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Finding it really hard to cope with being a mum right now

(67 Posts)
notcoping Sun 11-Feb-07 23:50:49

Name changed again as I am ashamed of the failure mother I am atm, but the truth is that I am finding it really really hard & not enjoying being a mother much right now.

I cope on my own a lot & the children really play me up, especially my eldest son.
I don't seem to really have a grip though & he pushes me until I snap.

Every day I wake up wanting to get it right, but more often than not lately, I seem to fail.
I should be enjoying my children, not struggling to get through the day like this.

3LoveHeartsAndNoMore Sun 11-Feb-07 23:55:39

I really don't know what to say, have no answers, but know the feeling!

notcoping Mon 12-Feb-07 00:03:44

Thanks, 3LH&NM.
I have been struggling quite badly for a good few weeks now, but have put off posting as I saw it as a failure.

They push me & push me, don't do as they are told etc, and tbh it is probably worse because they sense I have a very low tolerance atm.

notcoping Mon 12-Feb-07 00:08:52

There are times when the only thing keeping me from cracking is the knowledge that their bedtime is on the horizon.
That's not right is it?

Aloha Mon 12-Feb-07 00:18:50

Do you think you are depressed? Have you got any help or support around you? Off to bed now, but if you bump your thread in the morning you will have lots of help and advice, I'm sure. Go to bed now, you'll need your energy tomorrow! Everyone feels like a bad mother sometimes.

Aloha Mon 12-Feb-07 00:19:09

And LONGING for bedtime is 100% normal.

3LoveHeartsAndNoMore Mon 12-Feb-07 00:24:45

I definately long for their bedtime.
My Kids also can drive me round teh bend,and I find myself becoming the mother I never wanted to be, iykwim...I mena, I just really go off on one and than feel so much guilt and regrett.
And I really think you hit teh nail on the head, they tend to know when you have a low tolerance point...and they push and push...
like I said, I wish I could say something to help ya!
Something that does console me a bit is, that I feel that as long as I realise my limitations and when I have not been great coping wiht it, all is not worrying about it shows that I do care.
Sending you loads more (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

notcoping Mon 12-Feb-07 09:31:40

Not sure if I am depressed, Aloha, but I am going through lots of stress in general atm, which won't be helping I guess.

I cope on my own a lot & I don't drive, which makes it harder if it's raining & I'm stuck inside with them squabbling, whining, not doing as their told & basically demanding constantly.
I know that's what children do, but I am not feeling like I can deal with it all properly right now.

I don't get that much support really. My mum comes round & pandars around DS1's every whim, making him play up for me more, and their father is too over the top with his punishments (especially to my eldest), so I often try not to get him involved.

notcoping Mon 12-Feb-07 09:36:26

I wake up every morning with good intentions, but it often goes all wrong & I turn into nasty mum again.

notcoping Mon 12-Feb-07 10:03:03

3hearts - I can relate to everything you say in your post, but I don't reassure myself that I must be a good mum because I am worried about it - I get cross & upset with myself for not being the kind of mummy that I should be.

3LoveHeartsAndNoMore Mon 12-Feb-07 11:47:37

is there a chance that, when you feel it all building up in you, that you could see that the children are safe where they are, and just walk into the ext room and sit down with a cup of tea until you calmed yourself down?
I know, not always possible.
Also, wondering, do you get any "me-time" at all...i.e. when you hubbie is in and could look after them, could you go out do something you enjoy...might just be a walk?
Something that sometimes works for me is, that even if I don't feel calm at all, I pretent to be calm....i.e. I talk really slowly and deliberate to the children, not raising my voice, deal with the situation and walk away for a few minutes as soon as I can too calm myself properly down.
When I do succeed with this, things tend to really calm down, so, it does work...all the more frustrating that I seem unable to do this all the time, lol.
Also, is there a chance you could learn to drive and then have a car in bad weather? I find going out with the Kids to a softplay or whatever really helps me, too.
Also, have you got friends that could come to visit when the weatehr is rubbish and you are stuck in?

notcoping Mon 12-Feb-07 12:17:31

I do try to go to another room, but they tend to follow me around the house!
I have even been known to ask them to go & play either upstairs or downstairs, just for a little while, so that mummy can had 5 minutes to herself.
I know that sounds awful, but sometimes I literally feel like I need a couple of minutes by myself, just to chill a bit.

Sometimes they do go out with their dad & I get a little time to myself, but the majority of the time they are with me & he is often not around.

3LoveHeartsAndNoMore Mon 12-Feb-07 12:29:24

notcoping you are far to harsh on yourself...there is nothing wrong with needing a bit time to yourself, it's a natural need.
I really think it's a problem of our times...I mena, I really don't think that our mums generatio and those before had such preassure to do something with their Kids all the time....tbh, I can't remember my mum ever playing with us, until we were old enough to play boardgames, etc....!

3LoveHeartsAndNoMore Mon 12-Feb-07 12:30:11

lol, and my lil ones tend to follow me around, too...and don't help that we don't really have any doors downstairs to close rooms off from one another, lol.

SweetBoy Mon 12-Feb-07 12:32:39

You totally deserve and need time alone & your children must respect that. That time alone will mean you are more likely to enjoy your time with them..or at least pretend to enjoy it! I do a lot of acting (and I only have one & he's only 4mths!) . I smile and chat and sing etc when I've just been crying my eyes out thinking that my whole life is a total disaster.

SweetBoy Mon 12-Feb-07 12:34:39

i agree 3lovehearts. We were just expected to entertain ourselves & stay out of the way and I'm sure we did. Ah. the good old days

notcoping Mon 12-Feb-07 12:49:24

Yes, I guess you're right there! I used to be outside playing with friends a lot when I was a child, so my mum gots lots of peace!
I worry too much about traffic etc, to let my boys out without me.

When my mum see's me struggling, she says things like "Fun being a mum isn't it?" or "Do you appreciate what I went through now?"
Which can kind of wind me up more when I'm at that level of stress!

notcoping Mon 12-Feb-07 12:58:41

I am not doing too bad today, despite several squabbles, DS2 biting his brother & having to sit on the step, DS2 playing with his dinner & then DS2 pooing on the bathroom floor, then taking it upon himself to pick it up & put it down the toilet!!!
DS1 hasn't been too bad today so far!

sickandtired Mon 12-Feb-07 13:06:18

I know where you are coming from - I have just shouted at mine to bugger off - what an unforgiveable thing to do

I get sck of the constant fighting that goes on - even when we are doin sonmething fun like making cakes there are constant arguments over who is goingto mix - fell like giving up today andit doesn't help its pissing it down

how old are your boys - mine are 4 and 3(just)

3LoveHeartsAndNoMore Mon 12-Feb-07 13:15:07

notcoping and sick& Kids just sound like younger 2 are 4 and 2 1/2...

notcoping Mon 12-Feb-07 13:17:29

Mine are 7 & nearly 4.
Some days it can be the silliest things that can tip me over the edge, like asking DS1 over & over to undo the velcro before putting his shoes on, and he will deliberatly not do as I've asked, but continue to try & force the shoe on.
When they actually play together, I know it will only be a matter of seconds before one of them is yelling or crying.

On the weekend day that their father goes to the pub all day, I actually feel so low at the thought of being home alone all day with them & I know that's an awful thing to admit.

sickandtired Mon 12-Feb-07 13:23:53

mine were driving me so mad I went back to work partime!! I work 4 mornings a week and monday is theonly day I have them all day on m own - and like youm say I dread it! They are either fighting, doing something they shouldn't or shouting and playing buzz bloody light year and jumping all over the furniture..

Its all I can do not to slap dp's face when he comes in and complains that theres A mark on the wall or something like that from them.... He would die if he walked in here at 3ish and saw the place!

notcoping Mon 12-Feb-07 13:24:44

I don't know...maybe I am a bit depressed right now.
DS2 is in bed & DS1 is watching TV, but I have just asked their father if he could take them out later & then burst into tears!

3LoveHeartsAndNoMore Mon 12-Feb-07 13:28:16

notcoping, I think you have an unsupportive partner there...if he is at work in the week and in the pub at surprise you feel run down.
My Kids can play soooooooonicely together at times, and laugh so hard and all that, and I think, wow...why can't it always be like that....because within minutes the scene can have changed and they are beating eachother up....
luckily my 10 year old can be helpful, when he wants to be, lol!

GooseyLoosey Mon 12-Feb-07 13:29:05

Notcoping, know just how you feel. My dh used to spend all day Sunday pursuing his sport of choice and I used to dread him driving away leaving me on my own in the house having to manage my 2 dcs.

In the end I told him that he was entitled to his free time but I could not cope and that if he wanted a day out so did I. He tried this once or twice but could not manage the dcs on his own. Her had no idea how hard I found it or how isolating and lonely it could be.

Have you tried telling your dh you need more time for you?

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