Is it worth paying for a private education or can state schools really manage a very bright boy?

[AvenaLife]

Just wondering. ds(9) starts a new school in a couple of weeks, I've just spent a small fortune on his uniform and have yet more fees that will push me to the verge of destruction. Is it really worth it though? The school's lovely, small classes and ds will have a great time. He's ahead by 5 years in maths and at least 7 years for literacy but can a state school really accomodate him? He's outspoken and likes to be listened to (I know this is a problem) so I think he'll have problems but at the same time the fees are a huge burdon. I think I just need some kind words please.

[Hassled]

I think a bright child with involved, interested parents will thrive in any environment, tbh. There are some bad state schools but also some truly fantastic ones - why don't you have a look around some of your local ones as early as you can in September?

[AvenaLife]

The one we are in catchment for is dire. The one I like is oversubscribed and we are only just out of catchment. It's so hard knowing what to do for the best. I truly don't know how he'd or the school would manage with him being so far ahead.

[Hassled]

He does sound scarily bright but he won't be the only bright child in the school. It is a tough one because you have to weigh up the benefits to the whole family of you having a bit more cash against the possibility that it might be a mistake. But bear in mind there are a lot of clever children who thrive in state schools.

[cornsilk]

Why not visit the one you like and let the head know how bright he is. See what his reaction is. Agree with hassled - that does sound scarily bright. If the head gives you the impression that they can differentiate for him then appeal for a place.

[ilovemydog]

scholarship?

[pagwatch]

in my opinion you should try and look for the school to match your child and the type of school is second to that ( although I do understand that some people have a moral/ethical/political issue with private ).

Different children thrive in different enviroments and I would always look at all my options.
Tbh it seems silly to make a choice about a possible school without visiting and discussing with the schools in question. They may surprise you. Especially if fee paying is a struggle

[AvenaLife]

I can't appeal on grounds that he's highly gifted. This has been tried by someone before and I don't think it works. He' decided he wants to win the Nobel prize . I just can't see how they can accomodate him and understand him. He's a mini adult and likes to be treated like one. It's a PITA. He can get a scholarship in his new school but not for 2 years. I'm getting so tired now though. I don't have the energy to work at the moment but I've got to pay the fees. I think I'm worn out because I've had him and his questions over the summer. We've hardly left the house because I'm so broke. Bugger.

[cornsilk]

Why not send him to the state then and transfer to the private when he gets his scholarship.

[Peachy]

Doesn't it depend n the state school?

there's ones like ours about- goodness your son would thrive there! terrible with sn but absolutely stunning otherwise; it's free but endowed and places itself in the private sector behaviour wise iykwim- chess club from 7, cheap music etc etc

So really what everyone else said- look around! Youll be amazed by the variety of what's about- my cousin as like your ds, doing his degree in Chem and music atm, and thrived at a dewcent state- wheras I was like your ds in literace alone and was badly failed (just graduated last month at 35)

[alardi]

I think I'd go private if he were my DS, A-Life. I really don't think you'll regret it (my ordinarily bright DC are firmly in State schools, btw).

[pagwatch]

have you spoken to the school he is going to. whilst he is on for a scholarship in two years they may be able to find a bursery or something.
My FIL has donated to the school he went to to support bright local kids through a foundation type thing. Perhaps his school have something like that. have you spoken to the burser?

[pagwatch]

can i also say that anyone who has mixed with genuinely bright children will not be surprised by his 'mini adult' persona ( it is not very unusual) and, if they can cope with his 'smarts' the more challenging aspects of his abilities will be familiar to them

[AvenaLife]

I spoke to the old one. On their site and prospectus it doesn't say that the scholarships and busaries are just for the senior school which is why I accepted a place. I wrote and asked for a form, she phoned and said they didn't offer them for the junior school because the fees were cheaper . I'm getting so stressed about it. I might phone them again on monday.
He's just left another private school because of the head not liking him (long story) and having no experience with gifted children. I'd rather struggle for 2 years then send him to a state school where he won't fit in. He was in a state school for reception and I had to move him because he was becoming depressed. He kept saying he wished he was dead. It was heartbreaking to watch as he was only 5. I tried phoning all the local state schools then and the only one that had space was the one we are in catchment for which is dire. I didn't know what else to do.
The schools around here offer no clubs or music lessons. The one in our catchment doesn't even have a proper playing field.

[Piffle]

my highly gifted son languished in state primary. We could never have afforded private school fees. But we moved him to new area and into state grammar as felt secondary school was very important. He is still achieving high levels with ease. Aged 14 he is already on cambridges list of potential maths degree applicants.
Yes he gets bored and if you can afford a better education then personally I'd save it for secondary.
My ds1 has personality quirks and has been bullied but now has a friend or two!

[seeker]

Can I ask - what do you mean by 5 and 7 years ahead? Is he doing GCSE work? And what about other subjects - History, music, art, languages? Sometimes it's better to stretch very bright children horizontally rather than vertically, if you see what I mean. My friend's very bright dd is learning Spanish and French, and playing two instruments - maybe that's the way forward?

And yes, some state schools can deal with very bright pupils, some can't. A bit like private schools really!

[pagwatch]

phone the school and ask to meet with the bursar or better still the head. explain the situation.
it can't hurt. and they may be able to do something, even if it is a fee deferral or payment plan.

[pagwatch]

agree with seeker.
i wouldn't make assumptions about any school based purely on whether they are state or private.

[AvenaLife]

He gets on with other kids OK (if they are daft), it's the teachers he often has problems with . He doesn't see himself as a child, he wants to be treated as an equal. He doesn't think it's right that he's told off and not listened to. It's so hard to know what to do. he's a stickler for wanting to be treated fairly and will complain and be an absolute PITA if this is not the case. A teacher at his old school made him eat in kindergarden because he was eating with his knife and fork in the wrong hands and the teacher thought he was eating off his knife. I still hear about this and ds will think that all adults treat children unfairly. I try and guide him, I try to talk to him about conforming etc but he has firm views about things. He can see the other side of the argument but can be such hard work. The new school are geared to kids like this as it's selective. The head is clued up but it's so much money. I just need to know I'm doing the right thing for him.

[Peachy]

I'd be wary myself of stretching too far for the fee paymenyts, just because of a family I knew where things went wrong in the family, and just as their world was collapsing (Dad lost job, they lost house, amrriage was on rocks) they had to leave their school and friends too, as they couldn't afford it any longer. There's an awful lot t be said for stability.

Having said that, if it were an option I would choose private.

[AvenaLife]

Seeker, he was assessed at his old school before the start of last term, in maths he has a maths age of 14, literacy was 16+ because the scale only went up to 16. They assessed him at level 5 for maths, english and science when he was 8. In other subjects he has not been assessed but his teacher has told me that he has remarkable knowledge in all other areas (except PE). He was playing the piano at his old school, it was with the teacher that told him off for eating with his knife and fork in the wrong hands though. He picked it up really quickly but I can't afford lessons at his new school yet.

I have looked at the state schools. They all have a G+T policy but it's the emotional aspect that I can't seem to find IYKWIM. Stretching is fine but it's hard finding somewhere that gets him.

[Peachy]

my ds1 had the same language age (16+)- henhas SN in other areas but also does the little adsult bit. It can indeed be an issue.

Have you spoke to the G&T co-ordinator at the school?

[Twiglett]

I'd like to suggest that if possible you make appointments with the heads of state schools you can get to and talk to them about it ask how they could accomodate his SN, what plans they currently have in place .. ask for a tour, ask for examples

really until you look at the state schools you may always wonder

personally I am an advocate of the state sector and parental involvement in education .. you could use 10th of the money you currently spend in out of school extra-curricular and tuition to stretch

how does DS feel about changing schools

[AvenaLife]

No. I know they have alot of sn children but not at this end of the scale. It's not in an area that has parental support for children if you know what I mean. There are bright childrn everywhere but if they have no suport from their parents then they often miss out. They have a unit for disruptive children so it does not bode well.

I have spoken to the head at the new school though and he assures me that they can help ds. He's even willing to slot philosophy onto the curriculum somewhere for ds as he wants to learn philosophy. I know deep down it will be good for him. It's pre-school nerves I think. I'll give them a call and have a chat about the fees on Monday. Or maybe I should give it a term so they can see what he's like. I can afford them but I've not had any new clothes/haircuts/night outs/holidays etc for 4 years.

[AvenaLife]

ds has just left a private school (lower fees) to go to this one. I think his grandparents will be pissed off though as they have paid for some of his uniform. He likes his new school.

I just want to go to bed and hide. Then it will all be better int he morning.

[AvenaLife]

I'm off to burn cook the tea. Thankyou for all your help, even if I have not replied to you, I have read them, I am very grateful and have taken on board all of your advice.

Thankyou