly shattered. I finally got her into a semi Gina Ford routine when she was about four months old and that gradually worked over a few days. Your is too little for that though I suppose and it may not be a popular choice on here!

Have you got a rocker thing you can put her in? Lots of people I know have recommended them. Second a dummy, both mine had one and it helped soothe them when they were fractious. Also she might think its your boob and might go to sleep!

Just a little question, have you seen your midwife/health visitor and filled in a questionnaire about how you are feeling?

Just try and remember it won't be like this forever, it will pass!!!!!

(Also both mine had the odd carton of formula when I was shagged) grin

ThisIsBULLSHIT Wed 11-Sep-13 21:46:46

When I say shagged, I mean totally knackered!

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