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Perimenopause and “ Sex Surge”

(97 Posts)
SpiritedLondon Wed 03-Jan-18 17:54:16

Ok so I’m not sure if I shouldn’t have name changed for this. I have been married to my DH for 12 years but we have been sexless for about 6 of those years. I would say that we have moved into the “ friends zone “ but I have generally had a low libido over that time so have felt untroubled by this. During the last couple of months I have experienced some changes in my period ( closer together and shorter) and have had low moods and irritability which I guess indicate a move towards menopause. Another pretty terrifying symptom is the massive increase in my libido - almost uncontrollable. I’ve looked online and discovered a website which refers to this as a midlife sex surge. Has anyone else experienced anything like this and come through the other side? It sounds like a good problem to have ( in comparison to no libido) but I have nowhere to put these feelings and feel to desperate and scared that I’m going to do something life destroying. Any help would be appreciated.

ohfortuna Fri 05-Jan-18 20:11:00

Yes that happened to me, I was rampant for about 7 years and then after menopause my sex drive just dropped off a cliff
I have no advice sorry 🤤

goodbeans Fri 05-Jan-18 21:44:44

Yes, this is definitely “a thing“! You say that you have nowhere to put these feelings, but what was it that rendered your marriage sexless: could it be reversed?

Zuma76 Tue 27-Feb-18 21:35:15

I know I am joining this chat late but I am experiencing the exact same thing with the same problems. I cannot stop fantasising about sex and it’s not with my husband. Argh.

Fanjoferrets Tue 13-Mar-18 11:00:02

I am 41 and am in a similar situation. The surge hit a few days ago and i feel like a conplete horny letch. 'Relations' have resumed with a tired and now sore DH and a 20 yr old vibrator. As soon as we are finished i am ready to go again...and again...and again.... best i have managed is approx an hour of relative calm before i become a massive nerve ending again.
I am currently waiting at home for a rampant rabbit and feeling annoyed that i don't now when it is coming because i also want to nip out for lube, a bumper pack of condoms and a durex 'bullet'.
I was a horny teen but right now is insane! I am torn between wanting a bit of calm or worrying that this will pass soon and i will never want sex ever again 😨

Fanjoferrets Tue 13-Mar-18 11:00:41

Urg, know not now... can't even think straight!

Pulipatchouli Sat 17-Mar-18 18:56:31

I am experiencing this and feel awful about it. I just feel filthy.
All my research on perimenopause says lack of libido. Well I've never felt so horny.
I just don't know myself and wish it would end. I'm 47, and have been like it for a year.

Mammysin Sat 17-Mar-18 19:05:17

I'm early 40s and have this incredible sex drive despite my depression. It was incredibly exhausting, particularly at the start, and I really felt at the mercy of my hormones.

1966gettingold Sun 18-Mar-18 07:06:12

mimibunz Sun 18-Mar-18 07:13:41

Ugh, I had this at 48. Fortunately I didn’t do anything to ruin my marriage or life but it was scary and confusing. I do tend to think that things that are intense burn out faster, at least mine did. Maybe take up running? Or horseback riding? grin Sorry, I’ll show myself out.

BGD2012 Sun 25-Mar-18 17:05:36

Going through this too at 45. I can't get enough, luckily my husband is receptive but still want more! I seem to suddenly like men who ooze testosterone muscly, tall and bearded. (Not my type normally).

Josiejo1127 Mon 26-Mar-18 17:26:56

I feel exactly the same. I am 47 and peri-menopausal. Been with my husband for 32 years and apart from when we were a lot younger I have had a very low libido. These last few weeks I've felt so horny it's untrue... hubby definitely not complaining. We've gone from DTD once in a blue moon to at least 5 times a week! It's all I can think about! Just hope it lasts a while 😂 It's just frustrating that we have adult children still living at home so have to be quiet. Have booked us a cheeky night away in a hotel!

Tuesdaynightname Mon 26-Mar-18 17:32:47

Going through this too. Also in an almost sexless marriage, although DH is good to talk to, and has made an effort.

In the meantime, I'm in the middle of a filthy crush on a good friend, which nearly got out of hand but thankfully didn't. Completely out of character for me, but I have honestly never physically wanted someone so much. Madness.

BGD2012 Tue 27-Mar-18 17:55:19

Its crazy isn't it? I've gone from not really being bothered to being obsessed.

annandale Tue 27-Mar-18 17:58:36

It's awful tbh. I'm scared of getting into a relationship with someone based on this only to disappoint them massively when it all goes dead at menopause.

SpiritedLondon Thu 29-Mar-18 08:48:19

Omg ladies where did you all come from? . ( I’m the OP). I’m sat on the train nearly crying because I was feeling really alone with this and no one had really answered initially ( I haven’t checked this thread for ages) My god it’s all good and bad at the same time. I can’t really post too much since I didn’t sodding name change initially but I can tell you that I’m a regular at Love Honey grin Thank you all for posting I’m so grateful. Ps I’ve signed up to that website re Sex surge and get weekly emails which are interesting but I’m still uncertain of what the future holds for me re sexless marriage.

SpiritedLondon Thu 29-Mar-18 08:52:10

I’ve also had a massive crush on my friend / colleague/ boss blush who is aware and is stoically continuing to be my friend despite my sometimes inappropriate suggestions. God help me if the roles were reversed I would probably have a decent sexual harassment case!

Tuesdaynightname Thu 29-Mar-18 15:27:50

My friend (ie crush) started a bit of fairly innocent, but naughty, flirting with me a few months ago. I don't think he expected the reaction he got. I certainly didn't. blush

Got it back under control on the surface, but in my head...another matter. And I think he knows it. blushblush

Just thank goodness no one else has a clue, and I'm such a sensible person, they would never guess.

BGD2012 Thu 29-Mar-18 16:38:55

I've just had a look at Love Honey. Some interesting equipment on there!

Tuesdaynightname Thu 29-Mar-18 19:10:48

I have also frequented Love Honey and now have a secret stash of bit and pieces. It's scratching an itch, but it's still not what I really want...

SpiritedLondon Fri 30-Mar-18 02:22:14

My surge started in December and although it’s still very much alive and kicking it’s not as strong as it was in the first early weeks. At one point I could barely stand to be close to a handsome colleague who was a bit flirtatious with me. If you could die of lust I would be a corpse on the floor - it was so excruciatingly. In the end I ended up in a “ sexting” situation with the guy which turns out does little to quell the flames. grin

Josiejo1127 Tue 03-Apr-18 01:08:05

Well my surge seems to have gone again 😢. Hubby and I have both been ill this week so not sure if it's that. Hope it will return again... gutted if it doesn't 😂

Ofthread Tue 03-Apr-18 01:16:13

Do not sext, take up wholesome activities, get some cassocks clothes from Toast and some cornish pastie shoes. This is Mumsnet fgs!

SpiritedLondon Wed 04-Apr-18 07:00:24

Thanks ofthread so you don’t think the crotchless knickers will help no? grin

SparklingPeri Wed 25-Apr-18 19:26:00

Thank goodness I've found this; I thought it was just me as everything I've read about the perimenopause talks about low libido. Mine has gone through the roof lately and I think I'm starting to scare DH. Mid cycle is the worst time as I can think of nothing else but DTD for a few days. Cornish pastie shoes may be the answer! Any other suggestions?

SpiritedLondon Fri 04-May-18 10:21:40

SparklingPeri I’m the OP and I’m coming up to 6 months since my initial symptoms arrived. Although they’re not as bad as they were in December they’re still pretty strong and I’m still thinking about sex fairly constantly. So sorry I don’t have any advice to give...but are you in a position to “ go with the flow” ? The “ sex surge” website above does go into strategies to try and manage symptoms if that’s what you want to do - sadly everything I’ve been doing has been stoking the fire so no advice here I’m afraid.

RubberJohnny Fri 04-May-18 10:31:46

Well I'm the dh cannot keep up. He is enjoying it though.
However, I have had a full hysterectomy ( uterus, cervix, tubes, ovaries, everything) and am on oestrogen gel. So it's no surges from hormones for me. Long may it last in my case.

SpiritedLondon Fri 04-May-18 10:58:53

RubberJohnny men and women everywhere will probably be greatly reassured by that I’m sure.... that these things don’t have to die out. That it isn’t inevitable.

MaidMarian67 Wed 09-May-18 17:45:38

Stumbled across this thread and it‘s been a revelation/comfort/Godsend knowing that I am not the only one going through this. I can confirm it is a thing, it's real and I have been experiencing it for about 2 and a half years now. I am 51, perimenopausal and married to my lovely DH for 18 years. Although our marriage wasn't sexless, it wasn't far off. Then one day on holiday the surge just happened out of the blue. We DTD three times in two days and obviously I had to explain how I was feeling....but he didn't complain. (However, I paid the price with terrible cystitis all the way home!). Since then it's been weekly sex but sometimes I want more. I have amassed a beautiful drawer full of sexy lingerie too! Why didn't I feel like this at 30? Or even 40?

That's all the good news. The bad news is I too have developed a massive crush on a (married) male friend who I lust after with a passion. I know he fancies me and I am worried that one of these days I will take him up on the risky suggestion he made to me a few months ago.

At my age, I feel ridiculous and I don't want to do anything to compromise my very happy marriage and family. These damn hormones have got a lot to answer for.

SpiritedLondon Fri 18-May-18 08:26:04

So I’m wondering how everyone is feeling? I’ve been tracking my cycle on an app ( really to try and track my periods) but every day have been logging “ high sex drive” . I notice it’s particularly bad around my “ fertile” period. If it’s any consolation to anybody else my symptoms have eased over the last couple of days which means a renewed interest in things that I’ve been neglecting since all this happened. I also feel able to think clearly and organise myself a bit more which I most definitely haven’t been managing. I would be keen to know how anyone else is getting on and whether they’ve noticed any subsequent changes - good or bad.

Discoisabelle Thu 24-May-18 18:33:24

Ok so i am getting this sex surge, it is unbelielivable, i don't know what to do with myself, i am 50, on HRT with Oestrogel and Utrogestan since last year. I have had no libido for the last 10 years and even before that i was never a very sexual person, maybe only in my 20's. I have been married for 20 years with grown up kids, i am definitely not bored or trying to re-invent myself, in actual fact i have been very happy with hardlh any sex, husband's testosterone has been going downhill over the years so we have been feeling quite understanding towards each other and only had sex very occasionally. Only i woke up last month and for no reason at all i started thinking about having sex all the time, always on my mind now, my husband is amused but cannot satisfy me as i want sex 3, 4 times a day and when it's over, i want more ! I hate it, the longing is sometimes unbearable, last weekend i told him i would like to explore new sex, swinging, having an open relationship, and by the way, i do not drink at all, never been drunk and i do not take drugs, i feel ridiculous writing all this but it is real, all i want is it to stop, i look at every man everywhere and anyone with a pulse will do. For so long i felt quite 'invisible' with perimenopause, now i feel young, energetic, very sexy but very unsettled, it doesn't fit with my quiet life in the country ! It sounds idyllic but for me it is absolutely not the case, i feel i could destroy everything if i am not careful.

Emerald13 Fri 25-May-18 07:05:39

I am in the same boat and I think that it is due to hrt. I am single and I started a romantic relationship a few months ago. I find myself more sexual active than before. I want more sex but I don't know if it is due to hrt or because I have more energy, no insomnia and better psychology.

Bibbys500 Tue 17-Jul-18 07:42:45

I am 44 have a 3 year old and baby that’s nearly 2, never really had a high sex drive, I had a mirena coil put in after baby, but the past few months I am going mental, I can not stop thinking about sex or having it, my partner has a low libido which is not helping as I am constantly moaning at him as to why he does not want or fancy me!
Chosen the vibrator root which helps but within the hour the thoughts come back, going insane with this, any ideas on if this is controllable with the pill? Or a patch?

SpiritedLondon Wed 18-Jul-18 20:54:16

Somewhere on the internet a group of men are wondering where they can meet women like us or whether there’s a high libido patch or pill they can buy.

Pulipatchouli Mon 27-Aug-18 10:35:54

I just had a Mirena fitted to deal with peri menopause symptoms (I posted on this thread earlier).
EVERY thread says it dulls your sex drive.
I had three weeks of strange symptoms and now feel even more raging. Absolutely up for sex, all the time. And yes, I found a younger man to help....thankfully.

FloridaMom1974 Mon 17-Sep-18 03:19:01

I’m so glad I found this thread. I’m 44, and back in May, my libido shot thru the roof!! I also haven’t had a cycle since that time (and am NOT pregnant). My husband isn’t complaining but he can’t keep up. A bit frustrating so I’ve turned to vibrators but it just isn’t the same. Anyway, glad to know I’m not alone in this. smile

SpiritedLondon Sat 22-Sep-18 22:47:11

Hi Floridamom - it’s a bit dramatic isn’t it? If you want to read a bit more there is a website which I think is linked above... if not google Sex Surge and you’ll find it. I’m not sure anyone has any answers here but it’s good to know you’re not alone.

roseenglish Wed 03-Oct-18 10:44:54

This has been happening to me for a few days I have other symptoms of being due on too but this is new to me and i am scared. Today is day 3 and I think it's fading a little the sensation but I am so anxious I am tuned into the thought of it which is probably making it worse.

Its drove me to severe anxiety and depression as for me it's not mental or emotional. I am not looking at porn or thinking of sex at all, yet I have had this annoying twinge down stairs like an itch that needs scratching but I am so afraid I have developed PGAD which stands for Permanent Genital Arousal Disorder.

When you have this, the symptoms happen in the absence of sexual desire and its 27/4 the feelings down below - feeling on the edge of orgasm but it wont go away some women try for hours and the itch remains. It is linked to pudendal nerve.
Women have committed suicide as their lives end due to the never ending feeling of the "itch" which never goes away no matter how much they scratch.

If I could find other women who have the physical feelings below without even thinking about sex or wanting to think about it and who got through it, as in, it went away with time it would mean so much to me.

I admit I am in a state about it deeply depressed due to anxiety.

roseenglish Wed 03-Oct-18 10:46:31

Just to add I am not on the edge of orgasm. I just have this twinge that happens every 20 seconds or so

AussieA Wed 17-Oct-18 06:49:54

Oh my god I'm glad I just found this thread. Signed up just so I could thank you all for sharing! I'm divorced and 45 - and the surge is definitely beginning...and I thought I'd just sunk to some new low (high?). So it's a thing?!! Phew. No marriage to destroy but wondering if my cute little vibrator will be enough after what some of you have said. And I'll be aware to exercise caution going forward,.. now I wish I hadn't reacted by emailing an ex-lover that I know is still single! (Maybe he won't get it? confused And ...he's too religious to offer to help me now anyway I think!)

Shadow1994 Mon 05-Nov-18 16:39:24

OMG I am so glad I'm not the only one, I seriously thought I was losing my mind. So glad I found out it's normal for some women. I just couldn't believe the change in me and for the first two weeks I didn't really say anything to my husband, He kept commenting we sure have been making love lots. And then my husband came home from work I hadn't done anything around the house all day because I had been way too preoccupied with porn and ordering toys so I confessed to him what is going on, Well let's just say he is one very very happy supporting husband he thinks he's won the lottery. He is getting a little tired, I'm supposed to look up what food is good for the man to keep an erection. I ordered a Kegel 8, can't wait to get it.

TitsNnails Sun 11-Nov-18 22:33:02

Can I join the party too please? I turned 40 this year. Periods started to break through on cerazette after 10 years period free. Came off pill. Periods have settled at 3 days every 3 weeks. Have very heavy flow, 1 day of horrific PMT, and so randy I feel like I'm stalking my husband like a sex pest! So glad there might be a reason for it because there's literally no calming the flames!

hornydevilwife Tue 13-Nov-18 10:08:21

OMG!!!! I am so pleased that I found this thread. I went on holiday late September this year a normal every now and then sex kinda gal, and just like maidmarion67 have since become a raging nymphomaniac - horny devil wife does not even begin to describe it. I can totally sympathise with Shadow1994 on the too much porn thing and not getting anything done around the house and hubby has been very understanding and very amused - I have got so addicted to porn now that it's making the situation worse. I don't know about anyone else, but I've also become very interested in having sex with women and had to speak to DH of nearly 30 years about it as I can't think of anything else :/ He thinks it's bloody fantastic and can't wait for me to go and try it, which is fantastic and I can't believe he has been so brilliant about it all. |If anyone else out there is feeling like this, please let me know how to deal with it as it's great feeling like this and has made me start to lose some extra weight I've been a little too comfortable with for the last few years, but not so great when your seeing most people, male and female, as a potential sex object or your using your sex toys so much your getting sore bits (sorry to be so graphic) I will not do anything to harm my marriage as we love each other very much, but need to get on with life at the same time. Starting running and exercising today to deal with the porn addiction, but please let me know if anyone else has experienced anything like this.

Shadow1994 Wed 21-Nov-18 17:54:41

Going through the same thing here, haven't said anything about sex with a female to my hubby, but the thoughts are sure there. Looking at every body as sex objects and wonders who else is like this is kind of frustrating. Bought a sex sofa, should be fun, tonight we will be trying it out. I just wish I had a girlfriend that was going through the same thing, at least be able to talk to someone about it, thank goodness for this thread.

bringincrazyback Wed 21-Nov-18 17:57:55

Been through it too, mine's tailing off now, but I'm 51 and into menopause. Mine wasn't helped by DH's libido having dropped recently and my developing the most humungous crush on a male friend, which thankfully passed and which I would never have tried to act upon. It's not as bad now as it was perimenopause, but I still get 'pangs'. I'm convinced this phenomenon is partly what keeps Ashley Madison in business TBH.

bringincrazyback Wed 21-Nov-18 17:59:15

Oh and my mostly-dormant bisexuality spiked at the same time, so I was one frustrated person. grin It wasn't the most comfortable of times tbh.

hornydevilwife Wed 21-Nov-18 18:29:57

shadow1994 and bringingcrazyback what are we like. Sex sofa a great idea but we need to finish our building work and get curtains up first so we don't frighten the neighbours or give them a free show. The previously mostly dormant bi thing through the roof now so as above am going to get it out of my system and see what happens - cant wait till the 10th (grin) Shadow1994 you can private message me if you need someone to chat about it to as it's hard feeling all this on your own.

BooseysMom Sun 25-Nov-18 19:22:04

YES YES YES!! blush sorry but omg that is exactly what I'm getting atm!! I'm 46 and not officially peri-menopausal but have this raging mid month high sex drive ..i'm talking over-drive!! Mine and DH's sex life is not great after 13 years together and i have fantasies of other men. We're not taking any precautions as we've been trying for a 2nd baby ( had 1st at 41). I think this is mother nature's way of saying.. right it's now or never!!

lilySalvatore Sun 25-Nov-18 19:25:57

Omg yes!! Im single but a recent celeb crush has sent me over the edge and switched my sex drive on high. Since then been having 'thoughts' about him and other people seem more attractive to me wheras i was uninterested before. Driving me mad at the mo (mid 40s).

BooseysMom Tue 27-Nov-18 11:06:52

@lilySalvatore.. interesting! Thanks for sharing. You're not alone..I also have a celeb crush but sorry not sharing here as would give too much away! It does tend to drive me mental too. I'm mid 40s too. Tell me it eases off someone please! shock

lilySalvatore Tue 27-Nov-18 16:01:06

Im hoping it will ease off too, mortifying haha.

SpiritedLondon Tue 27-Nov-18 20:39:05

I’m the OP and it’s nearly a year for me and although it has eased off it is definitely ever present. I have had some particularly low points and problems which stem from my marital situation and that continues to be the same. I definitely think it’s my bodies last hurrah before menopause starts properly. I also agree with a PP that it probably explains the reason women like us join Ashley Maddison / have affairs and maybe why we might end up with younger lovers.... I’m not convinced a 48 year old man would be able to keep up ( although no doubt you ladies can tell me different... sadly I have no way of knowing )

BooseysMom Wed 28-Nov-18 14:22:55

@SpiritedLondon...Good to hear from you. Your post has been popular! So many feel the same. Mine is the same as you I reckon, one last blast before menopause. This story will make you laugh...we had an "old" collie bitch at the farm I was born at and we all thought she was coming to the end of her life when one day she disappeared for a few hours. No one knew where she'd gone. A few months later and she has a healthy litter of pups and is one very proud older mum! I'll never forget that. The dog up the road will remain nameless shock... a moral for all those who feel their productivity is coming to a close grin

SpiritedLondon Wed 28-Nov-18 16:13:30

I love that story @BooseysMom - no chance of me dropping a litter of any variety however. When I first posted I was in the grip of such out of control libido I didn’t really know what to do with myself ( beyond the obvious blush ) Initially there were only 1 or 2 replies and I didn’t come back to the thread for quite a while. When I did I was so taken aback with the number of posts I became a little tearful on the train. It was so good to realise I wasn’t alone. I obviously haven’t got any answers and my situation is a little tragic but hopefully just airing the subject has made other women feel less alone and freakish.

roseenglish1969 Wed 28-Nov-18 16:59:45

Having never had a libido AT ALL unless I was put in the mood by seduction it was and still is a terrifying time for me. I’m still confused and anxious by the strong physical urges that make me demand sex because I need it now...if he says “ later” I’m angry and frustrated bc the vibrator I bought doesn’t give me the same release
I used it once last week and instead of putting the fire out it just made it worse so I demanded sex... and felt better. But I cried after because it’s not me to behave in that way... I don’t know who I am anymore and I guess I’m old fashioned.

BooseysMom Thu 29-Nov-18 10:02:57

@SpiritedLondon..Yes your post has helped others alot so thank you smile. My crazy sex drive has really calmed down now. But I do dread it happening each month. It's more difficult for us as we have a DS who prefers to sleep in our bed! This I think is the main reason we haven't been able to have dc2! hmm

@roseenglish1969..Yes I relate to that..I always had an almost non-existent sex drive and my mum always said she was axexual. But when it takes over it's like you become another person and you feel out of control.shock

roseenglish1969 Thu 10-Jan-19 16:23:41

Its been a good quite few weeks for me I think Mid November was the last time.
Does anyone get the "need" rather than "want" like my heart rate increases and I have to stop what ever Im doing to "sort myself out" and even after that I still want sex but it just takes the intensity down a little.
I hate it bc I am not used to it and it usually happens when I am alone. Self relief is not really helping. I feel embarrassed with my partner bc he's never seen this side of me, Hell I haven't.

Tormundsbeard Fri 25-Jan-19 15:16:25

Yes, it isn’t a case of ‘feeling sexy’, it is a purely physical need that only seems to be relieved temporarily....

roseenglish1969 Fri 25-Jan-19 16:09:25

Quite. I have had a week of no issues, I am either On or Off although I think I would be up for it now because at least our sex life is back on track and better than its ever been because I was very inhibited about sex and when these hormonal surges occur I dont give a fig, I have a need and that need is more intense than my inescurities in bed or about my body.
It still scares me when it happens though. I spoke to the lady on the sex surge website and she said women who have it as intense as I do will use the public toilets or go to their car if working in an office to relieve themselves or some have affairs.
For me its a combination of increased sex drive and then these hormonal attacks which ramps the need up by 100, i start breathing heavier and faster and the mental images are all sex but it comes from out of no where..I can be focusing on work and something changes and a shift occurs and I have to stop what I am doing and deal with it.
Sex is the cure self pleasure is like a pain killer. It helps but my mind and body is telling me "Sex"
I have never ever in my life heard of this phenomena its like pure animal instinct... I dont enjoy it its like an intense itch that demands to be scratched and I wish my ovaries would give up the ghost.
Some women report vaginal sensations only with no interest in sex. I have had that but now its more a mind and body thing and I am definitely thinking about and wanting sex.

Veryneighbourly Fri 01-Feb-19 02:23:27

I am estatic to find these posts. I am 49 to be 50 this year and the horniness started about a week ago and i thought maybe it was related to menopause and my BF said it was all in my head. It is mostly fantastic, a few drawbacks LOL (hyperventilating, playing with yourself out shopping or while driving, and very neighborly from the bedroom window) i honestly dont give a shit, so past caring what others think. Happy to know what it is, i can only hope it lasts 7 years.

Lay80 Fri 08-Mar-19 22:16:22

I am 38 and have been having very irregular periods for about 2 years now. My mum went through her menopause early and have been to the GP to get checked out. I am not having any major symptoms yet other than an increased sex drive. I don’t have children and have been with my partner for 18 years. I have always had a low sex drive. 3 years ago my partner had a heart transplant and now rarely has the urge but I am really happy about having a higher sex drive just not with having a suitable outlet. I am seriously thinking about finding someone just for sex. I had no idea that this was related to my menopause and am glad to hear about other people’s experiences, I had always read that your sex drive decreases (not that it could in my case).

Help70 Mon 22-Apr-19 18:15:40

I'm glad I found this website. I am 48 years old and It's good to know I'm not the only one dealing with this. Its driving me crazy. My question is I'm single how can I channel these feeling I'm having to other areas? I'm not into masturbation becauae it just feels better to me to have someone to do this type of stuff with. I NEED HELP!

morepleasethankyou Sat 04-May-19 03:00:59

Help70, I haven’t been able to channel these feelings elsewhere. The only time the feelings go away completely is when I’m stressed about a very large event, like planning a large meal for a large group of people. Or the 3 weeks before Christmas, with all the shopping, wrapping, baking, etc. I was never one to masturbate, either, besides curious rubbing down there as a little girl; nor had I ever bought a sex toy. But my husband cannot come close to satisfying this colossal, maniacal itch so eventually I marched right into one of those adult toy stores. So glad I did. Those ladies (and 1 gentleman) were so kind and sympathetic, almost even medical/clinical in their approach, especially with their language. Those “toys” take the edge off, but still not a substitute for human contact. It’s all very awkward, strange, and surreal, I know. Sorry I don’t have a better solution, but I empathize.

morepleasethankyou Sat 04-May-19 03:19:22

@Help70 oops, I didn’t reference you properly earlier. :-)

Help70 Mon 06-May-19 16:36:28

@morepleasethankyou thanks for the response. This has been something to deal with for real. I was sick last week up til today, tried to rest but the drive was still there. Was kind of relieved when I woke on this morning and my cycle was on. That's the only thing other then Sex that calms the urge down.

Divebar Wed 08-May-19 08:44:17

@Help70 blimey if there was a way of channeling these feelings into other activities we would be running the world. Sadly for me it’s the absolute opposite- a major distraction. I think if you’re single you need a friend .... with benefits naturally. It doesn’t have to be a big emotional relationship just a nice person you feel comfortable with who in the ideal world would be good in bed and have great staminagrin Now, I guess the issue is whether you’re comfortable with that and how you go about finding them.

Help70 Wed 08-May-19 12:14:53

@divebar lol! Huge distraction. Some days are more overwhelming then others. I do have a friend he WOULDN'T MIND. Lol!

Divebar Wed 08-May-19 13:16:56


You asked him and he said he wouldn’t mind? Lol. If you’ve got a chap handy I don’t know why you’re wasting time posting on a forum. I wouldn’t be grin

Wheresmyshittingmeat Sat 11-May-19 22:47:20

Can someone please explain what a sex sofa is?!

ChocOrCheese Wed 15-May-19 17:45:50

I find going absolutely mental at the gym can take the edge off - but then I get a bit grunty when at maximum exertion, which is probably a bit grim for my fellow gym-goers.

I have not found my urge to wax and wane with my cycle. I was climbing the walls for a year or so, then things calmed down, and then every so often it ramps up again for a month or so for no apparent reason.

It's really annoying.

Help70 Wed 15-May-19 18:07:55

ChocOrCheese it's very annoying!

Zzzzzxxxzx Thu 16-May-19 07:31:12

So glad I found this I thought it was only me I don’t have a husband I lost him 7 years ago I’m 56 and rampant been on a few dating sites but not dated for 3 years I’m in the process of meeting someone just as a lover I’m 56 and so horney will it ever stop I can’t stop fantasising

redqueen999 Thu 16-May-19 10:00:47

Hi ladies, Just found this thread and thank goodness! I'm 56 and had a total Hysterectomy 2 years ago. Very little interest in sex until about 6 weeks ago and then bingo, this urge started with the full technicolour fantasies about a celebrity from the 70s and 80s! Started using the Love Honey website and hoping my bank account can stand it.So really sorry Ladies this has nothing to do with the peri-menopause; even though I'm on HRT it can strike at any age!

Help70 Thu 16-May-19 13:09:00

@redqueen999 and @Zzzzzxxxzx I guess we're all dealing with the same issues. For me it gas calm down, but not gone away. It's at it worse while I'm at work, when I get home I'm so tired I drink a glass of wine and go to bed. I have standbys that wouldn't mind, it's just I don't want to just he having sex with random people. So the hardest thing for me is to have self control because the urge is really trying to take me there.

redqueen999 Thu 16-May-19 13:19:34

It's amazing how just watching Bodie in the Professionals can turn you into a complete nympho in your lunch hour!

Zzzzzxxxzx Thu 16-May-19 13:29:25

Help 70 I wish I had your self control I met someone a few years ago and he’s just been back in touch I’m afraid I’m going to have to have him I can’t wait I can’t ignore the hidden animal inside me I need some release and he wants me all night long so let’s see if I or him can keep up

Divebar Thu 16-May-19 19:35:13

Aaahhhh I was always a fan of Doyle myself

redqueen999 Thu 16-May-19 20:16:54

Trust me Bodie in fawn coloured over tight trousers which leave absolutely nothing to the imagination brings out the phrase "comes over all unnecessary"

redqueen999 Mon 20-May-19 11:18:31

Hi Ladies, things must be getting out of hand 'cos I've got the Wasp track "Harder Faster" on repeat on youtube! (Check out the lyrics) lol

Divebar Tue 21-May-19 09:17:37


Just wondering if there’s a lady version of that song do you think? 🤔

Divebar Tue 21-May-19 09:19:11


Bloody hell im jealous. I hope it was a good night?

Zzzzzxxxzx Tue 21-May-19 11:52:15

Not till Sunday I can’t wait we had a date a few years ago. I always have a three date rule no sex until after the third date we lost touch he lost my number and set up a Facebook account just to find me so Sunday’s is the night will let you know how it went god dodnt think I would feel like a teenager at 56 but I can’t wait

4509jdb2011 Mon 24-Jun-19 16:51:58

im 51 have not had anything for 6 years and all of a sudden since the last week I have been horny and I don't know why does anyone know why.

morepleasethankyou Mon 24-Jun-19 19:21:33

@4509jdb2011 my own theory is that it's because my progesterone and estrogen levels are so low that testosterone has become the dominant hormone. I swear literally NO ONE but us is talking about this! I, too, was 51 when it started. It's been almost a year now and it's significantly subsided but I can still get aroused all too easily. I mentioned it to my gynecologist only because I thought I might have a brain tumor or adrenal gland tumor or something else and her jaw dropped. She offered no explanation. She's been my doctor for almost 30 years, and Harvard trained. Delivered all 3 babies. All those years I cried to her about not wanting anything to do with sex and she told me I just needed to relax...... I KNEW it was a bio-chemical thing. I just knew it.

redqueen999 Mon 01-Jul-19 09:06:12

I'm finally going to mention this situation to my doctor when I see her for my HRT review 'cos LoveHoney is making an absolute fortune out of me! It's not just the usual stuff either this feeling has you wanting to try items that you would never have considered in the past! Some stuff I didn't even know existed! lol

Nolahot Wed 03-Jul-19 17:55:37

Thank you thank you ladies. I've always been a little on the horny side and felt my husband wasn't in sync. we were in a technically sexless marriage (sex maybe 3 times a year) but a few months ago I started needing more and bought a vibrator and dildo. Well, not sure why I did, but I suggested to my husband that we spend the night at a hotel and we had sex for hours. More than we've had in 28 years cumulatively I think. And we've had sex or messed around every night since. AND, i'm 51 and went and got a brazilian yesterday. OMG, he ate me out and I can not stop thinking of it. Anyway, I spent one day sexting other guys (telling my husband about it) and realized that I'd rather have sex with the person that I really love as long as he's willing. BUT, I am having a partial hysterectomy this month and am concerned that this desire will go away. I don't want it to ever go away. We've been closer since this started than we have ever been. We pondered briefly about what our marriage would have been like if we had had more frequent sex and decided we would have been a lot happier. But no time like the present, right? Oh and I want a sex couch too, but I still have a 12 year old and a 15 year old at home. I think we're going to try some pillows..

redqueen999 Wed 24-Jul-19 07:12:33

Well Ladies have met a guy online through a certain website (not naming due to privacy) will be meeting for breakfast in 2 hours! I've been single for 24 years due to a very violent marriage and now due to this surge in my hormones I may have finally found someone! I have a drawer full of raunchy black underwear and a box full of weird and wonderful sex toys.I feel like a million dollars I've lost 3 stone and 3 dress sizes so here's hoping this feeling lasts! xxx

Help70 Wed 24-Jul-19 14:27:12


I havent had a hysterectomy but my sister has. She told me ot made her crave for sex. I've heard it from several women that they wanted more sex after the hysterectomy. But not everyone is the same. What is a sex couch?

Charity68 Sat 27-Jul-19 06:05:12

Joining thread way late 🙄

Oh wow, I thought it was just me! I’m 50 and never had much sex in the last 10years. Suddenly I’ve had more this last year than in my whole 25 years of marriage. Just want it all the time, I mean all the time. Gets too much hubby knocks me back lol 😂.
Plus I’ve never owned so many sex toys in all my life, I want to try everything ☺️☺️☺️

Adult children are still at home too 🙄. I can’t wait for them to go out for the day / night before I jump him hahahaha. Continuously asking them if they are going out lol. I think there are suspicious now 🤭

I’m doing a degree at Uni and just sit there at times thinking about when I’m going to get some 😂

Charity68 Sat 27-Jul-19 06:41:18

Omg Nola, sounds exactly like me and my marriage 🤭, but loving the sex now, and the toys!!! Go us 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽

Ironprincess433 Tue 06-Aug-19 04:08:17

Well I'm glad I found this post. I am 47 and a half lol and I just started this surge what the heck I dont know what to do either its crazy!! I been married for 30 years my husband has been talking about a divorce but I dont want to miss out on the fun by dating if I'm hitting my prime! Plus it's not fair cause i went through his with him when he was 18 yrs old ! I feel lucky Haha but serious how long does this last? I started with the hot flashes in my mid 30s feeling like my skin was crawling too. Then the past 2 to 3 years only had a period every 10 months. I havent had a period since November so it's either my period ithat s maybe coming, my ovaries are spitting out the last few eggs or this is just a transition to menopsuse idk. I was in the hospital a few months back and they tested my hgc I was there for an asthma attack and my hgc was elevated slightly. I saw the gyn cause my husband had a vasectomy 19 yrs ago and I was scared maybe it grew back together his tubes but I saw the procedure I was 8 months pregnant then and the dr cut a section out he tied them and burned the ends so no way possible. The hospital had me all freaked out cause it was like at 11 normal is less then 5 confirmed pregnancy is 25 so the test said it was uncertain i might of just conceived 0.2 -14 days whatever .2 of a day is lol. The gyn laughed and said I was fine but to be on the safe side to wanted to recheck it 2 months later. I should of went in June and had it tested. It's almost like when u are at that sweet spot in pregnancy but on steriods Haha. Please do tell how long does this last??? Its been only a few days to maybe a week since this started!! Last thing I need is my husband thinking someone else is turning me on like I'm cheating since he is talking a divorce or that I continue this way and he thinks it will make me cheat!! He is still very jealous he talks all this divorce stuff it's been a year and half he hasn't moved out all our kids our out of the house

666onmyhead Tue 20-Aug-19 09:01:02

Just found this ( was looking about itchy legs symptoms, but this seemed interesting ) spoke to DH and asked if he'd noticed a change in our relationship over the years he was very pleased to tell me 'no change darling, you have always been up for it ' and who said romance was dead!

Fifs50 Tue 20-Aug-19 15:14:46

Oh goodness this thread has made me laugh and feel part of a new sex mad sisterhood. Things are so bad for me in this sex addict phase I´have been going through for the last year, that I signed up to the AM site last night and was chatting within minutes to a youngster of 36 looking for a meet-up. I woke up at 5am in a sudden panic stressing about blackmail or people in my area seeing my photo and so I crept downstairs to delete my profile and all messages. I mean you coudn´t make this stuff up. The extra surge did happen to me in both pregnancies but this is such a constant that I feel like a bitch on heat emitting lots of pheromones and I think men can sense it too as I am getting lots of attention and definitely have some of my son´s friends flirting madly with me. It´s all good fantasy fodder but one of the friends and I have had a few heavy flirtatious sessions and discussed his sex life such that if he made a move I´d probably act on it. Fortunately he doesnt live in the same country so I can hopefully control my inner perv. I have been happily married for 35 years to a gorgeous guy who is a fantastic lover. He´s enjoying the change in frequency and overall it has been a real blessing in my life having this last flush of youth. Long may it last.

pennow Mon 26-Aug-19 15:23:47

Finding this post might have just have saved my sanity if not my marriage. I'm 53 and had my 3rd Miena removed 3years ago. No periods since. I have been to the gp a couple of times since to have my FSH level checked but each time they have said I'm not menopausal. I think I am getting other symptoms, sweats, forgetfulness and mood swings but the sex thing is over whelming. Unfortunately as others have said my marriage has never been very sexual maybe 6-8 times a year. In December as I started this obsession with sex my DH informed me that he does not see sex as something he needs anymore. Although he we still have sex he tends to lie back and let it happen which is not what I'm wanting or needing. When I have a spoken with friends they all express that they wish their partners would leave them in peace. I thought I was having some kind of mid life crisis. I am worried that I will look elsewhere for what I'm missing especially as I have chatted on line with an old friend a couple of times. Reading these posts has made me feel more normal, although still not sure what I'm going to do.

redqueen999 Tue 27-Aug-19 13:07:11

Well ladies, I did speak to my Doctor and she says this is definitely hormone related! Her husband is the lawyer for LoveHoney no less lol.
I've had this surge for 6 months and I am having a ball. I have gone from frumpy uninterested in sex; only food, to sexting 5 different men. I now have a man who literally worships me and guys flirt outrageously with me in shops! lol I guess it will come to an end at some point so I fully intend to get as much as I can when I can. Having been a domestic abuse survivor and cancer I would like to think I deserve to grab it with both hands lol!

NormaLouiseBates Thu 19-Sep-19 14:14:20

Late to this one but am so glad I found this thread. I don't know what's come over me in the last couple of weeks but I have gone completely rampant. I'm 45 and suspect the menopause isn't far away as my periods have started to become irregular. H and I have always had an adventurous sex life but this is now off the scale. I literally can't stop thinking about it all day and night. I'm watching porn FFS - something that I have never done or had any interest in my whole life. My house is like something from "How Clean is your House?" because I'm too busy on Fetlife or Love Honey looking at toys and underwear. H thinks all his birthdays and Christmases have come at once but I think he is actually looking forward to my period week so he can have a bit of a rest!

I'm absolutely loving it if I'm honest and really hope it doesn't go away!

So glad to read it's not just me.

Freakingout73 Thu 10-Oct-19 23:18:47

I’m so glad I did a bit of searching and found this. It’s kicked in this last week and I wondered what the hell was going on 😆 Glad I’m not the only one.

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