Still waiting

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

Found out baby is measuring 3 weeks behind on Thursday. Should have been 9 weeks. Waiting to miscarry. This is torture.

[bakingtins]

I'm sorry guy it is horrible. Do you have a follow up scan booked? Have you decided what you'll opt for if a MMC is confirmed?

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

Confirmation scan is Thursday. I don't know what I'll opt for- the quickest and most painless option I think. I just want it to be over. I hope they can do it quickly so I can start to heal from all this.

[wonkylegs]

Guybrush - hope you are doing ok today. Life feels like it's on an awful pause at the moment.
Yesterday I had a good day, was busy & distracted, this morning a small bleed overnight brought the world crashing down again.
DH keeps asking me if I'm alright and I just have to answer no I'm not!
Friday seems an eternity away.
I just want to get it over with so we can begin to move on.

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

I'm desperately hoping to see blood every time I go to the loo but nothing. Stupid body hasn't realised that this is a lost cause.

[gingerbreadmam]

thinking of you both. i am going through the same thing, had to wait two weeks for my re-scan which is thursday this week.

i don't think my body is going to let go until it has seen for definite that things have ended, no signs of a mc yet just lots of yellow discharge last few days.

i am glad there is somewhere like this to share thoughts and emotions, feel like in rl people just dont understand. even my partner. my friend had a similar experience a few years ago with an mmc then went on to have a beautiful little boy. i keep focusing on that and thinking although right now this is the worst thing to ever happen to me one day things will be ok and it will just be a sad distant memory. it helps me through and stops me being so bitter (i've been having bad bitter stages!)

[wonkylegs]

Guybrush hope today is ok will be thinking of you.
Everybody told me to keep busy whilst waiting for my scan tomorrow to keep my mind off things - I'm not sure they meant being hit by a hit & run driver in my car (yesterday), I'm ok, car surprisingly not too bad and then being woken by water coming through the ceiling at 4am this morning. The last person I can deal with today is our chatty plumber but I will have to as DH has a full clinic full of patients at the hospital this morning. I'm not feeling well either nausea & a splitting headache (I think from the stress of everything).
I'm not sure I can deal with anything else.

[gingerbreadmam]

hope today is ok guybrush.

wonky what a horrible day / night you have had. hope you are ok too.

[gingerbreadmam]

Just to add had my rescan this morning. no change, baby definitely stopped growing at 5 weeks.

according to my hospital they have new guidelines in place the last 4 months saying they prefer not to interfere in these cases and to let the mother miscarry naturally so that what i am doing.

they did say if nothing happened within the next two weeks they can intervene. im relieved in a way i really didnt want to have any procedures. hoping my body lets go sooner rather than later now it knows for definite.

[wonkylegs]

Oh Gingerbreadmam I'm so sorry, there are no words
Look after yourself & take it easy
I'm thinking of you

[gingerbreadmam]

thanks wonky!

envious so sorry you are going through this too. i was on the june 15 boards too. hope you are ok.

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

I was about to post the same as ginger. Mmc confirmed this morning.
I mostly feel relieved that it is confirmed beyond doubt. I'm hurting but actually ok. Better than yesterday.
Still no bleeding or pain though. Hope it happens soon.
I haven't joined ttc after mc group because I don't feel I am 'after mc' yet. It still hasn't happened yet.

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

I'm now having a big gin and tonic Think you should both join me.

[gingerbreadmam]

ha guybrush i had a sneaky look on that thread yet but felt the same, couldnt joing as actually hasnt happened.

Tmi alert but just been to loo and saw a bit of dark red discharge and i have to say it felt good in a way. the sooner this is over the better now and can look forward to next bfp! hope ur ok. if not the gin should help. i dont know if i dare have a drink incase it turns me into an emotional wreck.

[gingerbreadmam]

oops on phone. i meant i had a sneaky look earlier lol!

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

You weren't insensitive at all! I am also taking comfort from the thought of ttc again. I think when I am pregnant again, I'll feel more like this was the right thing to happen and that will be my baby where this wouldn't have been.
I just need the mc to actually happen first.

[gingerbreadmam]

yes there is some comfort in the saying that the pregnancy stops because theres a problem. helps you to move on and like you say next time you can focus that this is the right time.

i cant wait to try ttc again i keep remembering that lovely feeling when saw that bfp. was my first one and totally unexpected so a shock but amazing all the same. roll on the next one for all of us after trying again!

to extra fertileness coming our way.

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

Still no bleeding or cramps. Wish it would just start so it will be over quicker. Could be days or weeks yet I guess.

[gingerbreadmam]

same here guy...nothing still. hope youre ok and being looked after. thinking of you.

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

I'm ok emotionally, I just want it to start. How are you doing?

[gingerbreadmam]

same feel ok in myself obv gutted but think i did most of my grieving in the wait betweeb scans.

just want it over with although i am scared of what that will be like.

did u tell many people u were pregnant? i actually get most emotional when i tell other people the bad news like ive let them down as silly as that sounds or like i know theyll be upset for me and i dont want them to be.

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

God I just am in exactly the same place as you and feel exactly the same- between scans was worse than now.
I told colleagues and close friends. I have texted / emailed everyone to tell them to avoid having to say it out loud. People have been very lovely.
Argh I want it to be over! In my more positive moments, I feel that this is no different from waiting for a period. Bit other times I feel scared at the thought of waiting any longer.
What's your plan? Are you going to work and doing 'normal life' things? At what point will you have some medical intervention if it doesn't happen naturally?
Sorry for the questions. I'm so sorry you are going through this too but I have to admit, it is confirming now to be alone.

[gingerbreadmam]

dont worry guy i am finding it really helpful to talk to someone who knows exactly how i feel. you know i never thought about it being like 'waiting for a period' psychologicaly that seems so much better.

ive been off work 2 weeks as thats what the first unhelpful nurse suggested. im taking another week, partly because i am scared of breaking down at work and partly because im a bit panicky about it starting at work. i work in a tiny office with 7 others. 1 person particularly grates on me a lot of the time and when its quiet as in everyone has their head down i know i get consumed by thoughts and dont want to be in that position. i have asked my boss to inform the office whats happened incase i have any meltdowns when i go back.

other than work just acting normal so far. darent drink tho just yet incase it turns me into an emotional wreck.

spending a lot of time planning and doing christmas shopping ha.

are you continuing your folic acid btw? i thought id just stay on mine ready for ttc.

oh my nurse yesterday said if nothing happened in 2 weeks to ring and they will consider meds. my mam helpfully suggested drinking a bottle of gin today! this is what im dealing with ha

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

Let's keep holding each other's hand ginger.