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how do you balance full time job + housework + toddler???

(88 Posts)
Nickinha Wed 16-Feb-05 14:04:54

Has anyone got good advice on how to hold down a full time job, cook supper, do the washing, keep the house clean and entertain a clingy todler?? My house just always seems to be disgusting!

CountessDracula Wed 16-Feb-05 14:07:50

Get a cleaner. The only way.

Nickinha Wed 16-Feb-05 14:12:08

no money..... have seriously considered that, but there is no way I can cut costs..

WideWebWitch Wed 16-Feb-05 14:14:09

Does your partner do his share?

Nickinha Wed 16-Feb-05 14:15:52

not really - but then again he leaves the house at 8 and only gets home again at 8 at night...

Twiglett Wed 16-Feb-05 14:16:40

I gave up the job

but honestly .. cleaner and good childcare

northerner Wed 16-Feb-05 14:17:14

Can you cut down your hours and work 3 or 4 days a week?

Nickinha Wed 16-Feb-05 14:27:00

I work 5 full days, but try sneak away early on a Thursday to get a bit of housework done before fetching dd from nursery, but by the end of the next day the house is a mess again and I dont want to spend my weekends cooking/cleaning/ironing etc... also want a bit of quality life. Do I stay up till midnight doing it??? Do I get up at 5 to do it???

Caligula Wed 16-Feb-05 14:32:50

What time do you go to work and get back?

Nickinha Wed 16-Feb-05 14:34:54

I leave at 9am and get home at 7am - have dinner ready by 8pm when dh gets home

Prettybird Wed 16-Feb-05 14:43:04

Try to do just 15 minutes a day to keep on top of it. Even if it's only emptying bins or clearing away the worst of the untidiness.

I found Flylady.net useful just for its principles of trying to develop a few basic routines (eg keep your kitchen sink clean, sort out a morning/evening routine), trying to keep on top of your "hotspots" and doing 15 minutes in a "zone" (a room/area - whcih changes every week - but does at least mean that that room gets cleaned/tidied at least once a month), and giving up on perfectionism and accepting "good enough". But everyone advises not signing up for the e-mails, as they would drive you potty!

If the house has really got on top of me, I set my timer and do just five minutes at a time in each of the main rooms - or whichever rooms are getting most on top of me (usually kitchen, living room and bedroom).

Caligula Wed 16-Feb-05 14:47:09

Would you have time to prepare something in the AM and slow cook it so that you didn't have to prepare a meal in the evening?

Also, it sounds like you only have one extra hour than your DH - not enough time to do housework yourself - it's his house too.

Don't put yourself under pressure to have dinner ready for when he comes home - he'll get used to it and not appreciate it.

Do you watch TV in the evenings? Another tip - do your housework in the ad breaks - I vacuumed the downstairs, loaded the dishwasher, polished the sofas and de-cluttered the sitting room in the ad breaks of Wife Swap and Desperate Housewives last week!

Caligula Wed 16-Feb-05 14:48:59

AND if you do it in ad breaks, it's a cue to him to do it too - working one extra hour from you doesn't let him off the housework hook.

Nickinha Wed 16-Feb-05 14:55:05

you're funny caligula. Hear, hear for womans rights... giggle - just one small detail - he is portuguese!!! They dont believe in housework. Cant slow cook (dont have one) but I like the idea of 15min a day in a room... busy having a look at flylad.net as we speak.

Prettybird Wed 16-Feb-05 14:58:26

I do my ironing watching TV too. Although I have got it down to 15-30 minutes/week by learing to hang the clothes out to dry better and folding them carefully once they are dry (and being ruthless about what I do iron - eg no longer do all of dh's T-shirts). And this despite the fact that I am a sad git who still irons her tea towels and duvet covers/pillow cases (but they only get washed once a fortnight - the bottom sheet gets done weekly, but not ironed)

Prettybird Wed 16-Feb-05 15:00:15

PS Have to admit that dh also does his fair share. He does the hoovering and also cleans the bathroom. But given that he is the one who refuses to let me get a cleaner in, despite the fact that we could afford one - hell mend him

handlemecarefully Wed 16-Feb-05 15:01:56

I work part time but actually find my life is easier on the days I work than on the days I don't work.

When I work and get home with the kids at 5pm, the house is tidy because they haven't been there all day to trash it. They (well the older one, the other is just a baby) sit compliantly in front of the tv because she is winding down after a day of stimulation at the Nursery, and I get to cook a very simple no effort tea like eggy bread because they have already been fed properly by someone else at Nursery.

Whereas on my days off I am foreover tidying up after them and cooking / cleaning.

Caligula Wed 16-Feb-05 15:05:22

I agree - the weekend is always much worse than work days when the kids aren't here all day to trash the place.

Oh God, Portuguese - say no more. Well, if he's not prepared to do his share, he'll have to employ someone to do his share for him. Or he'll have to support you to do his share. Which would you prefer?

oxocube Wed 16-Feb-05 15:08:11

I couldn't and gave up work House is still often a tip, though!

Nickinha Wed 16-Feb-05 15:09:19

LOL caligula - I will inform him over dinner tonight that he has to employ house help...bwahahahahaha - will tell you how that goes

Caligula Wed 16-Feb-05 15:22:15

Well why not? Why should you do all the housework? You work full time. You're his wife, not his housekeeper. It's his house too, his child too. He should be doing 50 50 with you, you don't have any more time than he does.

Am I on a different planet to most women? Is it really unreasonable to expect equal effort in home-making, rather than for women who are doing a job outside the home to be expected to take on 100% of the domestic management of the home as well?

I'll stop there before I go into a rant!

Nickinha Wed 16-Feb-05 15:27:09

You say what most of us feel Caligula, only thing is I dont have the guts and feel like a failure as a woman if I dont keep his home clean and his tummy fed...

He does wash cars and change lightbulbs... lol (blush)

Caligula Wed 16-Feb-05 15:39:41

hope he puts shelves up too, and empties bins and pulls spiders out of baths!

Bozza Wed 16-Feb-05 15:44:21

But Nickinha you are no more a failure for not doing all the housework than he is for not earning all the money. It works both ways. So you both go to work, you both do housework.

Nickinha Wed 16-Feb-05 15:48:03

I see your point Bozza, but a leopard will never change its spots and thats just how my dh is. So what I need to do is accept it and learn to cope

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