I'm posting here out of desperation. I am absolutely not trying to begin a ff/bf debate. I am extremely unhappy that I gave up bf too easily after two weeks, and now suffering from terrible feelings of shame and self-hatred which I know are completely pointless and spoiling this precious precious time with my beautiful, perfect eight week old daughter.
But I'm not doing well. I'm bursting into tears a lot - including in public - and feel very depressed. Sometimes I feel like I'm having a kind of minor breakdown as nothing I think makes any sense (apologies to people who have really had break downs - I'm just not sure how to express myself on this point). It's so self-destructive. I feel as though I have no right to enjoy my dd and that I'm a selfish bitch. I feel as though I will never like myself again.
I tried using google to find sources of support but the best I could find was 'formula is not liquid poison'. Of course it's not liquid poison! What a bloody stupid thing to say.
I can't talk to my friends in RL about this too much as they all bottle fed and I don't want to upset them as it is hard to explain that this is completely personal. I do not judge other ff mothers at all. I certainly don't think that they shouldn't enjoy their babies. I don't think I'm being logical.
But despite giving myself sensible pep talks all the time, all I see everywhere is breast is best and I'm so ashamed. I feel like I'm being stared at when I ff in public. I feel like my SIL who is bf-ing her 12 week old (and who I like very much) must think I'm ignorant and find my behaviour incomprehensible. I'm actually trying to avoid her which is also mad.
This is so pointless and unhealthy. I need to move on. But how?
PS I really hope that I haven't offended anyone with anything I have said. That is not my intention at all - and I'm not quite myself at the moment.
For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.
Parenting
Support for a FF mum
MyGoldenNotebook · 16/08/2012 12:52
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