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To find reactions to my baby's gender odd?

(97 Posts)
FattipuffsandThinnifers Wed 24-Jun-09 22:56:23

I'm 21 weeks pg and found out today at a scan that I'm having a girl smile. I have a ds already. I've told some family and a few friends, and a common reaction is "how lovely, now you'll have the perfect family".

Now, I'm very happy to be having a girl, but would have been equally happy to have another boy (and in some ways happier for ds to have more of a like-minded playmate iyswim). If this baby was a boy, I certainly would not have felt in any way cheated of the 'perfect' family unit. I also certainly do not feel sorry for any of my friends whose children are all of the same sex!

I understand why people say this, and of course it's meant with all lovely intentions, but AIBU to find it a bit odd? And to wonder what the reaction would have been if I was having a second boy?

sleepycat Wed 24-Jun-09 22:58:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notnowbernard Wed 24-Jun-09 22:58:34

Indeed, people are weird about this

My personal favourite was when someone said to me "DP didn't mind, did he?" when DD2 was born!

I mean WTF?!!

DisturbinglySexuallyInactive Wed 24-Jun-09 22:59:01


I have 3 girls and was really shocked that some people actually seriously assumed I'd be or had been 'trying for a boy'. I just wanted children, and am very grateful for what I was given!

Tinker Wed 24-Jun-09 22:59:03

Isn't it just something people say? It's just small talk. I'm sure I've probably said similar. There was no meaning to it, it was just noise.

DisturbinglySexuallyInactive Wed 24-Jun-09 22:59:48

(my mum said 'oh dear, never mind' to the births of my 2nd and 3rd daughters, thanks mum)

FattipuffsandThinnifers Wed 24-Jun-09 23:01:27

Sleepycat, true, true.

PrettyCandles Wed 24-Jun-09 23:02:44

Yes, I found it weird, too. I didn't know the gender beforehand, but just about everyone assumed I wanted a girl because I already had a boy. And when I was pg with no3 plenty of people asked why I wanted another child when I already had one of each!

As for the 'perfect' family unit - well, I found have the 'perfect' pair too perfect, too symmetrical, too boring. Just one of the reasons why we went on to have no3.

FattipuffsandThinnifers Wed 24-Jun-09 23:03:31

Multiple x-posts!

Yes, do understand it's polite small-talk, but still a) unoriginal, and b) potentially insensitive.

What if I'd wanted another boy?

And it's not like you can choose.

littleducks Wed 24-Jun-09 23:04:03

i think its just small talk, seriously what do you say to someone when you tell them you are having a oy/ obv say congrats and then you have to make some kind of positive comment tis only polite so you say 'ooh one of each, how lovely' or 'two boys, a playmate for your ds' or a version of that

FattipuffsandThinnifers Wed 24-Jun-09 23:05:33

That's exactly it, surely most people have children to have a child, not to get a specific variety.

Tinker Wed 24-Jun-09 23:06:06

Oh god, is there pressure to be "original" now when told of baby's gender? grin "Ohhh, not hermaphrodite this time?"

hambler Wed 24-Jun-09 23:06:46

it's just polite chit chat please dont get annoyed

notnowbernard Wed 24-Jun-09 23:07:11

I do agree that followingup with an appropriately warm and lovely comment is required, but hardly gender-dependent, surely?

"Another dd? Aww, well done, that's lovely!"

Is surely better than

"Another dd? Your DP didn't mind, did he?"

PrettyCandles Wed 24-Jun-09 23:07:31

But why not just leave it at "one of each, how lovely" or "two boys, how lovely"?

PrettyCandles Wed 24-Jun-09 23:08:10

x-posted, notnowb

sleepycat Wed 24-Jun-09 23:08:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notnowbernard Wed 24-Jun-09 23:11:43

And of course, the natural follow-up to the birth of the 2nd same-sex sibling is the

"Will you be trying for a boy/girl?"

<deep breath>

I do realise this is mostly harmless conversation by well-meaning folk who are interested in sharing experiences etc but it can be a bit boring sometimes

FattipuffsandThinnifers Wed 24-Jun-09 23:12:30

Notnowbernard, absolutely.

And did your DP mind? grin

notnowbernard Wed 24-Jun-09 23:16:40

Yes, he demanded we put her up for adoption straight away such was his disappointment wink

I mean, really... WHAT was the woman who said that to me thinking?!

goodasgold Wed 24-Jun-09 23:21:25

I don't like this kind of talk, I don't even like it when people say 'as long as it's healthy'. If it's my baby, yes I do want it to be healthy, but if it's not I will still love it so much. We had a bit of both when my son was born. Yes he was the boy after two girls, but he wasn't healthy. And did it make a single bit of difference to me? No I was pleased to meet him and love him. He's fine now. Gender schmender.

LyraSilvertongue Wed 24-Jun-09 23:24:09

I have two boys and people still ask if I'll keep trying till I get a girl. it's assumed that people want at least one of each.
I actually have no desire to have a girl (except, perhaps, for the dressing-up possibilities).

goodasgold Wed 24-Jun-09 23:27:16

Lyra I have sen you on here when I was on here all the time, but now I've read the books and I love your name. Good argument for having a girl to be like Lyra, or a son to be like Will. Yeah.

LyraSilvertongue Wed 24-Jun-09 23:28:36

Goodasgold, I love those books. If I had a girl I'd name her Lyra.

goodasgold Wed 24-Jun-09 23:35:43

Amazing books. I was sad to finish them, I could have read about those characters for years and years. Great name. I might change my name to a Northern Lights one too. Like goodasgoldenmonkey. But your name is a goody, mine would I think be a baddy.

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