Am addicted to spending - please help

[theworstaddiction]

Am regular, changed name for this

Am typing quickly as dh upstairs.

Pls help as really am struggling to find a source of help. I know am stupid sad awful cow. But am addicted to spending on credit cards. Have racked up thousands and dh has coped with it but have done it again and will throw me out. 3 kids pleas.e Can anyone tell me where to go/ I know it is my fault but feel like I am an alocholic or drug addict.

[WideWebWitch]

First rule, no new debt so cut them up
are you making min payments?
Can you?
Stop beating yourself up about it
How much?

[babyblue2]

Feel very bad for you but think you need to tell DH before it escalates even more. Could you research on internet the cost of a low interest loan and find out monthly repayments before you speak to him or a 0% credit card transfer for a while. Get another job (if possible) to cover some of repayment and cut up your bloody credit cards. Hope it works out for you.

[theworstaddiction]

Well new debt about 7 grand but we have just shifted about 15 on to 0 % and he thinks it is sorted. Christ. Hiding statements etc. Why do I do this

[WideWebWitch]

List them all on a spreadsheet like this:

Card name, total balance, interest rate, min monthly payment, next due date

This will be scary but worth doing. You can't come up with a plan for getting out of this until you know how bad it is. Don't bury your head in the sand, do this exercise.

Is your credit rating ok? If so, the most important thing to do is to get them ALL or as many as pos onto 0% deals. Do you understand what these are? Usually you pay the debt + a percentage as interest. Which means ie you might get a bill for £150 and £148 of this is interest (these figs aren't unrealistic, sadly). So you are handing over for eg £148 a month in interest and £2 towards clearing the debt. SO if you get that card on 0% you will hand over £150 and £150 WILL REDUCE YOUR BALANCE.

[WideWebWitch]

£22k isn't the end of the world.
stop panicking. Do you work oth?

[theworstaddiction]

No but I have done this about 4 times in our 9 yr marriage. No, don't work. Dh on good package but all about eaten up with our debt.

Am aiming to sell on ebay and get job to help. I just don't know why do it. I sort of want to buy perfect things to be the perfect person.

[WideWebWitch]

So it's £7k that he doesn't know about? Hwo will he react? I think you've got to tell him tbh. But cmoe up with a solution - you get NO access to credit, he controls the cash, etc.

[Tortington]

do you know a lot of perfect people?

[collision]

what sort of things do you buy?

Could you take anything back and get the money back?

Does DH not see what you have bought or do you hide it?

this is an addiction and you need to tell him. You need to cut up your cards as well.

Without help you will keep doing it.



Tell him now and get it over with.

[Gobbledigook]

While sorting out your finances in a practical sense, as www suggests, perhaps some sort of counselling could help - maybe you could get to the bottom of why you need to do this?

I hope that doesn't sound naff - I think you need to address the root cause as well as getting yourself out of the current finanical situation.

If you are hiding it from your dh, do as www suggests and come up with some solutions before you tell him about it.

Is there any way you could get an evening job or PT job that could go towards paying off the debt? Is there anything that you pay for monthly that is just for you, that you could cancel to show that you are doing your own bit?

[theworstaddiction]

Yep hve to tell. If he wasn't so good about it wouldn't be so hard. Half of me thinks if he fecked off he could do lot better.

Perfect pple...probably not.

[Gobbledigook]

financial I mean

[WideWebWitch]

Agree with gdg, you have to get to the bottom of tihs too.

[soapbox]

I think with this addiction the real 'high' comes from the handing your money over and leaving the shop with the bag in your hand.

As a first stage to getting over this can you make yourself put all the bags in a safe place at home once you have bought the items. You can take the stuff out and stroke them lovingly but not wear them - or even try them on.

Then a week later or 10days if that seems more doable, you take the packages back to the shop and get the money refunded onto your card.

I think that way you have a chance to slowly withdraw until you are feeling a bit stronger mentally and can live without the 'buzz'

[babyblue2]

I agree with WWW. Are you 3 children at school, if so it sounds like you perhaps have too much time for shopping and a real effort to get a job to pay for your debt it is a good idea. I'm sure your DH would be 'happier' if he knew you were making an effort to repay your debt.

[LaDiDaDi]

Agree with the others

1 Cut up all credit cards and allow yourself NO access to money
2 Come up with plan to repay at lowest interest rates possible
3 Tell DH
4 Sell anything that you have bought than you can
5 Get job
6 Get counselling

[collision]

I think Soapbox's idea is fab as the idea of putting money back on the credit card gives you a buzz too!


am intrigued as to what you have bought to rack up £7000!!

[Tortington]

AHA! there iz no such thing as perfect person.

[collision]

apart from you custy!

[WideWebWitch]

Oh yes custy is perfect parent dontcha know!

[seb1]

If you have BBC three try watching this series spendaholics, it might give you some thoughts to get started with.

[collision]

LOL!

[oneplusone]

My sister was the same as you, went on huge spending sprees because at the time she was very down due to splitting up with her long term boyfriend.

I think she spends less now but any time she is down she turns to spending to feel better.

So, ask yourself, what, other than the spending itself, are you feeling down about? Take some time to just sit and think and be honest with yourself about your feelings and things that are upsetting you, don't push painful feelings aside, acknowledge them and try and face up to them, write things down, talk to a good friend and perhaps slowly you will feel less of a need to spend as you will feel happier in yourself.

I know the above is very simplistic but the basic idea is there, there might be some books to help you as well.

Good luck.

[tribpot]

I would really suggest you head over to the Motley Fool's Dealing with Debt board. If you can go through all the numbers with them and then present your dh with a reasonable plan of action (backed up by: no more credit, he has complete control over the bank accounts, etc) you are more likely to get a positive response.

Unfortunately a bit of googling suggests there isn't an equivalent of Gamblers Anonymous suitable for you, it feels like there should as what you have is an addiction which is ruining your life and your family's life Really hope you can find some help soon.

[WideWebWitch]

(btw we are joking about custy but she set up a v funny blog called perfect parent once, custy is it still there?)