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climb aboard this bus called i was on "dec 11, jan 12, feb 12" etc- hear me now!!

(403 Posts)
Mama5isalive Mon 18-Jul-11 23:43:16

I thought i would just start this thread for all of us who have sadly lost our seats on our previous buses, but still want to talk and share and move on in all different areas!

Please swipe your cards, pay your fare and share!!!!!!!!wink
all are welcome to the journey ending in "moving on street", "TTC avenue" or "let just wait and see walk "or ", "Its finally happened for me junction"

Catsycat Tue 09-Aug-11 10:22:55

Glad to hear you're OK lemontop. Can't believe how widespread this has become. I really hope it stops soon.

harrietlichman Tue 09-Aug-11 10:50:05

I was on the Feb 2012 bus - mc at 7 wks. Was feeling kind of philosophical about it all but found out this morning that a friend has just had 12 week scan and announced her pg - am happy for her, but she is due exactly a week after I would have been, and it has thrown up a lot of emotions. I still haven't had my AF either - anyone know how long it usually is? I am not sure whether I can bear to try again and face the same heartbreak (2nd mc) I don't discuss it with anyone in RL, so is good to have MN to gain some comfort from.

Catsycat Tue 09-Aug-11 14:58:45

Hi harriet, I'm very sorry for your loss.

My AF came back after 22 days. I had an ERPC, and was 10.5 weeks when I mc (it started naturally, but I needed the ERPC because things got stuck). The baby was only 5 weeks size. I think it's different for everyone though. I got a BFN after only about a week, so I don't think I had that high a level of hormones by the time I mc.

I've just been to the hospital to pick up the remains of my baby. I got really upset, but had a good chat with the mw. She was lovely. I also went to the plant nursery on the way home, and bought a Viburnum Tinus for the garden - I am thinking of burying the remains under it, as it will be in flower in January (when the baby was due).

freedom2011 Tue 09-Aug-11 16:28:01

Harriet sorry to hear about your loss. I've no idea how long it takes for AF to turn up I'm afraid but after my D&C they suggested waiting for 3 months to fully heal (in mind as well as body) before getting pregnant again but said it wasn't a big problem if I got pregnant before the full 3 months was up. Was it your first pregnancy or do you already have children?

puzzletree Tue 09-Aug-11 17:03:54

Hi everyone. Sorry you're here too Harriet I was on feb2012 too and miscarried at 9 weeks (no scan beforehand so don't know when the baby died), my period came back 4 weeks after the miscarriage. The nurses at EPU said it could take a couple of months. But as others have said, it varies from person to person.
I know what you mean about friends due at the same time we would have been. The announcements have been coming recently as they're all getting past that first scan. As for trying again, there will always be the risk of miscarriage again but there's a greater chance of having a healthy pregnancy. Please don't let it put you off trying again. Hopefully all of us who are trying again will be lucky soon. Take care of yourself.

puzzletree Tue 09-Aug-11 17:05:01

Oh and Catsycat, glad you got the remains, the tree blooming in Jan is such a lovely idea.

harrietlichman Wed 10-Aug-11 08:40:25

Lovely idea Catsycat, would be lovely to have something special like that. Puzzletree, I have two ds's (for which I am very thankful) and the gp said that because of that, they won't do any testing on me until I have a 3rd mc - another concern for me is my age (nearly 40) and I do wonder if I have left it too late and should just count the blessings I already have (and I do, but hopefully you know what I mean when I say I can't help but want another dc) Wishing you lots of luck too, and everybody else on this thread.

puzzletree Wed 10-Aug-11 10:40:15

harrietlichman know exactly what you mean, I also have two DS's. big hugs.

greengoose Wed 10-Aug-11 11:44:25

Hi all. Hope everyones been safe and not scared by the riots.... unbelievable really.
Anyway, Im in the throws of what I guess must be the miscarriage, but (and Im not complaining, just confused) it doesnt hurt much yet. Im scared that this isnt going to do it, and Ill have to have another d+c, which I wanted to avoid as it took my period forever to return last time.... Oh well, wait and see I guess. (after my scan the MW said that my womb lining was 17mm instead of 4mm for usual menses, but sac had already been absorbed, so she said it should be about 3 times heavier than period, but no obvious large clots. I didnt know they could tell you what to expect in this way, so it was a bit of a relief).
harriet and puzzle I also have two sons, (8 + 3) and Im 38, so dont know if I am right to be continuing to try... I really want another DC (and just between me and MN, I havent given up on having a DD)! I also really dont want to remember the end of having children being about MCs and sorrow, I want to have a happy ending. There are a few older people I know (my ML for 1) who always refer to stopping trying after the MC, and it sounds so sad. (I sound so greedy, I am so lucky to have the family Ive got).
Are any of you trying again then.... I dont want to join another bus until this has finished.....

rosalina72 Wed 10-Aug-11 13:40:15

Greengoose you're not greedy for wanting another child. It's just how you feel. I don't think wanting another means that you're not grateful or happy with what you've got. I already have one son but I would like him to have a sibling. I have two sisters myself and have always cherished my relationship with them. I don't want him to miss out on that.

I'm still waiting for AF too Harriet. I've been bloated and cranky for 2 weeks but still nothing!! I hope we don't have to wait much longer.

As for ttc, I hope to start after one normal AF. After the D&C the doc said I could try right away (after the bleeding cleared) as long as I was mentally ready. I suppose mc could happen again and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried but we have to stay positive. I've had a successful pregnancy after mc so I know it can happen.

Fingers crossed for all of us who want to give it another go! xxxxx

Btw, Catsycat so glad you finally got the remains and the idea of the plant is really nice.

Catsycat Wed 10-Aug-11 16:56:02

Hi greengoose. Glad you're not in too much pain, and finding it manageable. I'm 38 too and have two DDs, like you I don't want this to be the end of my childbearing days! It would feel like a defeat in some way to me, which I know probably sounds silly, and like you say, would be a rather sad ending. I had a good old cry at the mw at Warwick yesterday, about how this might have been my last chance (poor woman!).

I think if you wanted more children, then that is what you wanted - nothing wrong with that, if that is how you imagined your family being complete.

We were ttc this month (after the first normal AF), but doubt I'm pg as we stopped swi a few days before I ovulated, when we decided I should get my hormones checked first. Wishing I could be pg though. I just started a diet on Monday, and have been weeing non-stop, so obviously I keep fantasising that it's a symptom (well, it's a symptom of being on the Dukan diet, nothing more)!

rosalina I had really bad bloating (and back pain) for a few days before my AF, which I normally never have. Fingers crossed you can soon get on with trying again!

rosalina72 Wed 10-Aug-11 18:28:04

I've had really bad back pain too!! That's so weird! I never get that before my AF either. I hope I get it soon. I've read about so many women who don't get their periods for ages after erpc!

Good luck with the diet! I should do a bit of dieting myself. Too much cake lately blush

Mama5isalive Wed 10-Aug-11 19:10:19

hi all - Catsycat - what a lovely and so fitting way to always remember your baby!
Harriet - i would keep HOPE alive and no matter the age as long as body is sending out eggs why not keep trying, as long as your DH/DP supports you!
GreenG- i agree also with Ros72 - its far from greedy i have 3 DC and i never wandered about another after my son 18 months, was born but now i feel like i have unfinished business so will keep on trying with the full support of my mind, body and DH!!!!!!!!
im ov-ing i believe slight pains and its day14 before AF should i go for it today or tomo????? not sure how this all works or will today be to early?????
its amazing how intune we are now to our bodies and the back ache and signs we are watching out for!!!!! fingers crossed for the upcoming +!!!!!!!!!!
first time out since the riots and madness loads of shops around are showing signs of damage so sad!!!!!
lemontop - how are u today???

Catsycat Wed 10-Aug-11 19:35:22

Hi mama5. If you think you are ovulating today, then go for it today and tomorrow!!!! I would wink.

Sorry to hear about all the looting damage. Did any of the town centre escape? Feel so sorry for all the business owners, and all the people whose homes are gone sad

Mama5isalive Wed 10-Aug-11 21:40:35

CC-Thanks for the SWI support!!!! will do if i get rid of our guests- family are here playing wii! and catching jokes!!!!! so nice to forget everything and just have fun i miss it - note to self must have more fun!!!!!!!!grin

tumblebug Thu 11-Aug-11 21:44:45

Hi, please can I join you? I was on the Feb 2012 bus too, started bleeding lightly on Tuesday, scan yesterday showed large sac but baby stopped growing around 5 weeks. (On holiday, so will be going back to different hospital). I was advised to get a repeat scan next week, then see if I need ERPC. Was told to expect bleeding like 'a heavy period'.

I'm bleeding but really not heavily, and really don't know what to expect. Have read some of the other threads and it sounds like the bleeding can be awful. I am due to go back to work on Monday, but it's a 2 1/2 hour commute each way by public transport, couldn't cope if I started bleeding really heavily. Did any of you have much time off work?

Although I'm sad about it, I also just want this bit to be over and want to start trying again, just want another baby and worrying about age gaps (DS now 21 months). I like the statistic about being more likely to have a healthy pregnancy on the next 6 months - I'll hold that thought.

puzzletree Thu 11-Aug-11 22:33:41

Hi tumblebug, so sorry for your miscarriage. It's just awful isn't it.

I'm not sure how developed the baby etc were but I was 9 weeks pregnant when I miscarried and I started bleeding one day and the next day it became very heavy over a couple of hours- I had to go to A&E to be checked out and stayed in hospital most of the day. I have heavy periods and this was like an especially intense period, with the added horror of passing enormous clots and tissue. All in all it was pretty physically and emotionally draining and I wouldn't have wanted to be far from a toilet and somewhere to sit/lie down. The EPU nurse said that if I worked ( I don't just now) then I should take a couple of weeks off. So, especially given your commute, I would ask for another week off, or at least suggest that you may not be well enough to go in at short notice on monday. And take the opportunity to rest if you can.

Good luck and I hope the bleeding is not too bad for you. Emotionally it will be hard regardless. And I understand the feeling of wanting to get pregnant again soon, there are a few of us here TTC again straight away or in the next cycle.

tumblebug Thu 11-Aug-11 23:12:06

Hi puzzletree, thanks for your reply. I think because I'm on holiday work was the last thing on my mind, so I didn't think to ask, not that I was thinking about much. I forgot to say earlier I was 11.5 weeks pregnant.

As it stands I was due to have my 12 week scan on Monday morning, so expected late and at my closer workplace (only an hour's drive by car). I had told one colleague I was pregnant (the other is on holiday), so I think I'll let him know what is going on and leave it open for now. I could maybe try to swap and work more 'locally' all week.

I'm glad I found you all, it's nice to know I'm not alone and we will get through it.

Mama5isalive Fri 12-Aug-11 02:52:00

Hi and welcome Tumblebug - so sorry for your Loss, we have all been there dealing with a loss of our growing ones and all the choices that go with
1. leave and mc naturally which can drag.2. medical help to bring on MC. 3. ERPC op - go in and have a minor op.
all are awful but depending on how you feel want to deal with it all.
But i would just take time off im sure work will understand your body is going through a trauma and you will need time to "heal& deal" i have not worked since 17th June and dont go back till 5th Sept - gp signed me off in a stressful job couldnt cope with all workmates that knew and are still pregnant!!!!!!
i have several close friends and family all very pregnant and due in the next 2 months in a row!!!!! countdown from the end of the month.
I really have gathered real comfort in my "MN Family" and sharing our feelings is great way to healing.
you never mentioned a DH/DP but i really pray you have the support there as i really feel its so important for your emotional state.
Be kind to yourself relax and take it easy- dont stress too much!
and we are all here to talk too!!!!
Ps - most have overcome and are so ready to TTC and holding hands through this also xxxx

MillontheFloss Fri 12-Aug-11 10:04:27

There is a good programme on R4 about miscarriage right now BTW.

I was due Feb 2012 but MC-ing right now.

Mama5isalive Fri 12-Aug-11 10:41:47

Our Stats!!!!!!!

Mama5 - dd17,dd10,ds17mts(ds12,ds6) jan bus -mmc12weeks.
Catsycat - dd3.10, dd18mts; Jan bus -mmc 9 weeks.
Rosalina72 - ds3 feb bus -mmc 9 weeks.
Puzzletree -dsx2 feb bus -mc 9 weeks.
Lemontop -ds21mts;Mar bus-mc 5.5 weeks
Greengoose -DSx2 Mar bus - mc 6 weeks
Freedom2011 -bus Mar - mc 8 weeks.

just thought i would update the stats so we know each others history.
please correct if wrong!!!!!

Hi Millonthfloss - Im so sorry you are here with us( nice way)
I can offer a shoulder and some advice be kind to yourself and talk to DH/DP about your feelings - have you been to the EPU yet???? or spoken to a dr?
i was looking for the programme but maybe missed it ( R4?????)

MillontheFloss Fri 12-Aug-11 13:39:57

Hi Mama5

I spoke to Dr and got a referral to the EPU earlier this week but decided to miscarry naturally as wanted to avoid surgical procedure if poss. Not a lot of action so far though (just like a period) and it's been 11 days! Was 10 wks pg but sac measured 7 wks. I guess everyone's different but I feel like there is more to come IYSWIM! It's a real waiting game isn't it?!

MillontheFloss Fri 12-Aug-11 14:18:24

ps, the Radio 4 thing was just a bit on Women's Hour about a research study being carried out at St. Mary's hospital into predicting the outcome of pregnancies which could miscarry. Worth a listen.

Catsycat Fri 12-Aug-11 15:24:00

Hi tumble and mill. I'm so sorry for your losses - it is such a horrible thing to happen - but glad you found us, and hope we can all continue to support each other. I have found the other women on here so lovely and caring, and they have really helped me through what happened.

I had a mc at 10.5 weeks, after finding out my baby was not developing properly at 9 weeks. I had a pretty traumatic mc with very heavy bleeding, which did come on very suddenly (had enough notice to get to the toilet, that was it). I ended up passed out in the bathroom after 4 hours of heavy bleeding, DH had to call an ambulance to take me to A&E, where I spent the rest of the night. I had an ERPC the following morning to stop me from bleeding. Though my uterus had emptied, the "material" was stuck in my cervix, which had not opened enough and had no way of pushing it all out.

Tumble I would definitely try to take time off until after the mc has completed and you are recovered. I don't work at the moment, but don't feel I could have done with that hanging over me... Some people have said working was a way to take their minds off the mc, which I do understand, but I wouldn't have wanted to be so far from home (or been able to concentrate).

Mill I have heard about that research (think I read an article about it somewhere) and it does sound like useful stuff!

freedom2011 Fri 12-Aug-11 16:28:12

To those who joined this week, tumble, mill I am sorry you are here. I bled for about 5 days, very heavily for 3 of them with pain/cramps and then knew it was time to go to the hospital when a large amount of tissue came out which I recognised as the fluid sack. It wasn't too horrific for me just very very sad.
I wonder why I didn't get a choice of medication or natural completion. They whipped me straight into theatre for a D&C. Someone today asked if I was pregnant as I'd put off a meeting last week with a vague 'I'm ill.' Not wanting to lie I said, I was pregnant, but not anymore. And she said, Oh, I lost my first too, don't worry, after a D&C you're all cleaned out like a virginlady and will find it much easier to be pregnant real quick. Now I have 2 hmm Hope so, but I don't think she is a gynaecologist.

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