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Could do with some hand-holding please?

(481 Posts)
ChubbyKitty Mon 20-May-13 06:32:04

Horrific accident in my parents house. Mum and grandad have both gone, dad is stable, and only found one of three cats.

I'm 21, I did not expect to lose my mum this soon at all. It hasn't even sunk in properly yet, and I know when it does I will be completely destroyed. What do I even dosad

mummylin2495 Mon 15-Jul-13 22:00:48

Hope you and your dad coped with today ok. It's a bit overwhelming isn't it. More so for you as you haven't yet had the funeral.
Did you manage to do your written bit ?

ChubbyKitty Tue 16-Jul-13 10:58:47

Have done mine yet, ill probably do them this week and get them sent over. It was definitely a rough day as I suspected. We had to go and collect the other cat that was found with my mum. And he wasn't in a box like we were told, he was in a clear plastic bag.

mummylin2495 Tue 16-Jul-13 12:24:32

Oh how sad, bet that made you feel so sad too.yes I'm sure that yesterday was awful, you can't help but think back to the last birthday when your mum was here, I found it very upsetting and as yet it hasn't got a lot better really. I am so envious of people who still have their mum. It's heartbreaking without them. X

ChubbyKitty Wed 17-Jul-13 00:24:15

I just don't see how I'm going to become a mum myself without her guidance really. And one day I'll have to explain to my LO why grandma isn't there, only nanny, when the other kids have two(generally, I know not all of them will have) and it just makes me so sad to think of answering that question. Not to mention of course that its common knowledge in our very small town. Thankfully they will probably have DPs surname so they will have some protection from the local gossip-mongers.

mummylin2495 Wed 17-Jul-13 00:30:52

You will be fine when it happens. A lot of it is common sense and ,lots of things you just learn as you go along, and MN will still be here ! It is sad that they won't get to know their nanny but through you telling them and showing them photos , they will know about her, what she was like and also you will see your mum in any children you have. They will have some of her genes. So part of her will be in them , the same as it is in you. You will be fine.

ChubbyKitty Thu 18-Jul-13 01:18:43

I've started writing my little section. I have no idea how much I'm meant to write, so far I've got 273 words..but it doesn't seem enough to cover quite how awesome and loving a mum she was. I'd expect to write something that short about a colleague or something, not someone who brought me into the worldconfused

mummylin2495 Thu 18-Jul-13 10:34:55

Are you limited by how much time you are allowed ? It's very difficult when you have so much you want to say but then don't know what to put or how to say it. We had the vicar here and told him lots about our mum, but my brother wanted to read the letter that mum had left for us and by the time he had done that , the vicar hardly said a thing. I wrote her my own letter and put it in her coffin along with photos of us all and a couple of other things relevant to her.
When do you have to get it written by ? Have you got a date now for the funeral, and what about your grandad is that all arranged too.
Youhave a tough time ahead of you, but it can't be worse than what has already happened. Just write what you feel you want to and then if its too long you maybe can cut it down a bit.

ChubbyKitty Fri 19-Jul-13 02:21:27

We've been told altogether we have about half an hour. Haven't added anymore to it today, but I did let my dad know I'd started it and sort of paraphrased it for him and he said it would be okay.

We've also been advised not to go and see her again before the funeral, as the hot weather and the delay in her being released has meant there's too much of an odour. We're seeing my grandad tomorrow but he's now all sealed up in his coffin for the same reason. Really glad I went on Monday nowsad

mummylin2495 Fri 19-Jul-13 16:40:55

That's a shame but I expect they have your best interests at heart. The trouble is , it's been a few weeks now . Have you nearly finished your writing. Difficult isn't it . You have a very sad time ahead and you will need a lot of support to get through the next few weeks. I hope your friends and DP will be there for you. I expect there will be a lot of people coming for the funerals. Did you sort out accomadatiom for your relation ?

ChubbyKitty Sat 20-Jul-13 16:15:48

I think all the arrangements are sorted now.

Just had the police round as random men tried walking into my house. hmm

2013 just gets better...

mummylin2495 Sat 20-Jul-13 17:42:55

Oh my god , how scary for you. As if you don't have enough on your plate. We're they young people ? Or older. Did you give a good description of them. Hopefully police will catch them.

ChubbyKitty Sat 20-Jul-13 17:48:52

I wrote down everything I could think of and rang my friend a street over and she saw them too.

They're out looking now and are going to get back to me. One of them was massive and looked like he was on steroids the other was tiny and wrinkly confused

mummylin2495 Sat 20-Jul-13 18:17:15

Did they take anything

ChubbyKitty Sat 20-Jul-13 19:00:10

No I was near the door and they said they were at the wrong house. No shit matehmm then they left.

mummylin2495 Sat 20-Jul-13 20:03:18

Good job that they left without causing any trouble. You could of been in danger there . Sme people are real bastards aren't they . Glad you are ok and not harmed or anything , but I expect you were shook up a bit, I would of been

ellenjames Sat 20-Jul-13 20:33:49

I have just read this, so sorry for your family, I remember this as I live near x

NappyHappy Sat 20-Jul-13 21:18:15

Jeez Chubby, thats shit! There seems to be alot of chancers about atm. Loads round here. Hope you're ok. X

ChubbyKitty Sat 20-Jul-13 23:17:11

Door is well and truly locked and I'm smoking in the back garden. I was still in my pjs and everything!

mummylin2495 Sun 21-Jul-13 00:35:50

Oh I'm always in pj,s . They are so comfortable. In fact this afternoon the front door bell rang and I opened it with a scrappy top on and pj bottoms !! So your not alone there.sometimes. I don't get dressed at all if I'm not going anywhere. Bet the bloke who rang my bell wished he hadn't bothered, was a traveller looking for work with a 25% discount !

ChubbyKitty Sun 21-Jul-13 00:47:34

Didn't get dressed at all today. Didn't need to dirty up clean clothes, saves washing them. Saves energy. I'm being green!

NappyHappy Sun 21-Jul-13 13:48:20

Im another one who is always (and am currently) in my jamas. grin

mummylin2495 Sun 21-Jul-13 16:14:16

I am dressed today as I have been to cemetery to take my mum and sister new flowers. But if I had been at home probably wouldn't of bothered. Glad I'm not alone !

mummylin2495 Mon 22-Jul-13 10:52:20

Are you ok ?

ChubbyKitty Mon 22-Jul-13 12:20:10

I've only come back on this afternoon sorry! I've been sorting out a surprise birthday party for DP and I'm starting to wish I hadn't bothered. How do parents manage with kids who aren't at school at this time of year? Thank god he doesn't have a summer holiday!

Other than the party though, I have my grandads funeral this week and I'm kinda worried about it. I don't know why I'm so worried, I think it's just because I haven't really started grieving for him yet. It's all still processing, I've not even got to the cat yet either. I guess at least this way it's not all coming at once in massive floods.

mummylin2495 Mon 22-Jul-13 12:33:57

Oh I love surprise parties. Did one for my mum here at my house and was horrified when in the middle of the day I looked out of my window to see my mum walking up the path. I had to pretend I was out !
Will be better to get one of the funerals over with. It's been quite a while to have to wait for it. I expect after both are over with , then you will start to go over everything. But you have been very courageous over the last few weeks

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