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To not want XP to take DD to Australia?

(60 Posts)
Aimsmum Thu 11-Sep-08 10:24:34

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CostaRicanCod Thu 11-Sep-08 10:25:26


sleepycat Thu 11-Sep-08 10:26:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harleyd Thu 11-Sep-08 10:27:38

does she want to go

i think yabu

KVC Thu 11-Sep-08 10:27:49

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GeorgeTheCarpetThrasher Thu 11-Sep-08 10:29:38

Agree with kvc..let him take her for a week and see how he copes.

You never know he might realise himself its a bad idea.

newforold Thu 11-Sep-08 10:29:41

YABVU in my opinion.

It's a holiday of a lifetime that he has taken out a loan for.
Your immediate reaction is "oooh, well if you can do that you can compensate me and my feelings by paying more maintenence".

He is a father who has regular access to his daughter, why shouldn't he go on holiday with her.
It's not actually up to you where he goes on holiday with her. If you went into court with this you wouldn't anywhere near a good enough reason for saying no.

DoubleBluff Thu 11-Sep-08 10:29:41

Agree KVC.
But what a chance and at 8 your DD should be relativley easy for him to deal with.

compo Thu 11-Sep-08 10:29:45

presumably she doesn't know this mate?
does the mate have kids or will she be tagging along to a boy's only holiday
I don't think he should be taking on debt to go either
If he can't aford to go he shouldn't be going

Saturn74 Thu 11-Sep-08 10:29:52


I'd tell him that if he wants to take DD for so long to somewhere so far away, he is going to have to spend the next few months proving that he will be able to cope well with looking after her properly for more than one night alone.

He needs to look at the practicalities - eg: what if he doesn't get on with email penpal once they get out there?

He doesn't need to book the tickets now.

Odd that he took out the loan without discussing it with you first.

CostaRicanCod Thu 11-Sep-08 10:31:22

you are SO UNFAIR
he is an adult
he is teh father
is IS spednign on her
hwo churlish

CostaRicanCod Thu 11-Sep-08 10:31:43

his fincanes are NONE of your business
god oyu lto are miserable sods

Aimsmum Thu 11-Sep-08 10:33:38

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CostaRicanCod Thu 11-Sep-08 10:34:14

so he doesnthave a regular payment?
i see

Carmenere Thu 11-Sep-08 10:34:53

They will manage. She's 8 not 4, they may even have a ball and how nice for her that he wants to take her. and you will have a couple of childfree weeks too. you can look at this as a negative or a positive, you may as well look at it as a positive and spend the next 11 months helping her prepare for the trip of a lifetime.

CostaRicanCod Thu 11-Sep-08 10:35:23

i do think you are being a big negative abotu it all aims.

VinegarTits Thu 11-Sep-08 10:35:34

I think YABU, he is spending money on her if her is taking her on holiday, from a loan that he will have to pay back back, does your dd want to go? sounds like a fantastic opportunity for her, i cant understand why you would consider another foriegn country but not Australia, she would still boarding a plane to go on holiday, she would still be away from you, he would still be spending money on her. I think you are ruling it out for the wrong reasons.

harleyd Thu 11-Sep-08 10:35:55

bloody hell, how hard is it to cope with an 8yo
he'll be fine, she'll be fine. you cant really stop him surely, he's entitled to take his daughter on holiday. and she's entitled to a few weeks with her dad

newforold Thu 11-Sep-08 10:36:02

Why on earth does the father need to "prove" himself to the op? He has a relationship already with his daughter where he sees her regularly and presumably enjoys that time together. He is just as valid as a parent as the op,what on earth makes you think he shouldn't give his daughter the chance of a lifetime??
I bet any money you like that if the op had come on saying she was taking a loan out from her local credit union to go on a holiday to Australia with her dd everyone would be wishing her well.

How is it odd that he takes out a loan with HIS money and DOESN'T ask op first? It's his personal finances, none of the op's business where he gets the money from to pay for the holiday.
Also, with a credit union you have to have at least half the loan amount in savings with the union first. He hardly sounds financially irresponsible if he is managing to save regularly. The loan would be paid off by the time he goes, it's no different to me booking a holiday now, paying the deposit and then paying the installments to clear the balance by the time we go on holiday.

sleepycat Thu 11-Sep-08 10:36:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mayorquimby Thu 11-Sep-08 10:38:09

"and perhaps spending some money on her, or doing nice one off things etc."

so what is a holiday to australia if it's not an extremely nice one off thing? which he is spending his money on his daughter.YABVVVU

you are really just looking for things to complain about with the "perhaps he should pay more" comment.

that is of course unless he does not pay the required amount already but i'd imagine you would have mentioned that.

CostaRicanCod Thu 11-Sep-08 10:39:03




(pyuts bit pointy foam finger away)

wannaBe Thu 11-Sep-08 10:39:34


How would you feel if you wanted to take her abroad and he said he didn't want you to?

Australia is a trip of a lifetime. And if you don't let her go and she finds out one day she will resent you for it.

CostaRicanCod Thu 11-Sep-08 10:41:09

stop mothering her and him
let em freeeeeeeeeeeeee

lisalisa Thu 11-Sep-08 10:42:41

I wouldn't.

Who is this mate and how does he know anything about his lifestuyle now? If emaili contact every few weeks then obviously not a close friend - more a causual contact. Is his house suitable for an 8 yr old - if he is single ( and possibly even if not ) maybe not? Is exp a responsible enough father so that if dd gets ill/seriously homescik etc yo ucan trust him to do the right thing?

Oz is very very far and I think this is just too ambitious given the circs.

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