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I've never seen my husband so angry and upset

(97 Posts)
Aquamarine1029 Fri 17-Apr-20 20:32:36

Just here to vent, really. My PIL's, along with SIL and BIL live very close to each other, about 3 hours away from us. To put it mildly, my SIL can be hard to love, nevermind like, but there have never been any issues to speak of over the many years.

However, she has treated the lockdown and risk of COVID-19 like it's all some big joke, still hosting/meeting up with friends and PIL's at their homes. My husband has spoken to her about this countless times in hopes of changing her attitude, to no avail. My FIL is firmly in the high risk category. Obese, diabetes, high blood pressure and he's a heavy smoker. Obviously, he should be taking lockdown seriously, but he isn't either.

Anyway, we found out today that one of BIL's colleagues tested positive last week, and this man is now very ill in hospital. Two days ago, BIL started having symptoms and he has gotten very ill very quickly. He got tested for COVID today, results not back yet.

As it turns out, SIL and BIL have been to my PIL's home FOUR times within the past week for dinner, the last time when BIL had already started to feel ill.

My husband is absolutely raging he is so angry, and he is a person who rarely gets upset about anything. I feel awful for him because he's so worried about his dad. Honestly, he's sick with worry. I could just throttle my SIL, even though I know it's just as much my PIL's fault as hers. If my FIL gets the virus and dies from it, my husband will never forgive his sister. He's already ranted that he never wants to see her again. His anger talking, I'm sure.

Why do people have be so fucking foolish?!

OP’s posts: |
TeddyBeans Fri 17-Apr-20 20:37:56

Because, unfortunately for the rest of us, people like her won't take it seriously until something happens to someone they love. I'm firmly in the category where I'm not worried - for myself - but am following lockdown guidelines for the benefit of everyone else.

Your husband has every right to be furious, but he needs to be careful not to alienate himself from the rest of his family if his dad is okay and thinks he's overreacting towards his sister

coughcoughcoughitty Fri 17-Apr-20 20:42:49

I’m sorry your in-laws are unwell, and you must be really worried about your FIL - but it’s his responsibility too. I get that you find your SIL a pain in the arse, but this isn’t all on her. They’re all grown-ups and they all decided to ignore the advice - unless you think your FIL was bullied into it and had no choice? They’ve all behaved like twats, and sadly it looks like they may not get away with it.

Otherrooms Fri 17-Apr-20 20:46:20

* I could just throttle my SIL, even though I know it's just as much my PIL's fault as hers. If my FIL gets the virus and dies from it, my husband will never forgive his sister.*

Your husband has every right to be angry with his sister, BIL AND parents.

It sounds like they were all in it together and consented equally.

Your DH is quite rightly furious & I imagine the anger comes from frustration and sadness.

Let him rant and rave. He needs to get it out.

Haffiana Fri 17-Apr-20 20:46:29

Why are you blaming SIL when all of them were involved in this? Your FIL has made his choices. Your husband needs to accept that and stop making it a blame thing. Adults made choices.

Polkadotpjs Fri 17-Apr-20 20:47:34

There's no telling some people. I really feel for your husband and you. He may need to speak to his parents to explain this is exactly why people should stay inside

caringcarer Fri 17-Apr-20 20:52:05

Your inlaws are all acting in a stupid way. I can understand how angry your dh is with his sister. My dh is just the same and is very angry with his mum. His Dad is over 80, with COPD, asthma, and has cancer in two areas of his body and has government letter telling him to shelter. His treatment for cancer is now suspended. My dh is so angry with his Mum who is continuing to shop two or three times a week, using public transport, and refuses to have home delivery, even though she could have priority slot, as 'she likes to shop around for bargains and enjoys picking her own things'. Fingers crossed your dh's Dad is OK. I know my dh is worried he won't see his Dad alive again.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 17-Apr-20 20:52:09

@Haffiana

I said clearly they are all to blame, but we know from my MIL that my SIL has been very insistent about visiting, and my PIL's were too afraid to upset her. SIL has a long history of being very dramatic, very demanding, and my husband said his parents have always walked on egg shells with her, to avoid her tantrums, I'm sure. SIL told them "it's fine, we're not sick" blah blah blah and they foolishly gave in. They are definitely all responsible.

OP’s posts: |
EveryLifeHasASoundtrack Fri 17-Apr-20 20:52:42

People are selfish. However, if you’re husband is angry, it should be aimed at all of them, they’ve all caused this, not just his sister. It’s the NHS
and wider society that this is really unfair on.

I hope all his family are ok and that they learn from this. They probably won’t learn anything though. I couldn’t have people like this on my life.

NeverTwerkNaked Fri 17-Apr-20 20:54:13

Totally understand his fury.
I think he would regret venting to his family right now though.
But it doesnt mean be is wrong to be really angry and upset.

Porcupineinwaiting Fri 17-Apr-20 20:55:16

Well they created a monster and now it may have cost them their lives. But they did create it. sad Just be there for your dh.

sanealaddin Fri 17-Apr-20 20:55:56

I understand the anger. But it should be directed at all of them. Her DH could have said no. The parents could have said no.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 17-Apr-20 20:58:28

My husband is definitely upset with his parents, but I think he's directing his anger at his sister because he and his eldest sister have both been pleading with her for weeks to stay away from their parents. Which all fell on deaf ears, of course. He would get his parents to promise that they wouldn't allow visits from her, but they always gave in. So frustrating.

OP’s posts: |
GoodStuffAnnie Fri 17-Apr-20 20:58:36

Adults consent. As infuriating at this is for your dh, there is nothing he can do. Obviously. But I mean no point getting stressed by it. And this comes from someone who watched her mum die from alcoholism. It’s maddening. But will make you ill if you let it. Xx

Aquamarine1029 Fri 17-Apr-20 21:00:32

Just to add, he didn't tell his sister he never wants to see her again, he only said that to me when he was initially very, very upset.

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Fri 17-Apr-20 21:02:49

@GoodStuffAnnie

I'm so sorry about your mum. How awful. I offered to get him a glass of wine but he declined because he doesn't think it's a good idea to drink when angry. Good decision, actually.

OP’s posts: |
coughcoughcoughitty Fri 17-Apr-20 21:03:43

It’s hard if she’s a bully. My friend’s sister is like this and her parents never worked out how to deal with it. It’s really sad and difficult to watch and drives my friend completely crazy. But to be honest as an outsider, I still think my friend’s parents are partly to blame - they’re quite effective in other areas of their lives but for some reason they completely capitulate to this overgrown tantrumming toddler. It’s a really weird dynamic and I know it stresses me out at third hand, so it must be crap when it’s your in-laws.

SignGrudgeBluebook Fri 17-Apr-20 21:04:07

Let them get on with it. There is nothing you can do. allow your DH to fall out forever with his sister too. That is the correct and healthy response to the shit show opening up before him. Don't try and make nice.

We had a massive family falling out and my DH went NC with his sister and his kids. I supported him 100%. Their behaviour was utterly vile. If I had tried to minimise or people please I would have not been supporting him 100%. Some people are twats. Accept it.

Porcupineinwaiting Fri 17-Apr-20 21:04:52

Well, there's nothing actually wrong with him not wanting anything more to do with his sister. That's entirely understandable.

HedgehogHotel Fri 17-Apr-20 21:06:30

I don't blame your DH for being furious with his sister, tbh. Yes, his parents constantly caved, but her insisting they see her is the real issue. Selfish and entitled ... and her/your DH may pay for it with his health/life ... I would have no problem saying that to her either.

TatianaBis Fri 17-Apr-20 21:07:13

At the end of the day it’s FIL’s life. If he’s not bothered enough to be ultra cautious you have to accept his choice even if you don’t understand it.

As an obese smoker it’s not like he’s got a history of caring for his health.

Eddielzzard Fri 17-Apr-20 21:07:54

What's done is done. If your FIL does get it I have no doubt that your SIL will feel responsible. I think it's best to focus on making sure they do isolate properly now and not carry on spreading it around. My thoughts are with you, what a horrible situation.

HedgehogHotel Fri 17-Apr-20 21:08:20

*dad, her/your DH's dad ...

I'm sorry, OP. But support your DH and his feelings. He's not wrong.

UnaCorda Fri 17-Apr-20 21:08:29

My dh is just the same and is very angry with his mum. His Dad is over 80, with COPD, asthma, and has cancer in two areas of his body and has government letter telling him to shelter... My dh is so angry with his Mum who is continuing to shop two or three times a week, using public transport, and refuses to have home delivery, even though she could have priority slot, as 'she likes to shop around for bargains and enjoys picking her own things'.

Presumably she also likes not being a widow and enjoys spending time with her husband. confused

LoveIslandVirgin Fri 17-Apr-20 21:09:01

SIL is a spoilt brat who needs a good kick up the hole.

PIL, if they manage to get away with not contracting virus this time, need to wear their grown up pants and tell SIL to feck off and stop putting them in danger.

If this doesn’t work, report her.

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